A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all. Please help. I.m so hurt and confused. I,ve been seeing my bf for around 5 months. Over the last month,we have got closer,and i feel i.ve started to fall in love with him. It appears that he has too. The emotions are running very high,and get more intense with each mtg. I,ve never experienced anything like it. However,after we have spent time together, he will stage some sort of agument,or be very moody on the phone towards me,and has now started to not want to c me at the weekends,only on a sunday,and during the week. He,s messing with me for no apparent reason,bv when we are together it,s really special. He even told me he loved me. Why does he act so destructive after we get so close? It feels like two steps forward,and one back. I.m hurting so bad each time he does this. I don.t understand. Pls help. What should i do? Thank you. X Reply to this Question
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male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 There are some deep set reasons why he is like this but such is secondary to your health and sanity. He may have had succeeded all through his life with people appeasing his drama just so they wouldn't have to deal with it.
This is a relationship of 5 months and these things are cropping up - keep that in mind during your considerations on if this whole mess is worth the trouble. You wouldn't want to stumble into a co-dependency - because that is where this is headed
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes. It did occur to me he,s seeing someone. I have no proof though,but i txd him today,and he,s not even responding. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionspinamker. We see each other twice a wk. It,s v intense,and enough for both of us right now. Yes, he .IS a drama seeker in all arears of his life. It,s hard work. And yes ,he,s testing boundaries. Well spotted.bv why on eart is he doing that? I. Ue told him i.m tired of it . He becomes non commital,and juvinille. I.ve tried backing off. What next? Should i leave? We r getting so close,but i can.t bear the fall outs two days later. X
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (7 August 2011):
how often do you see each other? Because it sounds like he has allowed this relationship to crowd his life - and he is taking all that out on you.
Have you asked him about his behavior? or expressed how it makes you feel?
"I become very hurt when we bicker over (x). Why are we doing this?"
Some people are not satisfied unless there is some type of turmoil in their lives - they expect it, look for it and in the process create it themselves.
his behavior is also continuing because you have not given him sufficient reason to alter it. When he acts up you can always say:
"Listen, I refuse to have an unreasonable conversation. I am going to take 20 minutes to let things cool down, please call me back then."
If you have noticed his behavior getting progressively worse it is likely he is trying to seek his boundary with what you are willing to tolerate. Tell him you are not going to put up with (x) behavior and stick to that.
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A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (7 August 2011):
 Have you asked him outright why he is behaving this way? Hate to suggest this but could it be that he's seeing someone else?
Yes, when he's with you he will tell you what you want to hear, he loves you, etc but then to change your arrangements and see you during the week and Sunday only sounds like there is something else going on behind the scenes.
So, you have to think about the important person in all this - and that's you. You have to think about your own feelings and emotions and I would say hold off any more visits or contact for a while. Show him you are not there to be messed around with, whatever his reasons.
It won't be easy and he might try all sorts of things to see you again, but if you do that you know that he will only do the same thing again.
I hope it works out for you and keep us posted.
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