A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We have an 8 month old daughter. We have always fought verbally but now its getting worse. He hits me and chokes me and throws things at me. And he says the reason he does it is because I am insecure and jealous and hes sick of it. And I always say well if you showed you cared about me then I wouldnt be insecure. If he treated me like a boyfriend treats his girlfriend, then I wouldn't always be upset. I need advice about what to do. How do I stop being insecure and jealous? I know I dont deserve to be hit and choked but all i want to know is what to do about me! He just said last night after a fight that he wants me to be his best friend and girlfriend. He wants a "chill" girl.
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best friend, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2010):
You're not the problem though. He is. No wonder you're insecure. He's hitting you. Any girl would feel insecure. You need to get out. You don't want to be another number on a sheet of women who have been killed by their partners.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 January 2010):
Oh how convenient for him.
It's all your fault is it?
When some one makes the choice to hit their girlfriend it is ONLY EVER their OWN choice.
You don't do anything. He just wants to hit you.
So what to do about you?
Well you can stay until he puts you in hospital or kills you and then your child will go into foster care and grow up to have serious problems, take drugs and all the rest. She will also know that when your bloke hits you, it's pretty much normal. That's what dad used to do and mum stayed.
OR
You can leave him, and go it alone, and bring up a secure healthy child who knows that when a man hits you, you leave. Any man who can act like that, does not love you at all. All they love is control and power.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): So you want him to behave like a boyfriend and when you bring this up, he gets angry and ends up choking and hitting you.....what are you doing?! You need to leave him and find somewhere to live where you and your child arent at risk from this bully. Stop worrying about him and start thinking about your little girl!
Shes a child, she shouldnt have to see and hear you two fighting and know you are getting hurt. It must be terrible for the poor little mite. If you raise your daughter watching her mum being knocked about because you are too weak to leave him, before you know it you will be responsible for her being beaten up by her boyfriends because thats how she was brought up. Is that really what you want? Pack your bags and go, then work on your insecurity issues once you are safely away from him x
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A
female
reader, LallaZine +, writes (27 January 2010):
 No, I'm sorry but he really doesn't deserve you and do you know what? I think he knows it. Maybe he is the insecure one, that would explain alot. Please dont start thinking it is your fault or that you are the one who needs to change. This guy has issues. His nasty behaviour has become a habit and unfortunately until something changes, it will get worse.
I understand that as you have a daughter together, it makes it difficult to just end the relationship. But you need to think about your daughter..you dont want her to witness his bad behaviour towards you and you certainly would want better for her, so as she will be learning by your example, you will need to set a good one.
I'm not going to tell you to leave him, becuase you are your own person and you can make decisions on your own.
But I know from personal experience (my dad was violent and my mum left him when I was just over a year old, so I grew up safe and happy) You have the power to change your daughter's future. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for her. Life is too short for you to allow this guy to tell you how to be, what to do, to point out what he wants you think are your 'faults' when in fact he is the one who needs help and has faults.
I wish you and your daughter all the best of luck and I hope that you will keep in touch with what happens, also Im here if you need further advice.
x
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 Well if he wants you to be his friend he needs to start treating you like his friend, and last I checked, people did not tend to stay friendly with people who treat them the way yout boyfriend is.
Wether you are insecure and jealous is really a mute point. It is no excuse for him to treat you like this.
Honestly, I think you are better off getting out of this relationship. It started with yelling, now hitting, where is it going to end?
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