A
female
age
41-50,
*oni11
writes:I've been married for one year now... and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 months and is not happening. He has a daughter with another woman, she is 10 yrs old and is coming to live with us. She is a 'good" girl but i really dont want her to live with us, I already told my husband what my feelings towards this were, but he doesn't care. I know we are gonna have a lot of problems because of this.... also he doesn't treat me as I he is supposed to treat his wife. He is really cold with me and when he gets drunk ( not all the time) he starts calling me names and stuff. He really wants a baby, and I wanted it too but now, I am not sure. I told him I wanted to go back on the pill for one more year and see what life has planned for us, but he got really mad and said not to even think about it. Should I go on the pill anyway? and not tell him? even thought I love him, I am not sure how much longer I am gonna tolerate this situation.
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conceive, drunk, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 yes, i agree with you to take the pills until you really sure about your marriage.
Hold the pregnancy, until you are sure that your husband will treat you well.
good luck!
A
female
reader, moni11 +, writes (26 August 2009):
moni11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much... He has always buen disrespectful and cold with me, he says I just take things way to serious. But I would really love for him to show me that I am an important part of his life..but he won't do it. I am sure that one day I am gonna end this. I'm gonna go on the pill and not tell him ...this isn't the right time for a baby to come to this world. Thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Hi, please dont even think about pregnant yet. you must first sort out all the other issues that you are having problems with. Dont lie about going back on the pill - be honest and tell him what you are doing as that is the most important thing in a relationship. You must talk - honestly. You think he has a problem with his drinking or you wouldnt have mentioned it but does he? I dont know the problem you have about his daughter but you must sort that out as well. Please dont think that having a baby will bring you closer together because if you are having problems, having a baby will, believe me esculate the problems 10 fold and it isnt fair to bring a child into anything but a loving relationship. Even if it means that you split, that is better than a sham of a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (26 August 2009):
If your husband acts differently towards you now, and he also seems to be colder and unreceptive to your feelings.. i mean honestly, that is a crisis.
Communication and listening to your significant others requests is one of the biggest portions of a relationship. How could it ever work, if you dont act on it? What is the point to having a marriage if you cant even communicate and work through problems.. because we all know that ignoring a problem is not a means of conflict resolution.
I think you should re evaluate your relationship before you bring a child into the confusion.
-iydm
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A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (26 August 2009):
 It would be interesting to know something about the sequence of events here. Did you tell him that you did not want his daughter to move in and THEN he became cold towards you? Because that would be the most natural reaction in the world from a father. Or has he always treated you with coldness and disrespect?
In either case, the two of you are obviously not made for one another. You should not have a relationship, let alone a child.
Find someone for whom you feel love and respect and who returns these feelings. Then, and only then, should you think about starting a family.
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