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... Send *oshii a private message | | | *oshii's profile:I try to give advice based not only on what's being asked but what i see in the question.
There are a few things ill never do, (Tell someone to leave a partner there in love with being an example of these) This is down to experience and i know what its like for someone to tell you to get out there and find someone better when all you want is an idea of what you can do to help the situation.
I expect that you already know you can do better but have chosen to try and make things work.
a little about me then.
Im 24 from liverpool uk, im training to be a psychologist this September after experiencing probably the most challenging thing in my life. I went manic during '09 and as a result wasn't allowed to look after my (then) 1 year old daughter till i got help. it hindered me for half a year, the guilt i felt that i wasn't looking after my daughter (which i had done since her birth on my own) was heart wrenching. And i was diagnosed with bipolar June or July last year. I have spent the time since trying to gain what little control i have left over my moods and thus came to the realization that i wanted to help people.
I believe Experience is more vital than age when it comes to advising people. I believe i have had a pretty eventful 24 years which in my eyes "qualifies" me to help people.
I will help anyone i can. And will answer every inbox i receive.
So if you have a question feel free to ask me. |
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Worried all the time bout relationship
Q. I got this problem which is really annoying. I'm always terrified that my girlfriend is going to dump me or stop loving me. Even the smallest action sends me into worrying and i have to physically stop my self from calling and txting her all the ...
A. 29 July 2011: Do you have a bad past relationship experience? or is it purely out the blue. Sometimes when we feel so strongly towards someone the fear of losing that person takes up our mind. I wont lie, this probably is annoying your Gf, she might have f... (read in full...)
Is a guy cheating if he comes up with a new position after not having had sex for a while?
Q. If guy comes up with a brand new position after not having sex for a while with his partner, does it mean that he is cheating and he discovered it with someone else? ...
A. 28 July 2011: No, If he was getting it else where chances are your sex life would diminish as his interest was else where.
(that isn't gospel though)
I'd say he's been on the net having a little look and saw something he wanted to try. Definitely with ... (read in full...)
Do you think my ex boyfriend is gay?
Q. So I think my ex boyfriend is gay, and just hasnt came out the closet yet. I also think thats why he comes coming back to me. Not because I look like a man. lol But because I do the things he wants me to do. So here are the things he has done or ...
A. 28 July 2011: Hmm he could be gay, or bi, or just open minded.
Here's the facts, as much as we may hate it the male equivalent of the g spot is found in the anus, The anus is made up of lots of nerve endings which means any pressure on it can be translated by t... (read in full...)
Any tips on how to achieve orgasm through vaginal sex?
Q. Hi guys, i am a 21 year old female. iv been with my boyfriend about 6 months and we have been having sex for a few months now. iv had previuos sexual partners before him. but one thing thats really been bothering my boyfriend is that he can't ...
A. 28 July 2011: he could stimulate your clitoris during sex, or you could whilst he is.
doggy style can help as well as missionary with your legs over his shoulders. My advice here is simple, have a play around finding something that works for you.
Women w... (read in full...)
Why would a man still enjoy watching porn if he was truly affected by a miscarriage?
Q. Hey, I'd like some advice on how to deal with my feelings of anger towards my bf who has been watching porn while i've been coping with a miscarriage. We've been together 9 months, and I know he's been watching porn occasionally (like one short ...
A. 28 July 2011: Im sorry that you had to experience such a terrible loss. but i agree, your boyfriend is probably using porn as a distraction.
women are more open about there emotions where as guys are more likely to become closed off and reserved. Trying t... (read in full...)
I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!
Q. I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...
A. 28 July 2011: I wish you the best of luck in what you decide, also i hoped i helped in any small way.
Remember you are in control of your life and the decisions you make will always rest in your life.
I live my life with no regrets and i am a very "to hea... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I don't want anything from him?
Q. There is this guy that I have know forever. He likes to party a lot and all the girls he has gone out with always end up without him. I have had a crush in him for years now but nothing every happened between us. I recently came out of a ...
A. 27 July 2011: This is more of a throw caution into the wind kinda times, It calls for your to be direct. You also have to stop leading him on just because you like the attention but how else is this guy going to understand your not interested. To him your ... (read in full...)
Should I try and call people after I got so badly drunk and see how they react to me?
Q. I am ashamed of myself. I am in my mid 30's and got drunk at a party, acted very stupid and said so many things that I wouldn't normally say. All I remember is that it was pretty bad and my inhibitions had dropped very low and I would have said ...
A. 26 July 2011: You can only apologize for your action at the party and take it all on the chin.
we've all been so embarrassingly drunk at some point in our life's so i really wouldn't be to worried about it.
So yeah take it on the chin, apologize let th... (read in full...)
I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!
Q. I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...
A. 26 July 2011: What if your vision of perfection is impossible to attain? What if you found this out on your death bed would you look back at this relationship as a key one and wonder what would of happened if you had stayed and worked at it? These are ques... (read in full...)
My fiance's butt stinks....how do I tell him?
Q. I have been dating my fiance for four years now. And theres this small little issue that KILLS me, and grosses me out and i dont know how to tell him without it hurting his feelings. I'm really embarassed to talk about this, but...something needs to ...
A. 26 July 2011: Well picture this, how would you feel if you had a smelly bum and your partner of 4 years didn't tell you?
In fact would you want to know?
I know i would, and after 4 years you should be comfortable to mention stuff like that, i mean how wou... (read in full...)
How can I move on? It's like I'm obesssed with getting him back.
Q. im driving myself insane wanting an ex back who treated me like utter crap. When Im with him I dont even want him. And now hes gone I miss him like crazy even though I know if we got back together it wouldnt work out. Im itching to text him or call ...
A. 26 July 2011: perhaps its routine that you miss, the having someone there, crap treatment or not, its hard when suddenly that persons in your life.
Just ask yourself. "Could i go back to that same treatment" and stick to what your answer is.
You should do... (read in full...)
He cheated and will not stop calling. What does he want?
Q. he cheated Im trying to not think about it but he will not stop calling,and I dont know why. We have a 8 month old together and I know if I answer he will say he is calling in regards to her, but he calls me from morning until night non-stop, at ...
A. 26 July 2011: "you don't know what you've got till its gone" Springs to mind here.
If you don't want to see him you could always handle his visits with your daughter through a family member, (like your mother or father for example) Were he goes to there ho... (read in full...)
Does sex feel the same for a man no matter what woman he's with?
Q. Not long ago I read a question asked by a man, if sex for women was different with different men. He then went on to say that sex for a man is in general the same no matter the woman he is with. So, it doesn't matter if a woman is good in bed or n...
A. 26 July 2011: No it's defiantly not, suggesting its the same is to suggest your not really into said person.
I can safely say with a 100% certainty that sex isn't exactly the same with each person as it was with those before them.
:D
Roshii... (read in full...)
I don't feel I can continue in this relationship, but I cant bear to hurt a child in the process....
Q. I am really struggling and just don't know what to do. And this is from someone who always has a solution for everything. I feel I need to end a relationship to survive - but I can't bear to hurt a child. I have been with my Partner for two ...
A. 26 July 2011: i will return to give a more in depth reply, i have to log soon.
But you leave, Your going to be a much better mother happy then there. it's better to raise a child in a happy home with happy parents sure but if its not there then way drag the... (read in full...)
Does sex feel the same for a man no matter what woman he's with?
Q. Not long ago I read a question asked by a man, if sex for women was different with different men. He then went on to say that sex for a man is in general the same no matter the woman he is with. So, it doesn't matter if a woman is good in bed or n...
A. 26 July 2011: To answer your follow up, Great sex is achieved by a true connection with a person, the guy in the question is basically talking about what stimulants are needed for each sex, women generally need more, and men are relatively simple. Its all pretty ... (read in full...)
I have a great relationship with a fantastic girl, but I cant stop checking other girls out, out of habit!!
Q. Hey guys... Need an advice :) For about four years I haven't had a gf, then two months ago I met this fantastic girl I can't stop being crazy about, we started a relationship, which is by the way going pretty great, but there's one thing that freaks ...
A. 26 July 2011: its human nature, just dont be doing it with your GF, the chances are when shes out and about shes probably checking out guys, it doesn't mean anything. Girls generally are more hidden with it though, but you know there out there with there mates ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 26 July 2011: stay out of it. If the woman has a past then that's all it is, Shes in a relationship with your friend now and they obviously care about each other.
To say he would never date a women who had slept with numerous men is illogical with this day... (read in full...)
Does sex feel the same for a man no matter what woman he's with?
Q. Not long ago I read a question asked by a man, if sex for women was different with different men. He then went on to say that sex for a man is in general the same no matter the woman he is with. So, it doesn't matter if a woman is good in bed or n...
A. 26 July 2011: I think its a little more complicated than that, Men sexually need less stimulation to reach orgasm, which means if a man was to just have sex he would reach climax regardless of who it was. Satisfaction or level of climax you reach is down to... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to get with this girl?
Q. I'm trying to get with this girl I met while me and my friends were out clubbing. She's one of my friend's friends. We've seen each other twice and both times it just ended up with us grinding on each other on the dance floor. I just don't know what ...
A. 26 July 2011: Be yourself (cliché much? )
but seriously if your wondering if she wants to spend time with you invite her for a drink. or see a movie, or both then let her pick.
if she says yeah you take her to the option she picked, then you ask her if she'd... (read in full...)
Loyalty in relationship constantly being questioned
Q. Hello again! My relationship has been rocky lately, and it's been due to my accepting a part-time job at a bank. He used to work at a credit union last yr but lost the job. He blames me for losing it because he'd start arguments with me and try to ...
A. 26 July 2011: Short answer No your not, A relationship is supposed to be about two people sharing a life together and supporting and adapting to one another. accepting decisions you each make together.
Communication seems to have broken down here, but it is yo... (read in full...)
What is the typical refractory period and number of orgasms for men?
Q. What is a typical refractory period for men out there? By refractory period, I mean the time it takes for you after an orgasm to be erect again and ready for the next round. I'm sure it varies a lot, and surely varies with age. I'm just ...
A. 25 July 2011: I have a conditional advantage of being hypersexual, so my "refractory period" varies alot on my mood, For instants i could be ready again moments afterward. continue from point of orgasm, or wait between 5 -10 minutes.
How many times i orga... (read in full...)
Is rubbing my head a sign of anything?
Q. Ok...this is a bit of an odd one...guy I'm seeing for 4 months, always rubs or strokes the back of my head. when were out and were standing next to each other he rubs the back of my head with my hair. Im wondering is this a good sign. Means he sees ...
A. 25 July 2011: it's a sign of possession in a sense, you might not be dating but he's showing that your his in a subconscious kind of way.
He basically doesn't want other guys thinking your "Fair game" i guess.
Hope that helps.
Roshii... (read in full...)
I am still desperate for him to love me, although I am not sure if he does. Any views on this situation?
Q. Hey. I posted a question relating to this a while back and it would take a while to rewrite concisely so please view this before reading: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-has-caused-this-outbreak-of-non-platonic.html Anyway... I still really l...
A. 25 July 2011: This really upset me if i'm 100% honest here. An before i go into my advice rant i just want to say that you can do better. You just don't think you can because you have issues forming relationships with people. Where as this guy obviously thinks ... (read in full...)
I love him with all my heart and yet just like Eve, I surrendered to temptation because of my weakness. Is there any hope to reconcile?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were happy all throughout. We moved in together on our 2nd year and lived together for 3yrs. Ever since we moved in together, we had less and less sex. it would be about once a month.. i would get ...
A. 25 July 2011: in response to your answers i have this to say,
Firstly He's all about him, he should know his part in all this, like someone said before if he was all over you, you wouldn't have soaked up the attention from the other guy.
so don't beat y... (read in full...)
Is there a way to keep him from orgasming too quickly?
Q. Dear readers, I'm in search of any thoughts, opinions or even similar experiences. I have a "bedroom" question. My boyfriend and i have been having some minor issues in the bedroom. First off let me say this is the man i want to spend the rest of ...
A. 23 July 2011: Hmmm i have a few suggestions, I'm somewhat of a sex guru to friends so i've had a few questions like this before.
First off this is about finding out what works for you both.
sounds like hes really worked up by the time you have sex, so i s... (read in full...)
I love him with all my heart and yet just like Eve, I surrendered to temptation because of my weakness. Is there any hope to reconcile?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were happy all throughout. We moved in together on our 2nd year and lived together for 3yrs. Ever since we moved in together, we had less and less sex. it would be about once a month.. i would get ...
A. 23 July 2011: Horrible? That's the wrong choice of word, You blame him for what happened that much is apparent, it's through your own sense of guilt that you've came to the understanding its because of this void that you cheated. Here's a fact for you, Biologi... (read in full...)
Can I tell from her poonani if she's sleeping with other men??
Q. I am 25 years ols and very healthy.I am dating a female who is 35 years old and mother of two.I have sex with her twice a month.She is seperated fom her husband.Our sexual relationship is going fine.I am planning to settle with her.I sometimes feel ...
A. 22 July 2011: Oh as an after note to anyone who may have found this question through a google search etc. Yes semen can be found with in her panty's if shes cheating on you but There is something you should make note of here, During a woman's period cycle her ... (read in full...)
Should I try and move past this, or have I already made up my mind and I need to move on?
Q. Hi everyone. So I have been dating this guy for a little less than a month and it had been going very well. We click so well and have a lot in common and I believe that he likes me a lot. Hes told everyone close to him about me and they all knew my ...
A. 22 July 2011: Hmm this is an interesting situation right here. I'm honestly in two minds about this. lets look at the facts first. Everybody, i dont care if your black, white, male or female. Looks at the opposite sex, its how we are wired. The main ... (read in full...)
I feel like his sex doll! How do I talk to him about this?
Q. hi, I need your help please, I have been with my bf 4 months ago but I know him for a long time, I ve lost my virginity with him last year and we are having sex now after we came back together but the problem is that he doesn't care about me when we ...
A. 26 July 2010: id be very careful when talking to him about this, Chances are he may indeed think hes a sex god, And your rolling with pleasure. Aproach it carefuly. And talk about what you want. alternatively Take control of the situation next time you go to have ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt my boyfriend or put a strain on our relationship, but I just wish he would understand that my grandmother does need me too
Q. My grandfather recently died, and now my handicapped, 88 year old grandmother is home by herself. She is of sound mind, and can take care of herself, but she does have a number of health problems that are managed by medicine. Both my grandp...
A. 26 July 2010: This is all down to a bad relationship with your Boyfriend and your family. You cant expect him to be totally understand with you helping her when he knows there trying to take you apart.
Its hard for the older generations to understand the worl... (read in full...)
Improving my husband's sex drive?
Q. Dear Cupid, Hello, this is a question about my relationship with my husband. How can we improve my husband's sex drive? We have been together for nine years and married for seven. The first two years of dating were fun and sex was great. It was s...
A. 26 July 2010: oh this is a tricky situation, He him self can improve is sex drive by masturbating frequently. a change in diet could help him have more energy if hes stressed, or tired. But its usual for a decline in men as they age. Your in your prime now ... (read in full...)
B/f found out I slept with his friend while we were broken up, says its my responsibility to make him feel better!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend in January, we still loved each other very much, but we couldn't stop arguing and things just weren't working. When I broke up with him he got incredibly angry and cut off all contact with me. I didn't think I would ever ...
A. 26 July 2010: sleeping with a close friend of his was bound to cause this, as for his remark of " its your responsibility to make me feel better" Well thats just crap.
You werent together he cut all ties, Perhaps not the greatest of ideas to start hanging ... (read in full...)
How do I respond to my dad's email saying I have wasted my life?
Q. hello dearcupid.org I was at my friends for 5 days in the southern country. When I came back here I noticed my dad had emailed me. We never have done so great but its always been bearable apart from some random rage conversations mostly about how...
A. 26 July 2010: Theres two things i think that are important here 1- its your life, your decision, parents will worry no matter what we decide to do with ourselves. Your between the aages of 18 -21 so hell your an adult. its time to take responsibility for your... (read in full...)
My wife was a prostitute, but she's mad at me for confronting her.
Q. I've posted here before about the agony of my wife running away at the age of 14 and having sex with strangers on the way or while she was there, she was somewhat shortcoming of the details. After a certain coincidental set of circumstances, I...
A. 19 July 2010: i post not out of anger, nore am i following some rightous path that im trying to force upon you.
Look at the facts, you love your wife.
Your hurting by her past too.
Your torn by this whole thing as much as she is, im sorry if my directne... (read in full...)
My wife was a prostitute, but she's mad at me for confronting her.
Q. I've posted here before about the agony of my wife running away at the age of 14 and having sex with strangers on the way or while she was there, she was somewhat shortcoming of the details. After a certain coincidental set of circumstances, I...
A. 19 July 2010: Which is exactly what your problem is, this isnt about the fact you found this out after 26 years. Its about your inability to deal with your wifes past. Dont patronise me saying i dont understand what your going through because i do. What i was... (read in full...)
We fight ALL the time and it gets really out of hand. How much is too much?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. For the first 6 months, it was great, hardly ever fought, we had so much fun together, we went out places, he bought me things and vice versa. We just loved doing things for eachother. But for the pa...
A. 18 July 2010: im sorry but that is a violent relationship. You have issues you both need working through.
you need to spend less time together, and do more things on your own with seperate friends.
And even though the Violence might not be "that" bad to yo... (read in full...)
I got my teacher pregnant, now she won't talk to me!
Q. UH Hi. Its been awhile since I've asked a question but here goes. The woman I was with last year was a FORMER teacher of mine and we were hiding our relationship because we didnt want to deal with anything that might damage her career. Well the ...
A. 18 July 2010: supporting emotionally perhaps.
I have a daughter of my own, as a single father i understand how diffucult raising a child is.
in a couple setting, what support they each need from the other is different.
you really wont know what sh... (read in full...)
Did I sexually assault someone?
Q. Hey Everyone. Sorry that this is so long, but it’s been bothering me and I have to get it off my chest, and see what people’s opinions are so hopefully I can put my mind to rest. Here is my story as I best remember it and as truthfully as possible. ...
A. 18 July 2010: There is something to remember when drinking, And youll know it well already im just clarifying it.
What people do when there drunk is sometimes different to what they tell there friends.
What i think happened is this, Perhaps what you... (read in full...)
Question on becoming a better agony aunt
Q. Need advice to become a better agony aunt :P didnt feel it belonged asked in the question section since its not a relationship question. Lately, more and more questions are coming to my inbox. I've had everything from dating problems to marr...
A. 18 July 2010: If you cant give advice to someone then simply you cant.
Logic isnt always the best advice, Honest rational posts drawn from experiences youve had or witnessed makes for better advice.
Theres always going to be that one person you cant ... (read in full...)
His ex-girlfriend won't let him go!
Q. i am looking for some advice. my fiancee has this ex-girlfriend who won't let him go. i have found notes that she has written him and they make me feel uncomfortable. i have talked to him about this and he swears up and down that he doesn't ...
A. 18 July 2010: No and why should you, He should of nipped this in the bud long before it got to this stage, You might need to give him a push to do it, and i think your right to not believe hes note encouraging her in her endless behaviour. He should be showing ... (read in full...)
My wife was a prostitute, but she's mad at me for confronting her.
Q. I've posted here before about the agony of my wife running away at the age of 14 and having sex with strangers on the way or while she was there, she was somewhat shortcoming of the details. After a certain coincidental set of circumstances, I...
A. 18 July 2010: ok this is a short one,
1 this happened before she knew you
Making it none of your business. the fact she told you parts of it is good enough.
2-
That was probably something she wanted to forget, she did it for two months, suggesting i... (read in full...)
We fight ALL the time and it gets really out of hand. How much is too much?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. For the first 6 months, it was great, hardly ever fought, we had so much fun together, we went out places, he bought me things and vice versa. We just loved doing things for eachother. But for the pa...
A. 18 July 2010: Ima point something out here, One Your age, Your full of emotion now anyway, Hormones still ect.
2. You have an anger issue. you made that apparent , but lets be honest who doesnt.
You relationships passed whats known as the honeymoon pe... (read in full...)
Can I tell from her poonani if she's sleeping with other men??
Q. I am 25 years ols and very healthy.I am dating a female who is 35 years old and mother of two.I have sex with her twice a month.She is seperated fom her husband.Our sexual relationship is going fine.I am planning to settle with her.I sometimes feel ...
A. 18 July 2010: It seems to me that theres a issue with your own self confidence. Thats just a personal opinion though.
From a rational angle though, lets look at what you put in your post.
First you mention the age difference, How many times you have s... (read in full...)
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