A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 10 years and am completely miserable. He's a lovely guy however we don't seem to have any common interests, everything I do seems to irritate him and he never wants to have sex with me.I spend my life dreaming about being divorced and very often sit with "I want a divorce" floating around me head.Is this normal? Am I just psychoanalysing things too much or should I start to take action?My husband knows that I've been unhappy and he's been trying everything to make us work - it's just nothing seems to make me happy with him anymore (I'm happy with other people).The problem is I do care about him and feel awful about the prospect of hurting and leaving him with.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): I really think you should divorce. this should not be difficult to put behind especially if you do not have children.
you both seem to be nice and deserve a better life.we all make mistakes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This isn't abnormal........what is it in your life that just doesn't seem enough. The prospect of "feeling" better with other people is nice. Marriage is not about the other person it is more about you and who you are...what efforts have you made to understand yourself and your husband in this moment of your personal development?? together?? If you have made none...then I would ask you why? Why did you not??? Why did you think he was supposed to ....make....you happy. Why are you not involved enough to tender understanding and support or council?? Why are you letting "other" people in your life to be happy. Why are you not happy saving your marriage to another person who was and is an other??? No one deserves any level of betrayal in a marriage. Stop if you are....flirting and looking for other. Sit down and represent yourself in this relationship and look for common ground. In the end though... you are the culmination of all your choices and people see that, especially you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (27 August 2009):
Im sorry to hear about your failing marriage. Honestly, I think the best thing to do would be simply walk away, if the magic of its initial conception are no longer present, there is really no reason to continue it.You cant FORCE love to come back. They way I like to think of it is like imagine love as a roommate, and when love starts packing his shit, what are you left with... the empty room.There is no reason to live in the empty room. Most likely your both good people, it sounds like your both trying and have tried to make things better, but if its dead. Its dead. you will meet someone to relight the flame, and as well will he. But as a final note, think about this. Does it hurt more to be with, or without him. I wish you all the luck in the world.-iydm
...............................
A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Your marriage is over. Of course that is sad, especially as you both seem to be good people treating each other with care and respect. But you don't love your husband anymore, not in the way that people in a relationship must love each other for the relationship to work. Of course you don't want to hurt your husband by leaving him, but you are hurting him and yourself by staying. In the short term, a divorce is painful but it is better than being miserable for the rest of your life. And by making a clean cut, you give your husband a chance to find happiness with someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): why is your husband only trying to make this marriage work? why are you also not pulling your weight here?well, if you do not want to change your attitude then just divorce your hubby. allow him the freedom to meet dedicated women who will appreciate him for the man he is. darling there will be literally millions knocking at his door trying to get him. that is a reality. keep freaming and your dream will turn into a reality. YOU WILL LOSE HIM. and then do not cry about losing your man. SNAP OUT OF IT, AND START WORKING THE MARRIAGE OR GET OUT OF IT. EASY.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lyndora +, writes (27 August 2009):
This is one of the most difficult of situations to be in if you ask me. I have been there! It is so painful from all angles. But there are two things that seem to help. I never wanted to leave a marriage without at least going to a counselor (a good one) or therapist. They can meet with you separately and as a couple. I did visit a counselor on my own, and I did end up leaving the marriage. I'm glad that I did. Just because someone is kind or trying doesn't mean that they are right for you. A brother can do that! And it seems that his not wanting to have sex with you is a BIG red flag. Don't ignore it. Perhaps there is someone out there more suited for him, and someone for you. The other thing to try is a separation. It is scary and complicated if you have children involved. But by all means, don't live your life just for your children. My son is a much happier individual BECAUSE I left. The bottom line is, if you do nothing, you will be at the same place, day in and day out. Unhappy. Something has to change. Don't deny how your heart feels or what it is saying. Best of wishes....
...............................
|
