A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Worried about relationship, stress and lack of intimacyWhen my bf and I met, he was very accepting and caring, and we spent a lot of time together. We were like a typical new couple.He had some hardships and illness in his family. I stepped in as a supportive girlfriend and have been helping him through really, really difficult times.Because of his family obligations (he is the oldest), he is often very stressed and working hard, and we haven't gone on dates in many many months. I accept this because I understand the difficulties he is facing. We live together, and we openly state how much we love and care for each other and support each other. Due to the stress he has been under, there has been no time for us, and the sex hasn't happened for a few months. He gets upset when I try and talk to him about it.I understand that with everything he is facing, he may not have the energy for a relationship. He says he doesn't want to neglect me, but he has his responsibilities for work and family. I understand. And while I realize he may need time for himself and to find out if he wants to be in a relationship, I still feel very worried and stressed and sad. I worry that he may not be attracted to me, and I worry that because he lives with me, he may see my requests to spend time together as just another stressor, and he may start seeing other women that are more fun and carefree.I am not sure how to feel. My bf is a great man, and he is generally honest with me (though he talked to someone else in the past--just talking, but that made me suspicious) and he cares for me like no one else. I just worry that he isn't as into me as he used to be. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everybody for their advice and support. I do realize that I tend to take things personally, and internalize a problem in our relationship (i.e., not making time for each other), as a problem with me, and I know that isn't always right.
A
female
reader, LallaZine  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 Please try not to worry. Firstly, I have to say that your bf is lucky to have such an understanding girlfriend. Some people react to difficult times very differently and it seems that maybe he is feeling a little withdrawn and has a lack of energy. But remember that the feelings he is having probably affect all aspects of his life so it is vital that you don't beat yourself up about it if he seems a little distant from you. It is nothing personal.
It is difficult when we care about someone who is feeling upset or has problems, not to take on their problems ourselves. You can help him by lifting his spirits. Maybe concentrate less on sex etc. and try to encourage him to do something carefree and relaxing, whether that is round at your place or maybe going to the movies etc. You know what he likes to do, so try that. You have nothing to lose.
The sex with probably come back into the relationship when he starts to fell less tense and stressed. 'Time is a healer as they say' lol so dont worry and it will work itself out.
Remember, dont take on his feelings. Dont feel bad if you can help it and stay optimistic. For your sake and his.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hi
I don't think so. I think that he loves you or he would have never said this, and I think that it is not easy for him to relax and enjoy. And, that is what I don't get. I mean, his stressing will not ease his problems in any which way whatsoever! How long have the two of you been together? Are you on good terms with his family? OR, have you just heard him talk of them? (don't worry if you haven't).
You know, no matter how mature the man, they are often times stupid and they need to be pointed the very obvious. I think that instead of asking him to romance you or even sex, try to draw him a nice hot bath, just make your place a nice cocoon of warmth, comfort and love for him to come and relax. Once he sees that there is little need for him to carry his stress over to your place, he will being to feel light and safe and protected and that will help your love life.
I understand the kind of a situation you are going through and it takes courage to not jump into hysterics over a man who hasn't been at all caring of your needs or the relationship!
Hope this works
Love :)
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