A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I thought that I'd hit the net in search of some advice. I'm really having trouble with my love life, or should I say lack thereof. I've been single all my life and have never had anything even close to resembling a girlfriend or relationship. I can't say that I have any experience in dating either. It never used to bother me, but within the past few years I've realized that I really want companionship in my life. I just can't seem to figure out the how.I've never had a problem talking to people, but I just feel awkward being around girls I find attractive. I never know what to do or how I should be flirting to show that I am interested. I just can't seem to connect in that way. I'm finding that my chances to meet girls are becoming few and far between so I feel that I really need to make those few chances count when they do happen. Are there any places that might improve my chances of meeting someone? I've read some other posts and can't say I seen anything helpful. bars or clubs never work ( I can tell you from personal experience) and I'm not really into that kind of thing anyway. I don't really see approaching random people on the street to be productive either. A lot of people suggest joining a local group of your interest, but from what I've seen there really aren't too many younger people my age involved in them ( I'm 25 by the way). I really think the ideal way to meet someone would be through friends. A few of my friends have mentioned introducing me to someone they know in the past, but unfortunately have never followed through with the idea. Kind of frustrating.I have to say that I'm feeling rather insecure about the fact that I haven't been able to figure this out by now. I'm nervous because I have absolutely no experience to fall back on. Let's face it, you'd be hard pressed to find a guy past 18 or at most 20 who had no experience with girls.I just can't seem to figure this out. It's eating me up inside. It seems to come so naturally to everyone else that I know. Why is it so difficult for me?
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male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 June 2011):
 You never have a problem talking to people - that means you have half of your problem solved.
Forget technique and all that other stuff. Just be yourself in a conversation and have something to contribute. BEst place to get to talking to people is at the book store. REad some magazines and you have something to talk to someone about.
If you see a girl you like be patient with it. Talk to her - chances are she will have her guard up waiting for the "flirts" and "obvious hits." If you just have a simple conversation with the girl, you score more points.
And yes you are allowed to throw out a compliment. BE specific with it though rather than "you look nice today."
If you are going to compliment someone, let it be over something specific: the jacket she is wearing, or her hair, or an interest she has - stuff like that.
Express interest. Say you are in that book store and you manage to strike up a conversation with someone. Ask about what she is reading and why she is interested in it. Just an example of course. The worst thing to do is try to impress her with your knowledge on the subject - so even if you know everything there is to know about, say, topiary - ask why she is interested in topiary and contribute to the conversation by asking more questions or making a statement and following up with a "what do you think about that?" question.
If you do get a conversation going - you are allowed to say something like. "I am going to get a coffee - would you like something?"
That's a more subtle hit - and if she is enjoying your company she will probably say yes and you can continue the conversation.
It is easy to get someone's attention but it is a whole different ballgame trying to keep it. If you are scoring points she will be smiling and at least making some eye contact. If she doesn't, say thanks and be on your way.
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