A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:(Sorry for the length of this)This isn't really a question about getting over someone per-say... in some ways yes, but it feels weird.So, about a year ago I started dating this guy we'll call A. A and I had a very happy, healthy relationship for the most part, up until the end of course. Our spark had gone out and he felt like he was 'suffocating'. This of course hurt me terribly because he was my first really big relationship and I had lost my virginity to him, along with his to me. But months passed and I got over it. We stopped talking because well... sometimes you spend so much time with someone you never have anything to talk about. I accepted this. Then he started changing... he has become someone I don't even know anymore which at first infuriated me ("Oh but I knew him so well! How could he act like this?!"). I have moved on, I am completely in love with someone else and I realize that sometimes people change in a way we don't want them to.The thing is, though,about two months went by that I never thought about A. I completely forgot about A and over the past week or so everything starts to remind me of him; stupid things, little things. Nothing initiated this- nothing! I just don't get it. I don't like thinking about him because I feel like it's a waste of time.Why can't I just forget about him like I had before? Why is he even in my head?
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lost my virginity, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually today would be marking eleven months together... I didn't even really think about that. Maybe it was subconscious. I guess I'll just have to let my mind wander where it wants to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Possibly it's an anniversary or something happened that reminded you of him? It can easily happen if you share a lot of your life with someone.
You're acknowledging that it is over and seem to have moved on, but unfortunately our emotions to surge up again from time to time. Try not to worry about it as you sound like you know what you are doing.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Why should you forget him? He is not dead is he?
If you forget someone in a bad relationship you are not dealing with the feelings you need to deal with to move on. You are simply (and lazily) brushing things under the rug only to have it resurface later in another relationship.
"A" has caused you some hurt and it is up to you to identify and recognize that hurt. Its good to cry, be angry, and let the emotions take their course.
The reason why this is coming up now is because you didn't deal with it then (read that first paragraph again). You just packed it away in a box and jumped into a new relationship.
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 sometimes memories come back to us but it's a matter of time and they will be gone again...don't be too hard on yourself..if you ask me you won't ever be totally over him and over it..in a way it will be always in your head and having a major role in the story of your life..
but eventually you will grow out of it..you say you're in love with someone else right? well try to enjoy your time with them and relax:)
the more you want to forget it the more you'll be thinking of it
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