A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I dated my ex for 3 years. About half of our relationship was long distance. I left for college (6 months after we started dating) and I was thousands of miles away. So, we got to see each other on the long breaks: christmas break, spring break, easter break, summer break. The relationship was great, we were a great couple. With the distance, things would get bad sometimes. We were both needy and he didn't put as much time into the relationship (when I wasn't there) as I did. But when I would come back he'd spend all his time with me, and have all these plans ready... Still, he would always blame me for leaving but I had decided that I was going to travel for my college education months before we started dating. We were friends for 2 years before we dated, but I never thought anything was gonna happen so I never included anyone in my future plans. May 2010, I broke up with him because he wasn't treating me right. He was missing our skype dates, not caring anymore and I was so upset. I changed my phone number, my emails... Still, he sent me a gift on my birthday but I sent it back and he talked to me few months after that and he would always make jealous comments about my pictures on facebook. His mom passed away couple months after the break up, and he told me but I had no idea he was with someone else at that time. I was so surprised when I knew that September we had a long talk on the phone and he said he was convinced too now that the break up was better because we are very similar people, both very career oriented, independent... and we would always clash because we both have strong personalities. Also, I totally believe in equality between men and women and he doesn't so that was another reason for us constantly fighting. I went home for christmas but we never saw each other. He still talked to me online, and said he wasn't happy we didn't see each other (when he didn't even try to call me and see me!!) and we were both then dating other people but we would always chat and he said he was happy talking to me... He was my first, and I did not want to have sex with my new bf before making sure that things between us would never work out, plus i wasn't really in love with my boyfriend and he knew all about me and my ex (I tend to be very honest). So, I indirectly tried to see if things would ever work out between us and he said he was very grateful for his girl and he loved her and she is a great girl... I respected that and went on with my life normally. Few weeks after that I was home for 3 weeks, on a vacation and he wanted to see me for lunch and I went and we just had lunch and laughed and spend some good time together and I went back home and that was it. Next day I left for my internship and he talked to me and said he was starting to forget how valuable I was, and he was so happy he saw me... It was the first time we met in a year (May 2010 to May 2011). Since then, we have been talking and our talks have turned several times into sex-loaded talks. He tells me how much he misses having sex with me, and he goes into all the details, and he wants to see me and spend some time with me. I told my boyfriend about that and I was honest and told him I wanted to go and spend some time with my ex because I don't wanna regret not giving this relationship a last chance. Still, I am scared that he will never want to be with me again. 1 year after the break up, he told me that I was so smart and that he could never lie to me because I always knew it, and I honestly did but when we were together he would never confess. I always feel that my strength scares him, and is too much for him to deal with. I know that he loves me but I might be too much headache for him and he would rather be with his girl, who does everything for him and doesn't ask for a lot in return. Also, I believe that if you really love someone you'd know that they are cheating and she obviously has no idea because he has charmed her (he is a very good charmer but after 4 years his games don't work on me). I'm sure his girl will have no idea if I see him, and I tend to not care but I am not sure about what I really should do. I feel bad for her, but I know that he's probably done the same when we were together but the distance might have been a plus. He shocked me, I never imagined he would want me so bad, a year after the break up, and specifically after spending just 2 hours with me over lunch!! what should i do? you think he has feelings for me or he just wants to see me for the good sex? please help!!!!
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broke up, christmas, facebook, has a girlfriend, jealous, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (24 June 2011):
hi personally i think he just wants you for the sex and to see what effect he still has on you this is totally unfair to your boyfriend and his girlfriend you deserve so much better than just been used for sex good luck hope things work out
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (24 June 2011):
 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways - the Good Book says.
He may want you and yet may want his girlfriend too. From his perspective if things do not work out with his GF it is nice for him to know he can jump into your bed as a back up.
Also if he breaks up with his GF and gets back with you, what assurance do you have he will not go back with her (or someone else) the same way he is attempting to get back with you?
This guy needs to do some soul searching and figure out exactly where he needs to be. You should keep your distance unless you wish to be hurt in the end.
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