A
female
age
30-35,
*iger14
writes:So i have been talking to this guy for three weeks. He tells me he really likes me and wants us to be together but we are taking things slow. We get along great and he has shared things about his childhood and life with me that he has never shared before. I really like him and cant wait until we make it offical , but there is one problem.He confessed that he has slept with about 40 women which could me more or less. I dont like the sound of that but i really like him and i think im falling for him. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Let's get one thing straight here: Most normal men of any age have absolutely not slept with 40 women. And most normal 18-21yo guys have gotten with less than half a dozen girls. This guy's numbers are huge and they tell you something bad about how he deals in relationships. It bothers you now because it probably should. At the very least, make him wait a good long while before sleeping with him. You said you "can't wait until you make it official"? I think you should already be very "official" if you're thinking like this. The best players like to squeeze into your pants right before it becomes "official" . . . and then they never make it official. They go a few more rounds with you in the sack until they get bored and eventually just move on to the next girl.
A
female
reader, Tiger14 +, writes (27 August 2009):
Tiger14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the answers they were really helpful..but yes he has told me he isn't proud of it is just like something he went through and what not, but he tells me that he has never spoken to someome for this long and he feels really different about me, he said he is ready to settle down but doesn't want to scare me away by saying things that are so serious, he said he doesn't want me with anyone else but him and that would wants to be with me forever so I don't know if this is true or what but I want to believe it, and I do trust him and deffinately appreaciate him for his honesty
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A
female
reader, allovertheboardgirl +, writes (27 August 2009):
I completely disagree with the last response, as far as it being a red flag. Whether or not it's a red flag depends on a variety of different factors, WHY he slept with such a large quantity of women, did he realize that sleeping with a great multitude of women ultimately offered him nothing, etc? You should also appreciate his honesty. Most normal men probably have slept with over 40 women, they are just not willing to admit it! And if he truly is the one you will be over to get over the fact that he has slept with 40 women and realize that it was just a part of his past but that you are the one that he wants to be with forever and that's all that matters.
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A
female
reader, Twistedbaby420 +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Everyone comes with a past. Everyone has made choices in their lives that they aren't necessarily happy with, and probably even regret.
If you are to date him, I would try to find out how he feels about his past... why he thinks he's been with that many women... what has changed to make him want a relationship... etc.
If you think he's a good guy and will be faithful, then you need to obviously both be tested and use protection with one another.
And you will need to be able to get past the number of partners he has had. You cannot dwell on it later, make him feel bad or guilty about it later on, or become jealous or disgusted with him about it. He is unable to change what he has done and that wouldn't be fair to him.
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A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (27 August 2009):
 First, if this man is roughly the same age as you, his claim to forty sexual partners stretches the limits of what is believable, so I wouldn't attach too much importance to this figure. He could be telling the truth, but men tend to overestimate the number of women they have slept with.
Second, let us assume his claim is true. Why does it worry you? Is it because you feel that he would sleep with you and then move on to the next woman? If so, I think your strategy of taking things slow is exactly right. Build your relationship step by step and don't rush into physical intimacy too fast. That way, you give him time to show you that he is interested in you as a person, not just as another sexual conquest to add to his list.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): If he's your age and has already slept with that many girls then I'd be suspicious that you are the one he will actually settle down with. What do you think he told the other 40 to get them into bed? Probably that he loved them and wanted to be together with them! That he is saying these things to you after three weeks is another red flag...it honestly sounds as if he is trying to fast track his way into your pants. Whether you fall for it or not, that's up to you.
If you are okay with sleeping with him, even if things don't work out in the long run, then go for it. But based on his track record, if you take him at his word when he tells you he wants a serious relationship with you, you are setting yourself up to get hurt.
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