A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Torn between loving my boyfriend of 5 years and worried about his drinking habits becoming more of a problem -he seems to need at least two / three bottles of beer a day after work and if its a night out he has to get full drunk. I just have a few drinks and that does me. I guess i'm worried for a future with children involved. Anyone any similar stories or advice please. Is taking a few beers every night an addiction?
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 July 2009):
There are many different opinins on how much alcohol is too much and is it healthy or not at all.
I think the general concensus seems to agree that 1-3 drinks a day is 'acceptable', anymore then 3 drinks a day is considered 'binge drinking'. Professionals also often recommend that you have atleast 2 alcohol free days a week. So if hes drinking 3+ drinks per day, 7 days a week, then I'd say his drinking could be exstreme.
Whether or not you define your bf's drinking habits as an addiction or not is hard to say. I guess it depends on whether or not how he copes without alcohol. If you were to suggest to him to have an alcohol free day or an alchol free week, or a few days a week free of alchol, how would he react? If he would react badly and woudlnt be willing to give it a go, then that would be a concern. But if he gives it a go and has no troubles, then that probably just means he enjoys drinking and its not an addiction.
I do know how you feel. I am currently in a very similar situation. My bf drinks atleast 3 drinks a day (if not more) every single day of the week. On weekends he drinks excessively, 10-20 drinks per day. The whole time we have been in our relationship for, hes always had atleast 1 drink every day ive seen him. That worries me alot.
Im still trying to work out what to do about it. To my bf, his drinking is normal because hes grown up in a family with drinking habits like that. So he doesnt see the problem. Yet his drinking is putting alot of strain on our relationship. Whenever he drinks, he forgets things, he drives while drunk and he is really bad at it too. He becomes quite nasty, and insensitive. He has said sooo many hurtful things to me while drunk. And he just falls asleep during a conversation with me very often.
I wish i could tell you how to deal with it, but i cant because i myself am lost. I just want you to know you are not alone.
I guess though, my suggestion to you, would be to tell him how you feel and by judging his reaction, it will give you a more clear idea about whether or not this relationship is right for you and whether or not you should stay.
take care
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Some say that 7 drinks ( that would be a glass of wine/beer/shot) a WEEK is fine for a woman and 14 for a man is ok - but anything over is considered alcoholism.
I found this:
How much alcohol is safe?
Government guidelines advise that men should drink no more than 3-4 units per day and women should drink no more than 2-3 units per day and everyone should have at least 2 days each week when they don’t drink at all.
This advice replaces the old ’21 units a week for men and 14 units a week for women’ to try to encourage people to drink in moderation and therefore reduce the risks attached to binge drinking.
How many units are in common drinks?
1 standard bottle of alcopops is 1.5 units
1 bottle of wine (12%) is 9 units
1 average glass (12%) wine is 2.25 units
1 bottle of beer/lager (5%) is 1.7 units
1 pint of beer/lager (5%) is 2.9 units
1 standard pub measure spirits (35%) is 1.4 unit
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A
female
reader, sheriboo +, writes (30 July 2009):
If his drinking bothers you, then it's a problem. You need to figure out if this is a deal-breaker for you? If so, how many more years are you going to put into this relationship before walking away? If ever you decide to have children with this guy, how effective of a father will he be if he's drinking every night and is that something you want your children to see? There are plenty of men out there who drink socially & do not self-medicate every night. If it is an issue for you now you will only grow to resent the behavior later. Life is too short.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): A few beers each night won't do much harm - provided we're only talking 2 or 3 small bottles. It becomes an addiction when he can't do without it, and would perhaps open a can of beer rather than make a cup of tea at breakfast. Binge drinking on a night out and getting blind drunk every time is of even more concern, especially if it becomes a regular event, like once a week or more. It gets really serious when the addiction causes the person to have the shakes first thing in the morning, and the only thing that stops it is a good slug of booze.
I think most of us who are partial to the odd drop of booze, whether their particular tipple is beer, wine or spirit, overdo the maximum recommended daily units especially when at home rather than drinking measured quantities in the pub, but it's as well to know what the recommended maximum is. If you google drinkaware (I think) you should be able to find out.
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A
female
reader, LallaZine +, writes (30 July 2009):
 A few beers every night is not an addiction - for now. But it is quite a bit and I can understand that you are worried becausse too much of anything is not good and you are obviously worried that it can amount to more and more as time goes on.
When he is sober and you tell him that you don't like the fact that he is drinking too much - how does he react? I think when they acknowledge that they are drinking a bit too much that is good but if they don't even realise, it can be worrying. My boyfriend who is a Muslim and therefore a hypocrite lol, has a drink problem but lies and hides it. He tells me that he stopped two years ago, but I know that's not true. We live in different countries so our long distance reltaionship can be strained due to his moods but we are planning a future together kids etc. What's worse is that he is a people pleaser and likes to fit in with his mates.
How about your boyfriend? Does he drink a lot to fit in with people? It might be that the problem is who is hangs about with. You should try to talk to him or even get his attention by choosing to do more together like having nights out together, maybe he could wine and dine you (less of the wine of course lol). Nip it in the bud if it is concerning you, but obviously in a tactless way that isn't going to offend him.
Good luck with everything and let me know if you have any more concerns
xx
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