A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! Any help would be greatly appreciated! Is it normal for guys to tell white lies? I keep catching my bf telling me little white lies. It actually bothers me, but I can learn to accept it if all/most guys tend to be like this. Examples of little white lies he'll tell: He'll tell me a story about what happened at work, but later if he retells it, the details will be changed. Or he'll say that he celebrated and drank with some friends on a certain night, but I find out later it was a different night (and I can't see it as a memory problem, because he'll tell me he drank two nights ago when he really drank last night). I don't know why he does this. I think I'm bothered because on the one hand, if he's doing it on purpose, I think it's disrespectful for him to think he can lie to me like that. I'm also bothered if this is actually some sort of mental problem and he just can't help lying, which makes me waver in my trust for him.On the other hand, I haven't caught him telling any major lies... So if this is normal, I can learn to accept it and try not to let it bother me (although I probably won't really understand it...). I don't even know if I'm over-reacting...Any thoughts? Thank you so much!
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Not that women ever tell white lies either, of course...
A
male
reader, BJacobs +, writes (15 August 2011):
 I wouldnt worry about it becasue the average person tells 3 lies per 10 minutes of conversation, could be small down saying something was a different color or it could be big like saying something didnt even happen. Either way ppl do lie ALOT. He might feel like you wouldnt be interested in his stories, so he changes them to make them more appealing to you. I would just talk to him and ask him why he does it. if he dodges the question somehow i wouldnt worry about it too much, as long as hes not lieing about cheating and what not.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (15 August 2011):
You know, he may have been drinking BOTH NIGHTS.
Anyway, If the details change or seem to be unnecessary, or he seems to be answering questions you did not answer, then you need to nail him down on the facts and ask questions. Do it politely, and if he says, "Oh yeah, that's right, I must have remembered wrong" and continues, you are probably OK. But if there is any defensiveness, or nervousness, etc then you may want to find out what is behind the stories.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Stories get a little better every time you tell them, and recall isn't perfect.
If he stands to gain something (besides a more interesting story) from a white lie, you might consider if there's something up. If he doesn't gain anything meaningful, it's just normal imperfect recall or exaggeration.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 August 2011):
 No, it's not normal for a guy to tell little white lies like that. It's possible once in awhile for him to get the days mixed up, but not all the time.
What you need to know is why THIS GUY is doing it.
If he's getting mixed up a LOT on his whereabouts, then that is a red flag for him having someone else.
...............................
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 August 2011):
 An old preacher said to me once that the only difference between white lies and black lies is that white people tell white lies and black people tell black lies.
They are still lies and if this person is comfortable exaggerating and manipulating the truth to achieve a certain goal that will become a concern later.
Have you stopped him in his stories when you encountered a change?
"I remember you telling me you were drinking last night not 2 nights ago"
If so how did he react?
There is a chance he just gets his details mixed up and there is no campaign of deception.
...............................
|
