A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts and Uncles. I just recently took my lying, cheating, disrespectful, sneaky bf back. I love him so much that no matter what he do or has done to me, i always forgive him and take him back...regardless of the situation. He has done so much to me these 2 years and 4 months we've been together. So lately, it's been the same ol stuff...no communication! We barely talk and he barely shows he loves me. It seems as if he's quick to send msgs to other females rather than sending a msg to me. It hurts me so bad. I suppose to been had let this relationship go but it's hard because i don't want to see him with anyone else and i love and am in love with him. I see he doesn't care about anything. He's always ignoring me, hurting me, and catching attitudes with me when i want to talk about issues in our relationship. I try to stick around because i have faith and hope that it will get better but i've been around for 2 years and 4 months now and things haven't changed. When i do break up with him, he comes with his sob stories and it never fails...i end up taking him back. I don't know how to just end it for good and move on with my life because i know i can do better but he has my heart and i really want to be with him. I lay in tears every night. I just need help on if i should stay or go!
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female
reader, goggos  +, writes (27 March 2013):
I am a sucker for punishment! I have held on for 7 years!!! Eaten more than 7 bags of salt with this man! Read up about a "psychopath" and you will have your answers! I have been mentally, emotionally, physically abused and it is MY fault! Allowed him to get me so depressed that I am on chronic medication for stress! He has lied, cheated, and tried to stop me having friends! Now he is DEMANDING respect! He will NEVER get that from me! Only because I know how his sick mind ticks I am going to cut my ties of bondage and move on! This has been HELL! I learned a lesson! Get rid!!! I type and wonder if I will do what I saying goes "if u dumb - u must suffer" only YOU can make the decisions ... Are u prepared to live like this or give a Good man out there a chance of meeting a fantastic woman!
A
female
reader, Td79 +, writes (19 June 2011):
First let me start out by saying that I'm sorry for the pain your going through, I cant imagine how much it must hurt to have someone you love treating you like that. Anyways, I think that you need to do the no contact thing and STICK to it! When eh text or calls you, IGNORE HIM!!!! If you have trouble doing that, think of all the wrongs that he, has done to you, how much pain he caused you, and why you want the break up to stick!
From what you said " I dont want to see him with anyone else." in my opinion, i think the reason you feel like that is that yes you may love him, but i think that its cause your scared of letting him go..i mean you've been with this guy for 2 yrs, thats a hell of a long time and your probably attached to him no matter how bad he treats you, its hard letting go of someone who you've devoted so much energy to for the past 2 yrs...Trust me, I probably know better than anyone how that is. But sometimes, in order to truly be happy and move on, you need to let go. I once heard this saying " Just cause you love someone, doesn't mean that you have to be with them." I wish you the best and I hope that what i said helped.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): You don't love him. You just have your self esteem tied up in him so you need him. You feel crushed that he treats other women better than he treats you, so you're desperate for him to start treating you better. That's why you can't cut him out of your life, that's why you want to be with him, because your self esteem depends on him showing you the tiniest amount of respect or consideration. If you cut him out of your life you would have lost even that small amount.
You're basically latching onto him not from a feeling of love but from a feeling of loss.
you need to dissociate your sense of self worth from him. Distance yourself from him, break up with him, and start dating other guys. Find someone who will treat you better.
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A
male
reader, Maverickjuniper +, writes (19 June 2011):
I will be frank with you and I am not going to sugar coat this dialogue whatsoever. Many of us, throughout our lives, will experience a relationship that we are used, abused, cheated and flat out taken advantage of. Some can rebuild these relationships and other can not.
Putting your emotional feelings (i.e. Love, attraction)to your partner aside, think about your future with him. Many times when it comes to unfaithfulness history has a way of repeating itself. If he cheated on you yesterday, made advances on other woman the week before and lied to you about where he was the other night do you truly feel that this will never happen again? The point of dating, in most cases, is to find a life partner. With that said, do you think dating this guy will yield you the result of a life long faithful partner to raise a family with and grow old together happily ever after?
On a more personal level, examine yourself. When I hear of woman who are constantly getting walked all over on by guys and yet still taking them back the woman usually has a self esteem issue that causes them to believe that they deserve this, that they cant find anything better.
Dont be an object. A man should bend over backwards for his woman, period!
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A
female
reader, SMARTERthaniappear +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Don't allow a guy to run your life!!! Stick with your gut. You said you know you can do better, so make it happen. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship that has been off and on. If he's msging other girls, its obvious that the relationship isn't serious in his preference. Put yourself before your boyfriend. He's doing the same to you. A lot of women don't like to rid of someone that's been in their lives for sooo long (Just like how parents are with their childs baby stuff) and thinks eventually that person will change but it usually doesn't happen. If this has been going on for two years now you've got to let him go and open up doors for guys that are ready for a serious relationship.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You simply have to make that decision and stick with it. There is no easy way about this. His behavior continues because the consequenses are not enough to motivate him to stop - in other words you break up with him and he knows you will just take him back
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A
female
reader, lost.dreamer  +, writes (19 June 2011):
I can't help you, but I understand where you are coming from. Always remember no body can change unless they want to. So I guess it comes down to what your willing to accept, but also remember relationships usually decline over time if they do not have committment love and communications, so if it's hard now, will you be able to accept even less down the road? I would say considering it's hard to be without him now, how will it be 5 years from now or even 10, if he becomes impossible to be with. No one should hurt their loved ones, and he should not hurt you.
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