A
female
age
30-35,
*annapao26
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is 36 years old and I'm 20. At the Beginning of our relationship everything was perfect, we used to go out to dinner, watch movies, go for walks at the park. We had our issues along in the relationship and its really sad because I truelly love him, he means a lot to me.We ended the relationship 3 times already for the reason that he's always busy, he doesn't like it when I call him more than once ( he says that if I call him and he doesn't pick up it means he saw my call but he is busy ) however, even if I call him 10 times he won't call back. He would really get mad and be extremely mean and be nasty to me which hurts me a lot. Another issue is the fact that he's busy all the time. ( he has 3 kids which means the free time he has is for them, which I understand that's how it should be but I can't help it in feeling a little jealous). I wish he would make time for me it has been 7 months since the last time we went out to eat or the movies or even out together, we always see each other at his house for like an hour or two, which is sad because I feel like I'm turning into a game. He says he loves me but things are not always done the way I want. I love him so much and I'm willing to change whatever I'm doing wrong but he's not willing to change and be more caring and loving and spend time with me. Everytime I want to spend time with him he gets mad. Idk what to do I love him and I don't want to lose him. Please help me, I need your advise. He's a great man..... p.s he's not married
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female
reader, dannapao26 +, writes (30 June 2011):
dannapao26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't spend time with his kids, but he did introduced me to his friends co-worker, roomates and bother. And we did spend time but at his house for an hour or two , but it has been 7 month since the last time with went out to eat or to the movies.
A
female
reader, dannapao26 +, writes (29 June 2011):
dannapao26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice! .. I usually keep calling if he doesn't answer. I try calling him once and that's it but he never calls back. I love him but I totally agree with the fact that he's not into me. However, when we do breakup he would start playing games and trying to make me jealous which annoys me. I actually ended the relationship lastnight i feel really sad. He said to not call him ever again and that's what I will do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 It could be that you freaked out in front of his coldness, and you have started nagging and pestering him with calls and demans, which gives him the excuse for withdrawing evenmore. When you push, he pulls.
But, basically, I think it's an excuse, or a razionalization for a scarce interst. "Love " means that the other person is important for you, even vital- and people will always make time for what's important to them. When there's a will, there's a way,people who really care about their relationship will go to great lengths to make it work, they won't just say " this is how things are, take it or leave i ".
It perhaps may even be that minding his 3 children leaves him no time for a relationship, but in this case, that's his problem, he should not even have started one if he can't give even a reasonable part of his time and attention, and if he does not care at all about his partner's need, that's very arrogant and selfish of him.
I think this relationship is unbalanced, quite simply you are much more into him than viceversa, so you have no leverage. You don't have tro try and change yourself, even if you have maybe made mistakes and showed yourself a a bit clingy- because he told you flat out that he is NOT going to change, he is not going to meet you half way.
You'd better stop thinking what cartwheels can you do to make him happy, and start looking for a guy who wants to make YOU happy.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Sounds to me that he is recoiling from you being so persistent in contacting him - at least that will be his rationalization behind the REAL motive in why he is distancing himself from you.
My suspicion is that he has grown tired of you and wishes to find some one else.
A minor tip that could save you considerable trouble in any relationship: When a man has told you that if he is busy he will call you back. When you keep calling and calling over and over, all that says to the guy in me is "Wow, she does not listen to anything I say nor does she respect me"
To men love equals respect and if you do not respect what they say you do not love them no matter how much you say you do.
If a man is not respected in a relationship he will withdrawl - and oftentimes you will not be told simply because why should say something if it is not going to be respected?
You either shooed him way by your persistance or he has found greener pastures. Most likely he has found greener pastures and will pin all of that on you because of the above.
To be blunt there is very little a 36 year old with 3 kids has in common with a lady of your age. Always be on the look out for people who are able to take advantage of a life experience differential. I would hate to see a nice lady such as yourself be taken advantage of by someone who knows more angles than you at this point in your life.
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I could relate in your situation and I guess guys usually are like that.From the beginning all nice and sweet but at times they get tired.You know my bf is like yours, Every time I call him he tells me he is very busy and I keep trying to call him he won't answer anymore... I hate it when he does that and when I sent him text messages he could hardly even reply.I would ask him why then he tells me his busy... I started to wonder if he is cheating on me or he doesn't love me anymore.The whole thoughts of him not giving me time kill me... There are times I would nag him the entire day and call him for hours and hours until we end up arguing.Like you I told him I'm willing to change if you want me too just anything but at least show me a little care and love. He said I love you but try to understand I'm busy and stressed out of my work.He tells me that guys don't usually like to call all the time neither sent messages.Well it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore so I said if you don't give me time and importance that I need we are better off separated.Which he couldn't decide at all so he said I'll do it if so you would stop bothering.Few months past and it was all great but after then back again at the same situation.I gave up and never said a word to him anymore...I just kept myself busy since there is not much I can do about it but to give him space and understand... So I guess your story is more like mine....Just remember it's not just only you in the same bad relationship.If you read problems of women against men you would think your even luckier since your still together and some guys even took off and not bother explaining to their partner.Just be more patient and understanding he has 3 kids to take care of... If your fed up then tell him if he can do anything for you but if not better end it yourself...Good luck hope you get thru this...
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