A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck in some kind of twisted love triangle with 2 of my best friends and I feel it's going to ruin all of our friendships but I don't know what to do.Me and Leanne* have been best friends since birth and Ste* is our closest boy friend, we've both had soft spots for him in the past and he is very openly flirtly with both of us and I realised that I liked him a lot.A couple of weeks ago I suspected that something had happened between Leanna and Ste as I knew he had been over hers to watch films and hang without anyone else there, so I confronted her about it and yes they had got together twice - I was upset and angry and told her that I liked him, she didn't realise and she told me that our friendship was far too important to risk over a silly fling so a couple of days later she sat him down and (she told me) that they had agreed to stop it before it went to far as it was too weird (she didn't tell Ste about me liking him as I had asked her not to, just to prevent more complications)Anyway we were all fine, hanging out as normal with our other friends until last night we were out and I noticed Ste being really over flirty with Leanne, always trying to hug her and touch her, she bats him away (which i feel she does for my benefit) and after he took me home he found her jacket in his car, an excuse to go back to her house without me there... it's really upseting me and as much as I trust her, I can't help but believe that something is still going on.Now I don't know whether to trust her and try to ignore it, or say something and risk all of our friendships? :(
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female
reader, goodwoman  +, writes (25 August 2009):
You have a true friend in Leanne. She respected your feelings and acted accordingly by telling Ste that it would not be correct to be together. By her doing this you then expected that Ste would then turn his interest towards you since you have a thing for him. He is attracted to your best friend. Give them the green light....you should be sincerely happy for her and Ste. How can you say that you don't know whether to trust her - again, you have a fab friend in Leanne. The real question here is can she trust you? You would ask your best friend to give up a relationship for you (which she did), would you do the same for her? The fact that Ste persists with Leanne should tell you that he is not interested in you the same way he is interested in Leanne. There is no problem here other than your bruised ego.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): i'm in almost the same situation as you, a guy friend i thought liked me and i liked him likes my best friend. i have decided to let them get together if they wish to. there are plenty more fish in the sea and i am going to tell myself that if they are happy then so should i be. you have two choises speak out and tell this guy that you like him or choose to let them get together and suffer in silence and hope you get over him. i'm sorry i can;t be of anymore help. good luck
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A
male
reader, Sphronas  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 You are not stuck in a love triangle. Two of your friends are attracted to each other and Leanne is trying to hide this from you because she knows you like Ste too and she does not want to hurt you. However, Ste is obviously attracted to HER, and not to you.
My advice is that you get over it and not stand in their way. Neither of them owes you any restraint. Obviously it will be painful for you, but that does not mean that you have the right to make it painful for them, too.
As difficult as it may be, tell them to follow their feelings and try to be happy for them. This will help you get over it.
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