A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this wonderful man for almost a year now. For the first time, he has somewhat hurt my feelings, and as a stupid girl, I played the "it's no biggie" card. We are in a long distance relationship. We are able to see each other a couple times a month for the time being. Things were going smooth! The communication and love is definitely there. For his birthday back in April, I went out of my way to ensure that I would be there for him on his day. I rearranged my schedule...a minor inconvenience, but to me, it was worth it. He thanked me up and down, and thought that was the sweetest gesture ever. Now my birthday is approaching. I have not looked forward to a birthday in years. It has been a very long time since I can remember where I was able to share it with someone special. I took time off of work to leave the possibilities endless. I talked to him last week and said that he was saddened that he is unable to spend my birthday with me due to work. This would not have bugged me if he would have put the effort in and tried to request the time off, but he did not. This shocked me because he has been talking about my birthday for quite some time now. I am hurt, but I don't know how to tell him. I don't want him to think that I am some over-sensitive high school girl. I put in the effort for him, so I guess I just assumed he would have done the same for me. I feel like I am less of a priority to him that he is to me. So, as of late, I have been pulling back. Not responding to his texts as much, or at the same level as mushiness as his. He texts me that he loves me throughout the day, but I only respond to some of them, or I take my time responding to his emails. I know this is childish on my part, but I don't know how to handle this, or how he would take it if I told him that I am hurt. I don't want a pity birthday response from him...I want something genuine from the heart type of response. So guys, how would you handle this if your girlfriend that you loved was hurt over something like this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2011):
 if you took off for him without him asking you can't expect him to do the same. I take off way more time from work to make my LDR work than my BF does. But i have the ability to do it.. a more secure job more leave, more flexibility..
there will be many disappointments in your life... you get a birthday every year and yes I do think you are being a bit childish about it..
people choose what they are willing to do to make relationships work... maybe you need to choose to look the other way on this one.
Of course you have every right to tell HIM ONCE that you are hurt... then LET IT GO....
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
 "he was saddened that he is unable to spend my birthday with me due to work. This would not have bugged me if he would have put the effort in and tried to request the time off, but he did not"
His comment strikes me as someone who cares about you and is unable to celebrate the day with you because of work. He gave his regrets. Sometimes that happens.
He is making a decision that is best for himself. There may be circumstances with his job that you do not know or see. It does not mean he is slighting you or disregarding his feelings.
You admit you are being over sensitive and childish. Ok, time to put on your big girl panties and deal:) Life has dissappointments and let downs from people who genuinely love us. They can not always meet your expections. That does not make you any less special in their heart.
Assume that anything he does regarding your Bday is sincere and based on what he CAN give. Do not compare it to what you did for him. That was a gift from your heart and should not be a downpayment towards you in the future.
Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't be upset if I knew he needed the money or what not, or if he needed to take an unpaid day, just to see me. I am not that shallow of a person. I was with him a couple of weeks ago, and one of his buddies asked if he would like to go to a sporting event in 2 weeks ( on a day that he normally works) BOOM, he asked off and is now going. He has plenty of vacation time, and sick days built up. He is not struggling for money to say the least. Like I said, if he told me that he was unsuccessful on getting the day off, I would not have mind at all. I would be grateful for the effort he put forward in trying to be with me. I don't want or need presents of any kind, I just wanted to have spent my birthday with the person I love. I didn't ask him in the first place, because I wanted him to do it on his own free-will. Oh well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Not everyone has a job that enables them to take just any day they want off. It may depend on workloads, time of year, other people having time off for hols or maternity or all sorts of reasons. WON'T and CAN'T are two different things. If this sort of thing makes you feel this way, you probably need to rethink the maturity of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): hi.. It's my birthday today and my bf of just over a year is working too. He's lucky enough to be able to take 7 weeks off work this summer, but broke it up in the middle by working from last sunday until tomorrow (4 days) I think its because he had to cover somone elses shift. during his birthday in June we both happened to be off work and had a great day celebrating until the early hours, so i did feel disappointed that he went to work for these four days over my birthday out of 7 weeks off!I joked about it in a way that made him realise i would have liked to have seen him but decided to do something nice off my own back and apart from drifting onto this site for a few moments i'm going to meet up with my daughter, my sisters and my mum soon and go out somewhere nice for the day! Next time i see him i hope we'll be going out to celebrate somewhere, so i'm looking at it as being another day of celebrating my day!I know its abit upsetting when you can't be with the one person you want to be with, but I think you should see whats happening near you on your birthday and organise a day or evening out with some friends/family and make sure you have a nice time celebrating when you next get together with your bf. Look at it as having two birthdays maybe? but don't let it spoil your birthday!take care x
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (9 August 2011):
 A gift is not a gift if it is expected that it be reciprocated.
If I was your boyfriend and after all this time you bring it up to me how disappointed you were that I did not see you just as you came to see me, I would be very upset at your pettiness.
Best bet is to let this one go.
For the next special occasion you can drop the notion that you would really like him to come out your way and see what happens then.
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