A
female
age
41-50,
*otherof3143
writes:i have been married for 7 years and known my husband since i was 15 years old. i am 31 years old now. we had a lot of trust issues before we got married. we went through marriage counseling before we married. we had a beautiful wedding. i knew when we first meet that i was going to be with him for the rest of my life, i thought i found my soul mate, but he has lied to me so many times, cheated on me, he has even hit me. we have 3 kids together, 3 beautiful boys. i just made him leave and he did not even hesitate. i have made him leave a few times in the past, and he has always refused. he has a anger issue, hits his fist on walls, yells at me, never listens to my feeling, makes me feel like its my fault, so i can not put myself through this hell anymore. i want to be happy again. wondering why he did not get mad or even try to plea with me to stay and work things out? i think i know why, what's your opinion?
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cheated on me, soulmate, want to be happy, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, motherof3143 +, writes (21 December 2010):
motherof3143 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for your advice people. this info is most helpful to me. it's always good to see others thoughts and opinion, makes you see the light at the end of the tunnel. i must be strong through this i know for my myself and my children. i don't hate my husband and he can be there for his kids anytime he wants. it just really hurts when the man you loved has hurt you so many times. i have to be strong, cause i feel into a deep depression some time ago and i felt hopeless. i thank god so much for getting me out of that dark hole i was in. i have been always strong in my life considering all the abuse and pain i suffered in my childhood. i love my boys and i want them to grow up to be strong, caring, and loving people. i know it's typical for women to always take the guy back but i just can't this time. i need to find myself again and be the best mom i can to my children. they need a strong mommy. thanks so much for your advice again. it's very comforting that others care and that i am not alone in this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Maybe he simply respects your decision? Perhaps he realises what he has been doing to you? I don't know but the fact you are bothered shows that you really want him to come back so you can feel 'loved' again. You cannot test a relationship like this. Ask yourself and be honest as to why you really asked him to go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): The fact that you had counseling even before you got married indicates that your relationship was rocky. Your husband has indeed done you a favour, I wouldn't be concerned that he walked away without making a fuss. You need to recognise that the two of you cannot build a strong, secure, loving bond that your children deserve so they can grow up into well balanced adults. People can often forget the children in these circumstances, and giving your children a secure, happy home is the best gift you can give them. So work on getting over things. Have a good working relationship with your husband for access to the kids. And draw a line on the marriage. You have spent most of your adult life with this man and you can now try to build a new future.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
To be honest, I'm glad he did leave. I think you'd suffered enough at the hands of this guy.
I suspect that there's yet another woman somewhere that he may have gone to. No man who truly loves his wife would leave without at least putting some sort of fight up. He didn't, which means there is someone else, or he's playing a game and is just waiting for you to call and beg like the post at the bottoms says.
You won't ever be happy with this guy. Worse still, your children will start to act like him or resent you for keeping him around. Him moving out is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Please, please get some counselling, some legal advice and just get away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Either he has another woman to run to, or he's doing this as a manipulation thing.
it's really beside the point. The point is he is abusive to you and you need to get rid of him and now you have. Good for you. Now stop looking back and second guessing.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 But you askf him to, were'nt you serious? If you asked him 'to come back' and he doesnt hesitatd,were you stil gonna question that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I bet you think there's another woman or something.
Perhaps he finally did the right thing, something you couldn't find the strength to do and just end your poisonous relationship.
What's more important is why you want to know. You asked him to leave but is this going to be another time when you let him come back? You see he'll always be this way and if he was to change it would take years of not being with you. He has to move on with his life if he wants to get past these issues you have, the question is whether you will be able to stick to that.
He could be playing the "I've been away for a few months, I've changed, I swear" card. But no one changes that quickly, really it takes years OP.
The most important question you should be asking is not why, but how can you move on and make sure he doesn't come back into relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 December 2010):
 There could be lots of reasons of why he left without fighting. He could've already knew it was coming and had a pre-planned place to stay. He may have been tired of fighting as well and figured what was the use and move on. Either way, if you throw your husband out of the house, it's generally a bad sign and sort of says (at least to him) that "we are done and I don't feel like working it out"
Not sure what is going on in your marriage, but it doesn't sound good. I think you should see a counselor. You may have had a beautiful wedding in the past but it certainly sounds like something is horribly wrong today.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You're stuck in a vicious co-dependent abusive cycle and now you're stunned that he broke it (although temporarily, I'm sure). You should be relieved and happy and looking forward. Alas, I believe this is temporary, part of his control where he'll disappear and you'll end up frantically calling/looking for him. Then back to the cycle you go.
Think of your sons. The way they see your husband treat you will affect how they treat their future wives. Be a strong woman and DO NOT let him back into your life. Divorce him, get counseling and build yourself back up.
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