A
female
age
41-50,
*ozannaWindsorCXX4
writes:I'm 26, my husband's 28, I'm originally from Ontario, he's from Michigan.I met him when I was working in Michigan centre over 4 years ago, we got into a relationship and it was mostly good. Like all relationships it had its ups and downs.We've been married for 2 years now, and things were good up until about 3 weeks ago when my husband suddenly said "You don't understand me, I don't understand you, I want out."He wants a divorce soon, but I don't. I know marriage has to be worked at, and I love him, but it seems like now he can't handle it when the going gets tough.I asked him why, and he was initally reticent to say why until he claimed we had too much of a culture clash - me being Canadian, him being American.He's also stopped having sex with me, instead preferring to booze and sits around watching TV in his underwear - and this makes me feel unloved.Yet he's a decent guy nearly all of the time - kind, loving and well-respected.However, I hear rumours that he's been having an affair with a married man - which he denies and claims are just that, rumours - but how can I be sure it's not idle gossip?I live in Michigan still by the way but often cross the border to visit my family - where I come from in Windsor, Ontario is literally across the river/bridge (if you're driving).I don't know how my husband can claim there's a culture clash; yes our cultures are similar, but they have some differences too. Canadian and American culture does differ though.I think my husband wants to get out, but he won't elaborate any further on why, and really, is his reason a good enough one to divorce?What should I do? He just won't discuss why and every attempt I make at communication ends in no discussion.It feels like I'm in a no-win situation.I just want to work at our relationship and get things on a good level and back to how they were, but it seems like an uphill struggle.My apologies if this is lengthy, but I needed to get this all down in writing to let out my worries/stress.P.S. Although I live in the United States, I set Canada in my profile since I was born there and often spend time there since I am that close to Canada.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): What happened three week ago when he declared, "You don't understand me, I don't understand you, I want out?" I would say from your posting that you do understand him and that you thought he was an all-around OK guy. One thing that surprises me about you is that even though it is a rumor that you do not take umbrage at the possibility that he could be having an affair. I find this quite odd.If you analyze his declaration you could put the case that he is indeed into men (you don't understand me) and he doesn't understand you (you being straight).On the face of it I think your guy has realized that he doesn't want to live a lie but can't face the lie he has told you thus far and he is doing his darnest to alienate you (tv in underwear and you feeling unloved) to push you away. He finally telling you he is through is his ultimate attempt to leave you without telling you the truth about himself.Here's a search to look up to help you:signs+husband+is+gay
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Ok, if the guy wants a divorce and doesn't even want to talk about the real issues, just gives you bs about culture clash (give me a break), then it's just time to move on. Nothing else to say. Nothing can be solved without communication. Keep trying to get him to talk, try to go to counseling, etc. Try all possible avenues for commnication. But if he doesn't want to elaborate and just keeps giving you bs, then what the heck is it that you are in anyway? Sounds like a bunch of bs, not a real relationship!
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 August 2009):
 Its impossible to tell what's eating at him. I am not thrilled about him drinking alone in front of a TV.
The rumors about his affair with a married man could explain some things. He could be bisexual, but I would have assumed he would've told you that when you met him.
The real issue here is what it is that he wants from you other than out? The culture clash thing is just BS. That's a flimsy explanation at best.
I don't know all of the answers on this one without more facts, but I truly sense you do love him, and he is being obstructive and uncooperative here.
Perhaps he just doesn't see you any more and merely looks through you. There could be a number of reasons for this. Only you would know them, and perhaps he does too.
You could try counseling. But I think if he's going to be like this for a long time, you will inevitably want out too.
There is no sense in keeping someone trapped in a relationship that does not want to be there.
You are fortunate in that your family is nearby, and I am guessing that if you had to, you could go to them for emotional support.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (29 August 2009):
 I understand that this comes as a shock to you, but if your husband wants a divorce, that is really all you need to know for now. There is no point in fighting it or dragging it out, that would only add to the pain. You can only "work on a relationship" if both sides want this. As for wanting to understand the reasons behind the failure of your marriage, that is perfectly natural and I would encourage you to talk about this with your husband, because that way you can at least learn something from the experience. But don't use it as a reason for not agreeing to the divorce.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (29 August 2009):
The differences in culture are so minimalist its not even relevant. Thats a bull shit cop out. I am from michigan I live twenty minutes from the canadian border. I used to drive up to windsor to play in some of the bars. I tried to get a job at dannys.. (dont judge me .. I am strait, I just look good naked.) But the culture difference Thats like saying I am from vermont, your from wisconsin, this could never work.Thats just idiotic. Secondly , the rumors well until proven it is a rumor. But humans need physical contact so the lack of sex is bizarre, he has a sexual release of some kind, but it may just be masturbation... Who knows.Now, about the divorce. Are the problems fixable? thats the main question here, if he cant give a legitimate reason I may be infidelity. Thats not really a repairable item to overcome. You know what I mean?I wish you all the luck in the world though. Hopefully with a little more time, and a serious sit down conversation you can uncover the cause of the problem.sincerely-iydm
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