A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:About a year and a half ago, I had a boyfriend that was no doubt my first love. Throughout our relationship, since it was both our first, we made plenty of mistakes, some that I regret. He ended up breaking up with me for my bestfriend a week later after a year and a half relationship. I was deeply hurt by this and tried to grasp onto him for as long as I could, but there was no hope since we had an awful breakup. I feel like he has forgotten that we ever took place, since he never reaches out to talk to me or makes any effort to recognize my exsistence. My heart still hurts sometimes, because I wish we were still close, whether friends or good friends; but that seems impossible. If he won't reach out to me, why should I reach out to him? Because of this relationship, I've had a very hard time not comparing him to my current boyfriend. I still live on the edge thinking he'll lie, leave me for someone else, or for anything other reason. It doesn't help that my current boyfriend has lied before, which makes him even harder to trust, but I just don't know how to completely move forward and truely be myself with my current boyfriend. We've been dating for about a year now and I find that I enjoy his presence more than his love, but at the same time I feel like I could never lose him. I just want to know how to move forward from my past and stop thinking that ever guy will screw me over, or always be lieing/ hiding something. It amazes me how one relationship can affect so many, since it feels like what I felt with my ex, I won't feel with anyone else. How do you know when you truely love someone?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Being over someone takes time. First thing is that you need to reconcile your feelings. Allow yourself to be hurt and allow yourself to cry. Most people bury their feelings then (surprise surprise) everything comes up in the next relationship.
Burying your feelings is not independent, or manly or anything else positive. It is childish and stupid - and never works in the long term.
Once you get all that out of the way, start investing in yourself. Pick one thing you would want to improve and work on #1 for a while. In my experience, many people have trouble loving others because they can not come to love themselves - so they hide in relationships thinking that they will be happy. NEVER WORKS.
Once all of this is in place you will be in a much better position to make a commitment to someone and you will be far less likely to become someone's door mat.
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