A
male
age
30-35,
*ickpuppies5
writes:I'm currently in a relationship with this girl, but I can't stop thinking about my best friend. I was, and still am deeply in love with her. It is stronger than anything I've ever felt. I already told her this a year ago and she already turned me down back than. Not so long ago I told her again that I still was deeply in love with her. I can't move on. She is perfect for me in every way. The biggest problem is that I have a girlfriend right now who I love, but not even close to what I feel for my best friend. And also I've been having these dreams for about four months now, about how I'm making out with my best friend, and when I wake up I feel terrible and depressed. I just can't get over her. I'd surely appreciate some help.
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female
reader, LukeDuke  +, writes (8 June 2011):
It sounds like you are in a bit of a perdictament. My opinion is you first need to look long and hard at yourself before you think about jumping relationships. Really before you're in a relationship to behind with.
After you have done this you have to think about the possibility of a few things: 1) if u persue a relationship with your best friend and things don't work out. The days of being beat friends is over and become really awkward. Is it worth burning that bridge? Are you ready to put your friendship on the line knowing that losing her all together could happen? 2) It is in our nature to want what we can't have. Think long an hard about the consequences of persuing this relationship. 3) the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Even though it seems to be. Remember after the puppy love part (lusty) of the relationship is over is when the flaws come out. No matter who you're with there will always be someone more attaractive, someone who makes you laugh harder and smile more. Someone who always seems to be better.
Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy, but if you don't think it all through you will regret it. Also, think about your girlfriend. If you have doubts you need to fugue them out asap. It isn't fair to her. If you love her you will give her that. Hope you figure it out friend!
A
male
reader, Sickpuppies5 +, writes (8 June 2011):
Sickpuppies5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot for the help. I'm really gonna try the cue. However I can't actually break contact with her. She has become way too important in my life. But I will try to let it not dominate my day. Again really appreciate it :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): I am/was in a similar position as you. I love on of my friends and had for all 4 years of high school. I was also very depressed. The only thing you can do to get over your friend if nothing can come of it is to end all contact with her. It will be hard because you will want to think that something can happen between you. Maybe go for it one last time but if it doesn;t work than you should stop communicating, as hard as that may seem.I see my female friend maybe once a year and it doesnt take long for all of the feelings to come back. but if you cant get rid of them it will get in the way of everything else you want to do in live. You just have to move on.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (8 June 2011):
 The Good Book says "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
Keep that in mind here because if you are shaky with your girlfriend and shaky with your friend you will loose whatever realtions you have with both of them.
What you need is a cue to divert yourself when you are obsessing about your friend. Make up a word or phrase that when you are thinking about her, you can say. Then get up and do something.
For example. I had some finance troubles that preoccupied my thoughts heavily. I read about what I had told you in a magazine so I decided that the phrase "blueberry pancakes" would be my cue to stop thinking, get up and go for a walk or, call a friend, or putz downstairs in the basement. It worked because it helped me develop some discipline so these consuming thoughts did not dominate my day.
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