A
female
age
41-50,
*estiny5200
writes:hi i need advice from anyone out there. im engaged getting married in a few months he thinks im a virgin i told him that i had a medical procedure and they kind of broke my hymen so i dont think i have a hymen told him its easy for me to insert my finger without a problem he was ok about it i said look i might still bleed when it happens we decided to not do it till the wedding night plus religon he said just i trust you and that u wouldnt sleep around blah blah. but im not a virgin i lied to him kind of didnt want to i hate myself for it but now if i turn around and say that was all a lie he'll never beleive me for anything only had one partner had sex maybe 10 times. if i dont have sex in a week i close up its been a yr more. i was wondering should i have my wedding day on my period lightest day so a little blood does come out even though i dont have a hymen but he kind of knows that please reply and dont write tell him the truth i need advice please cant turn around now and tell him!! thank you
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female
reader, mediocreland  +, writes (28 August 2009):
If your hymen is broken then you don't bleed during sex unless you're being unusually rough. If you've told him you'd fingered yourself just fine then he shouldn't expect you to bleed.
If he thinks you're lying, and you still don't want to confess, show him some research and tell him it's normal not to bleed.
It's pretty obvious when you're on your period vs. hymen bleeding too. Don't do that.
Just tell him the truth. Your cover up story sounds like it could easily be researched and proven wrong, and probably he'll find out eventually, through friends or family. It'll be worse then that it would be now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): He is your fiance but he does not automatically have any right to your virginity. Not in most countries anyway.
But he does have the right to expect your honesty. You know this is important to him and you know that he has been led to believe a lie about it.
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A
female
reader, destiny5200 +, writes (28 August 2009):
destiny5200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys i know what your saying but i just cant turn around and now say that i lied about that id never lie to him about anything again just need to get pass this issue. no one really advised me on if i should have my wedding night on my period ( lightest day ) so that he will be able to see the blood. he thinks as i have told him I DONT HAVE MUCH OF A HYMEN LEFT due to a medical procedure. in a way i think he loves me more than proving im a virgin but if i can make it abit convincing at least show some blood even though there is no hymen...please reply thatnk you to all i appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (27 August 2009):
 I agree with Sphronas...You need to tell him the truth. A true relationship, a true marriage is built with truth among a whole lot of other things. And if you can lie about this now, what other things will you lie about in the future? That's not a good way to begin a life with someone that you care about. I myself am not one of those people who put huge emphasis on virginity but obviously, for him and his beliefs virginity is VERY important,very sacred and a huge factor for a marriage, and to deceive him into thinking that you are a "virgin" is totally wrong. You need to be honest about it, you never know what his response may be, he may look past it and be with you anyway, but that choice should be his to make and his only. Please tell him, it's not worth you living with this guilt over your head throughout your marriage. Get everything out in the open and start your relationship over with complete honesty.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (27 August 2009):
 You don't want us to advise you to tell him the truth, but I have to tell you that in my experience, relationships that are built on lies don't last. Although I can't really understand why, I am aware that for some religious people virginity is a big issue, and he seems to be such a person. If you really respect him, you should also respect the importance he places on this and come clean rather than lie to him about something that is so important to him.If he rejects you afterwards, sure, that would be painful but it would also tell you that his religious ideas matter more to him than you do, and that is not a good basis for a relationship anyway. But on the other hand you may find out that his love for you is greater than his love for his religious principles, and that would be a very good basis for a relationship indeed.
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