A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got this problem which is really annoying. I'm always terrified that my girlfriend is going to dump me or stop loving me. Even the smallest action sends me into worrying and i have to physically stop my self from calling and txting her all the time to make sure its all okay. I dnt always succeed and I can tell its getting on her nerves but i jsut cant help it. Wat can i do? Tips? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni won't lie its cause she's only my second gf :S and my first didn't go so well as it was pretty awkward and she dumped me. to be honest i think it's too late. and it's not the paranoid me talking. But thanks alot for your answers guys, ill try be better in the future.And yes i don't believe i'm worthy of her. She is so so so way out of my league
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 You are setting yourself up for failure. Few things push a girl away faster than seeing that her man is desperate to keep her. You need to come to peace with the idea of not being with her. Desperation is the anti-confidence, and confidence is the single most important feature for getting and keeping a chick.
Think about it: if she left you tomorrow, you would still be breathing, beer would still be delicious, the sun would still rise, and there would still be 3 billion other women on the planet. Yeah, it would hurt, but it would not be the end of the world.
Take it a step further: if you caught her cheating on you tomorrow (which is always possible, and must be guarded against, but not to the point of defining your life), you would still be breathing, beer would still be delicious... you get the idea. It would hurt, worse than just breaking up, but that's life, and there would be a tomorrow.
Ancient Samurai used to meditate on their own inevitable death every morning, both so they could face it without fear and so they could savor every day for the life they still had. You could learn from that. Enjoy the relationship, do what it takes to sustain it, but if the joy is outweighed by the fear of its loss, you're doing it wrong. Let no person hold any power over you that you do not give them, and that includes power to make you feel this way.
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A
female
reader, Pretty2K12Lady +, writes (29 July 2011):
 truthfully, the best advice i can give you is to just really even things out...you love her? then calm down and enjoy it and stop being insecure about losing her over little things such as calling and texting way too much...dont text her 3 times a day...text her once....if she dont txt back she busy...let her text you sometimes...let her call you sometimes..give her room to make a move...you sound like you have trust issues too...yea that wont work if you want this to stay in tact. try letting yourself juss enjoy the idea of her being your girl and try to not think about what could possibly happen cause if you do...sorry to say but it will happen...so..be patient and have trust in her..she wont leave...find some hobbies or something to do maybe to get her off your mind so much...she may be the world to you but...you have a life too...she aint worrying you cause she has hobbies...FIND SOME
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A
female
reader, justoverit +, writes (29 July 2011):
 You have to learn to trust her because after a while your insecure actions will get the best of you and ruin your relationship, and you may lose her. If she never gave you a reason not to trust her, then you have nothing to worry about. Dont let your hysteria generate problems in your realtionship, have more confidence in yourself. She cares about you if she didnt she would not be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Has anything happened that spurred these fears on in the first place? is she really close to another male or has she dumped you before?
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A
male
reader, Roshii +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Do you have a bad past relationship experience? or is it purely out the blue. Sometimes when we feel so strongly towards someone the fear of losing that person takes up our mind. I wont lie, this probably is annoying your Gf, she might have found it flattering at first, but constantly reminding you that shes not going anyway is going to drive her insane. It could even become the reason why you might leave her. are you feeling guilty about something at all? If that's the case you need to tell her about it before it ruins your relationship. If there is nothing you feel guilty about however, and there's no past bad relationship break up that could be causing this (thus presenting nothing to communicate to your Girl friend about) I have one last suggestion, Focus on the positives, if she can put up with your worries shes probably feels the same for you as you do for her. Try to enjoy the relationship like the saying goes "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". If you can find any reason why this is happening. To me it suggests abandonment issues and i wouldn't want to delve into the possibilities of that so publicly. Talk to your Girl friend. let her know why you feel the way you do. and if you would like to talk about any of the above in a more private way then feel free to inbox me. I hope that helps Roshii
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A
female
reader, Celest  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 My dear friend... if you are obsessed with this, eventually it will come true.. you should relax. Tips? I dont really know what it might work for you, you know... first you have to try to fingure out why is it like this... does she something wrong to put you in this situation? For example does she lie to you?? or it is low self confidence, like you dont think that you deserve to be with someone like her??? Where does your fear come from?? Try to google some articles how to build trust in a relationship... but the real key to over come your fears is having faith!!! All my best!!!
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