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Forbidden love - I'm in love with a Muslim but my parents won't accept it! Help!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2009) 12 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2011)
A female age 30-35, *rincessa writes:

hi

well im a mess at the moment.

im in love with a Muslim man and i am christian,

we have been with each other for 2 years and still my dad does not know.

we come from a very religious family and everything is about respect,

my dad asked me once and he told me that if i was lying and if he found out that it was true that he would kill me or himself so that he never has to hear anyone say that my daughter is with a Muslim.

my mum knows and i was speaking to her yesterday and she told me that she would not support me or help me because she could never see me with a muslim.

i have no support from my parents but i love him so much and i cant see myself without him,

and he isnt a muslim like what people think he is actually very very decent. I dont know what to do and i know 56798654569/74% my dad will never accept,

and i dont want to have to choose between the love of my life and my parents.

any opinions

thankyou

View related questions: christian, muslim

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A female reader, Princess-Lou  United Kingdom +, writes (22 March 2011):

Princess-Lou  agony auntDarling , as a half Turkish girl I'm torn between two religions Islam and judaism. it's so difficult.

And my husband's family still have issues with us being together. He is a roman catholic from Milan. And his parents won't even see our baby who is now 4.

At the end of the day my sweet it's them who are losing out at seeing their gorgeous grand son.

Times have changed and religion is no barrier to us

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

First, forgive me for bad writing, I do not know the English language

Secondly, I can not say that you choose the young man or your father

Because this is already against Islam

But I know that the forces of love that the solution to your marriage and Islam Ismahlk retain Dink

I know that my answer is simple, but Adhiryiny I write with great difficulty

MODERATOR NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT GIVE OUT EMAIL ADDRESSES.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

You have a really hard decision to make, but realize that most people fall deeply in love several times in their life. If you end the present relationship, the chances are good that you will find a wonderful christian boy that you love deeply. Your parents will also be overjoyed and proud of you.

Alternatively you could leave your parents, which will devastate them. Your Muslim BF may have similar problems with his parents because you are christian. Your lives and potential marriage will always be under strain without family support, and may not stand the pressure.

Good luck whatever you choose. Life is tough.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

You are between the ages of 18 and 21. A legal adult.

What your parents want or believe is no longer binding. What matters now is how happy you feel.

Do you and this man feel happy together? If yes. Then your way ahead is clear.

I'm not saying abandon your family, but you have spread your wngs and make your own flight someday. If your parents trully care about you, they'll seek you out and will allow reconciliation to happen on your terms.

They may not have to like your relationship, but if you live in a free society then they damn well have to respect it.

Flynn 24

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009):

Be careful. Muslim man can not live with just 1 women for long.

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A female reader, Love is all you need United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2009):

Love is all you need agony auntYou could try making them understand he is your whole life and your nothing without him, make them understand you love him and they should support you and if they can't accept you love a muslim then their not accepting a part of you. Try inviting him round for dinner and as a last resort run away together.

hope this helped...xxx

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2009):

Starlights agony auntParents being traditional as they are can be very rigid in their approach.

Even my mother didnt want me to marry my husband becoz he wasnt from the same race as me (although we're all muslim)

i went ahead and married him anyway, because to me, ultimately if your doing the right thing by God it cannot be wrong.

you cant please your parents by marrying him, but if they love you they will eventually come round.

if they dont its a conditional love from their part and its their loss.

its a really tough call but you dont get anything wonderful in life without taking risks.

all the greatest people who achieved their successes had to sacrifice vast amount to get what they wanted, in this case you must to if thats what you want.

Good luck!

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A female reader, LallaZine United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2009):

LallaZine agony auntI am a Muslim, I mix with people from all background, religions etc. Here in the UK, in certain parts there is still an ignorance but where I live in London the mixture is so great that people more or less have to integrate in some way at work etc.

Your parents either need to be educated more about this guy and his family, or you need to make a big decision. It is unfair that due to your parent's attitude you would have to 'choose' . It is difficult, but you do not want to sacrifice your family for this guy unless you are 100% sure that he is the one for you.

Due to the religion, it would normally be all or nothing. This guy would expect you to marry him and settle down and obviously would not want to have to continue with secrecy etc. It is a difficult situation but as your dad feels so strongly about it, I understand that it puts more pressure on you. Hopefully you will choose the right path, what is best for you and your family inchaa allah.

Take care and all the best of luck. Contact me if you want more advice

LallaZineMeryem

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009):

tell your boyfriend how your parents have reacted, and say that you want to be with him but your parents will never accept it. Remember everything is not a fairytale and you can't run away from everything. who can't you live without?

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A male reader, heartbrokendunowhattodo New Zealand +, writes (30 July 2009):

I think you should investigate islam thoroughly, I think you'll find that islam and christianity have alot in common, muslims even believe in Jesus.

They come from the same roots, islam is a continuation of judaism and christianity.

I think if you can understand islam, in your own mind, you can then speak to your parents, in terms of muslims beliefs etc, and maybe they'll realise they belive very simialarly.. maybe your parents have the wrong impression of muslims, and what they believe in because so much negative and false things are portrayed in the media.

Its a really difficult situation that your in, trust me I know from experiance,if its true love you have for your bf and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then put in the work to make it happen.

it wont be easy, and there alot of work to be done... but not impossible.

let me know how you go.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009):

well as a muslim man

i am concerned about the future of your relation and the if they were kids..

you can continue as freinds but if there were marriage and childrend cultural diffrences well hardly intoxicate the relation between every one here

it is said the a fish and abird can fall inlove..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009):

Sometimes life isn't what we want it to be. The disillusionment you will find in making your decision will be what builds you to accept reality not for what we wish it to be, but accept it for what it actually is.

You will have to make a choice, and you will be without one or the other. The question is, are you ready to live without your parents ever speaking to you again?

Because if you leave him, he might still want to speak to you; but if you choose him, your parents will not let you back into their lives.

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