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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 26 December 2010: Sounds like you are doing the best you can given the situation. Be honest and hopefully he'll realize you are serious and come around. Best wishes.... (read in full...)
What are the signs you are getting over someone?
Q. Hello all, How do you know when you are getting over someone? what are the signs? I feel I am geting over my abusive and controlling ex applying he no contact rule but somehow don;t want to , even though he was bad for me. We had great sex, and I...
A. 23 December 2010: I think you don't really get over someone, especially if you had a strong connection with them.
However, time does help and when / if you find someone new, I think you'll have better memories that will replace the old ones.
What is impor... (read in full...)
My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. How do I forgive him?
Q. My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. I just found about it 2 months ago. He paid her $200.00 for sex in a motel room. (Isn't that protitution?) I also found recepits where he bought her jewelry three different times. ...
A. 23 December 2010: I think it's going to take some time for this to resolve itself. It's only been about two months so things are still going to be pretty raw.
First off, you have to assure yourself that your husband has indeed quit visiting this stripper.
Sec... (read in full...)
He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 22 December 2010: Interesting. Have you tried seducing him-- wearing something that turns him on? You may have to work at it a little to get him motivated. Is it possible he doesn't find you attractive anymore?
In fact, from your follow-up, he just sounds a... (read in full...)
Is it ok for me to date my ex's brother?
Q. I was involved with someone for about 1 1/2 years. I was very much in love with him, but it turns out that he did not feel the same. He lied to me, betrayed me, caused me great financial stress, suffered an emotional breakdown that landed me in ...
A. 22 December 2010: Yes you could date him, but at the same time you are opening yourself up to an interesting set of issues: 1) Are you potentially doing this for revenge (and vica versa) 2) You'll have to deal with your ex a lot more often than if you found... (read in full...)
He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 21 December 2010: Wow, this is one of the first times that I've heard a woman complaining about a man not wanting to make love. Interesting too see the answers you get versus the ones you'd get if the sexes were reversed. Either way, from the way you write your q... (read in full...)
I don't want to give up on this, I want to work through it. But what now?
Q. I have lived a heterosexual life and just came out of the closet a few years ago, not knowing I was even in. My experience so far has been quite challenging. I have a question but not sure if it's just the relationship I'm in or if it's me. I've...
A. 21 December 2010: I am trying to find the attraction here. It sounds like you guys have a bond, but there really isn't anything in common that is binding you together. Your sex life, from the sounds of it, sounds unfulfilling, she is a hippy type and you are ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive this?
Q. I've been with my partner for over two years but four mths ago,I discovered he'd been having cybersex with strangers,including on webcam and swapping intimate photos.I've tried to keep the relationship going,with the beginnings of therapy,he got rid ...
A. 21 December 2010: My first instinct was to ask if your sex life was okay and from the sounds of it, there is no lacking in that department on his end. Usually guys go for the webcam sex stuff if they aren't getting it at home.
Note: his sex drive *could* ... (read in full...)
I'm really questioning my feelings for him but I don't want my children to loose another dad.....
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for 2yrs and have recently moved in together since doing this he has changed, he goes out drinking all the time, spending my money as he doesnt work, and im starting to really recent him freeloading of me, he is ...
A. 21 December 2010: Well, I think you know the answer to this one, but are looking for validation.
It sounds like this guy is taking advantage of you. In addition, he is setting a poor example to your children. Your kids watched their first father behave in this ... (read in full...)
He just won't make the appointment to get us checked after his infidelity. How can I pursuade him without feeling like a bully?
Q. Hello Cupiders, My question is this... I have been with my husband for 5 years, about 1.5 married. In this time he has gotten unprotected oral sex with 8 random men. I have been very worried about STI's, and have told him that. I know all t...
A. 21 December 2010: From your reply / follow-up, it sounds like your sleeping in the bed that you made yourself. I'll be on honest, lurking around on craigslist for sexual contacts is a great way to pick up an STD and I suspect there is more than oral sex going on. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is trying to bring my confidence down
Q. I have another serious question. my boyfriend of 4 years has been trying to bring my confidence down. i've been told I am very pretty, have a nice body, and great lips. I am 5'3" 132 lbs. I should feel confident of myself but I dnt. My boyfriend ...
A. 21 December 2010: Wait a second, you spent 4 years with a guy who doesn't think your pretty, puts you down and tells you no other man would want you? There's something wrong here... Why would you subject yourself to this sort of treatment, by a guy who doesn't ... (read in full...)
I asked my husband to leave, he left without putting up a fight. why?
Q. i have been married for 7 years and known my husband since i was 15 years old. i am 31 years old now. we had a lot of trust issues before we got married. we went through marriage counseling before we married. we had a beautiful wedding. i knew when ...
A. 21 December 2010: There could be lots of reasons of why he left without fighting. He could've already knew it was coming and had a pre-planned place to stay. He may have been tired of fighting as well and figured what was the use and move on. Either way, if you ... (read in full...)
Is my married friend trying to get closer to me without realizing it?
Q. I work with a married couple. I am friends with both of them. I email with the husband frequently about guys I like, men and their behaviors, and sometimes other things going on in the office. I do not talk to him on the phone or outside of the ...
A. 21 December 2010: Sounds like he simply did a nice gesture in the spirit of the season. I'd tread cautiously here, as these type of situations do have a tendency to suddenly turn into more than an acquaintanceship. I'd certainly keep things in perspective and keep ... (read in full...)
He just won't make the appointment to get us checked after his infidelity. How can I pursuade him without feeling like a bully?
Q. Hello Cupiders, My question is this... I have been with my husband for 5 years, about 1.5 married. In this time he has gotten unprotected oral sex with 8 random men. I have been very worried about STI's, and have told him that. I know all t...
A. 21 December 2010: Until he gets checked, I suggest sticking with protective measures when you have sex.
It sounds like your husband is bi-sexual, perhaps even gay. I think the more important question you need to be asking yourself is if this is what you want to ... (read in full...)
What can I do to get him to stop 'sexting' other females?
Q. Hi. I am 45 years old and am dating a man age 46. He bartends on the side and know many woman. I do go into his phone every now and then and find evidence of him texting and receiving texts from females some of which are dirty (sexting) and ...
A. 21 December 2010: Wow, 3 years you've invested into this guy? Your best bet is to perhaps find a new gig. I know for me it would be tough seeing an "ex" every day at work.
If he continues to call after you've told him not to, you may have a legitimate claim of... (read in full...)
What can I do to get him to stop 'sexting' other females?
Q. Hi. I am 45 years old and am dating a man age 46. He bartends on the side and know many woman. I do go into his phone every now and then and find evidence of him texting and receiving texts from females some of which are dirty (sexting) and ...
A. 21 December 2010: I agree with the other answers. This guy has repeatedly shown a total lack of respect for you. I think you are largely fooling yourself into thinking that you have a serious relationship with this guy.
Before you go any further, you should a... (read in full...)
Help her to deal with my past...
Q. Hello! I'm new here and looking for some advice. To start, let me fill you in on my past. I am a 23 year old female living in the south. I grew up around a lot of drugs and sex was glorified in my family. I didn't really have any rules at all and ...
A. 21 December 2010: I think counseling is the way to go with this one. We've all done things in our past that we aren't proud of. Time and allowing ourselves to make mistakes (and learn from them) is part of life and growing up.
If counseling isn't an option, ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's trying to use me until he finds someone he's more interested in?
Q. Can someone please help me figure out what this guy is trying to do with me? So I met this guy about 5 months ago... Been talking mostly on text and instant messenger. Even though, I cancelled our first date, we went out once and had a great ti...
A. 20 December 2010: It definitely sounds like he is giving you mixed messages and you have a right to be confused. I am not sure what game he is playing (almost sounds like he is married) but it is almost guaranteed not to be successful in finding a mate.
If I ... (read in full...)
"Now that all your money's gone and you have no job and no home I can't use you any more!!!!! "
Q. I'm really struggling with this, need help bad !!!!! im thinking of revenge all the time on my ex fiancee i feel im gonna end up in prison i kid you not !!!!! 16 months of my life she took off me, she got everything she asked for off me money, gifts ...
A. 20 December 2010: I feel for you. Everyone has been taken for a ride by someone at one point or another. It sounds like you played the role of protector / provider. Most successful relationships both people are equal and you aren't supporting one another and you ... (read in full...)
Could a relationship and sex with a much younger man be a good experience for me?
Q. I am 42 and I have only been attracting younger men lately. The youngest recently was 24. I told him that’s way too young for me (only 6 years older than my oldest son) but he keeps trying to tell me why it could work between us. Not buying it. He ...
A. 20 December 2010: I think it could work. 24 is pretty young, however, some 24 year olds are more mature than others. You should probably take it fairly slow to see if you both want the same things. If you are looking to settle down and he is looking for a roll in ... (read in full...)
Almost 8 years together and STILL no marriage proposal!
Q. I'm stuck in a rut. I've been with the same guy for almost a eight years now. I love him more than anything. He's my best friend. He loves me just as much. I know that he loves me, not ONLY from what he says, but the lovely things he does fo...
A. 20 December 2010: You stuck it out 8 years with a guy with no marriage proposal? Sorry to see this happen to you, but it does. May I honestly suggest reading "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. I thing you'll find your ... (read in full...)
Where did my beautiful loving wife go?
Q. My wife and I have 3 boys and have been married for 8 years. This year just after our anniversary my wife began an affair. She had become increasingly distant, and I finally asked her what was going on after 6 weeks without intimacy. She flatly told ...
A. 20 December 2010: I definitely agree with the other posters. It sounds almost like your wife is going through a mid life crisis of sorts. From taking her mom's valium and hooking up with young guys. It sort of sounds like one of you needs to pull the trigger on ... (read in full...)
Could the issue be deeper than it appears?
Q. Of late my wife seems to have lost interest in sex and in me in general - sorta nonchalant, and indifferent. We've had relationship issues these past years, but I'm beginning to suspect if she's approaching menopause. It's been on my mind for some...
A. 18 December 2010: I am willing to bet this is the start of menopause. As women approach their late 40's / early 50's their bodies begin a substantial change. From the sounds of it, loss of sex drive and being dry down there is the beginnings.
She should probably... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much now that we're married?
Q. I met my wife online and we had a great relationship in the beginning. She was NEVER in a long term relationship before me but I never thought that to be a problem until we started having problems. I was previously married and have 4 kids. While we ...
A. 18 December 2010: Hate to break it to you, but having a kid usually kills ones sex life. It takes work on both sides to make sure it doesn't slack off, like yours apparently has.
You may want to investigate going on a date again. Take her out some place nice or ... (read in full...)
He didn't want to have sex while we were together but now he does?
Q. I am enganged to the love of my life. We've only been together for 4 months but everything is perfect, except for one thing and we've just had an upset convo about it. He suffers from depression and low self esteem and although we are close sexually ...
A. 17 December 2010: Sounds like you guys have some things to work on, especially communication issues when it comes to sex. It may have taken him a little time to get used to having intercourse, especially since the last time he had it, it resulted in an unintended ... (read in full...)
I'm 20 years old and I've never been on a date...can someone give me advice?
Q. Ok. I'm 20 years, and I never have been on a date. Not even just for hanging out. My whole life I have been a nerd and I often was not seen as very attractive by most people growing up. I didn't date in high school cause all the girls seemed ...
A. 19 September 2009: I was a late bloomer date-wise too.
If I were you, I'd certainly hang out with other girls are likely to be. Strike up conversations and keep things casual. If girls sense you are desperate, they'll be frightened off.
It is important to beg... (read in full...)
No sex in my marriage and I'm very disillusioned
Q. I'm sorry to be so negative ,but I;m getting very disillusioned,,,, My husband stopped having sex with me few years ago, and I can do what ever I want ,but he won't even look at me. I look fine, I have no problems with my look. So he is turning ...
A. 1 September 2009: Usually it's the opposite situation that occurs. Perhaps your husband has a low testesterone level or perhaps he is depressed. If it concerns him, he really should have it checked out. Also, he should consider exercising... it increases blood ... (read in full...)
He says he's not in the mood and then watches porn all night
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now and all was great until the past few months. Suddenly he seems very uninterested in me sexually. It makes me feel unattractive and not like a woman at all, I've tried everything from ...
A. 1 September 2009: Usually guys use porn when their wives / girlfriends don't want sex. I agree with the anonymous male reader who suggested watching it with him, but instead, try the phrase "You ready for the real thing?" Also, be sure that sex is something en... (read in full...)
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