A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my bf a couple months ago. we were together for about 4 years and things were starting to go sour... we tried to mend the relationship but it was too broken to go on.after the break, we kept it friendly, but i never stoped loving him. i like to believe that he still loves me, but i don't know... sometimes he's super sweet and sometimes cold.so, to make a long story short, we saw each other for the first time after the break yesterday... and we ended up having sex. i must say, he knows i have feelings for him and i tried to resist him, but it was so hard... after, we talked and decided not to get back together, but my mind is going crazy!i can't stop thinking about him!so, i decided to call him and he was super cold and rude... i don't know what i did... i don't want to get back together because he's made me cry a lot, but i also don't know how to get over him. what do i do? i feel used... was i used? and how do i get over him?
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male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (25 July 2011):
 You were probably on 2 different levels of "getting back together."
After your little pillow talk discussion of the matter and conclusion that it would not be good to get back together, all questions were irrevocably answered in his mind.
Case Closed - while you still maintained a little bit of hope.
You should feel used because you were - also you used him for the same reasons
Getting over him requires discipline to get up when you find yourself entertaining unpleasant thoughts, and some time working on yourself.
All that time you spent with him, it would be a good idea to take up an interest or a hobby and put that time towards that. Working on things that interest or may interest you is the best way to move forward in your life because it will teach you focus and train you to not allow your mind to wander places you wouldn't want it to go.
Remember there is no easy switch that cuts feelings - if you believe that and use that as your strategy, all you are doing is sweeping things under the rug. It isn't like facebook where you hit the X button and delete connection with someone.
In every scenario like this it is important to be proactive instead of reactive. Sit down and figure out where you want to go and they type of person you want to be - then take the time and invest in #1
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (25 July 2011):
 He did use you. He knew how you felt and decided to use it to his advantage. You just have to give yourself time. Don't contact him and don't have anything to do with him. Take on your favorite and new activities. You'll be over him sooner than you think.
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