A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes:So, dated this girl a while back, but I always tried to keep in touch. She said she wanted to still hang out and stuff, but she never initiates contact.(none of my friends ever contact me, not unless they need something or something bad has happened, never to talk or hang out) Yet she always responded. I hadn't seen her in person in almost 8 months. Everytime we make plans to hang out shes either too busy or something comes up. Like, the last 2 times, she had forgotten a previous planned meet up with friends or she was moving. I understand she works 2 jobs (so do i) but come on :( last week, I wanted to see if she wanted to join me and some friends to the movies, but she said she had to finish unbox ing from moving. :P However, recently, i asked her if she would like to start dating again, but said she liked me better as a friend. I was cool with that, but asked her to actually tell me when she was free, cause every time I get that, is the last time I ever hear from that person again. She said she would (never did) and that she understood, and thats happend to her before.Yesterday, I sent her a email, telling her, I'm off next week let me know if she wanted to hang out ( she always answers her emails fairly quickly, in minutes, cause of her phone) but, no response, not even a "okay"I'm planning on deleting all her contact info... her email and phone number, facebook. She says she wants to be friends, but I feel like she's blowing me off all the time. Should I not contact her anymore, what questions should I be asking myself so I can figure out what to so next, any ideas? I feel like I'm overeacting but I don't know.
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female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 hello,Ok, you don't want her as a friend, you want her as a girlfriend. That is what you need to understand. If you accept this then realise that she isn't into you. Don't hang around for emails and crumbs of texts and communication. It's all a waste and it just upsets you and brings you to despair. From what I can read of your situation, you were interested in her as a girlfriend and she politely keeps blowing you off. That's all you need to know. All this "busy" and "unboxing" rubbish are all excuses. In order to move on, just delete all her details, do not contact her and you will find she will not be in touch. That way, you can then move on and look for a girl that is interested. Don't waste a moment longer. I've done the hope and wishing and second guessing with guys in the past and i've been bitterly disappointed. When I actually cut contact and moved on I felt a sense of freedom and relief. Seriously, move on and you will feel much better. x
A
male
reader, Figaro2583 +, writes (2 July 2011):
One thing here, women are attracted to testosterone. And from your response, the way you think makes it look like you are not carrying much of it. Girls want to be emotionally penetrated. (not talking about sex though its related, but you girls know what I am talking about). They want guys who are more socially experience, have bigger circle of influence, braver to achieve what they can't, quick on his feet, confidence when they know they will crumble. A man needs to penetrate a girl emotionally and anchor her to give her stability (again NOT sex, but emotionally). From what I read, she is obviously not interested in you, for the reason that you haven't really experienced the world yourself. SHE KNOWS YOU DON'T HAVE OPTIONS, and that is devastating to her feelings for you when she is convinced. The more you chase her, the more she is convince of that. You are in your twenties, get yourself out there and toughen up and you will find that hot girls will melt at your feet!
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (2 July 2011):
 To resolve your uncertainty it may be best if you are more definitive with how you ask her out. Asking a lady if she wants to hang out or "if" she is interested in going somewhere does not grab attention and it shows indecision and uncertainty.
For example if you know she is off on Friday and you have knowledge of what she would be interested in put it to her this way: "I plan to go to do (x) on friday, if you would care to join me."
Not demanding and not a question and not at all uncertain.
Women are women and the all desire to be treated as such even though they may not admit it. Also call her - no emails or texts, technology is wonderful but it is not appropriate when asking a lady out.
Ratchet up your game a little and if she is not responding then you can be certain she is not interested.
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A
female
reader, GingerLand +, writes (2 July 2011):
It sounds like she really is blowing you off. You know she is. But the good news is you do not need her. If she'd rather do other things then that's whatever. I think you should leave her alone for a while, maybe once you start distancing yourself from her she'll begin to miss you and start emailing/texting/calling you instead and then you can decide from there if you want to hang out with her. You should hang out with other people instead of allowing her to treat you the way that she has. Good luck :]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Don't delete her contact info, thats a little drastic, she is still your friend, she just needs time. I think she may feel a little awkward because she knows you like her more than a friend. Just give her time to adjust to this information, she more or less said this in saying that she understood and that you would hear from her.You need to give her some space. Stop contacting her for a couple of weeks. Then after awhile she may contact you first if she doesn't hear from you, if not only contact her now and then like, once a week and don't mention meeting up for a few weeks. She may feel you are being too pushy to meet up after her saying she prefered you as a friend, she just needs to make sure you understood what she said, she could be afraid you still want something more if you keep asking her constantly to meet up when shes not ready yet (she needs time). Look at your actions, have you been harrassing her to meet because you are panicing that you will loose your friendship with her. If so you need to relax, take a step back, give her time. Otherwise you will push her away.Im sorry she did not reciprocate your feelings, but you need to save your friendship now by giving her a little space. Time will heal, and she will be your friend just as she was before.Good Luck.x
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