A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I work with a married couple. I am friends with both of them. I email with the husband frequently about guys I like, men and their behaviors, and sometimes other things going on in the office. I do not talk to him on the phone or outside of the office in any way shape or form. There has never been any touching, flirting, etc... He is not the cheating type. I only see him as a friend because I am not attracted to him, even though he is a good guy. I have no idea how their marriage is now because they had a preemie and it died last year. She does complain about him though because he is a bit controlling and really wants her to get pregnant. He has never spoken to me about his marriage or anything personal. I am the one who has spoken to him about my love life. There is no sign that he is attracted to me, although he always has a poker face so he is hard to read. He is not a touchy feely person, nor does he express much emotion in public towards anyone, including his wife.The other day he did a nice gesture for me. One of our customers sent us a gift basket with stuff in it because we are both part of a team that services this customer. I was out on a sales call and he saved some of the stuff for me and put it on my desk. He is not the type of man that does nice things like that for anyone. The desture made me feel uncomfortable because it does not seem right to me. No one else from our team thought to do that for me.I remember one time, in front of his wife, he told me to buy a particular video game for my child so that he and my son could play together. I found it a little strange that he said that, but since he did it in front of the wife, I didn't really dwell on it too much.I am now scared that perhaps there is more there on his side than I ever realized. I have never flirted with him in any way, shape or form or lead him on at all. I do not understand this behavior that came out of the blue. If this is the case, it is hitting me like a ton of bricks because I was not expecting it nor did I see it coming.Is it possible that perhaps, he himself is not realizing what he is doing? Why would he do something like that for someone who is not his wife? Talking to him about it is not an option. Should I totally back off from him and only talk to him about work related stuff? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he is married and if he is attracted to me emotionally I don't want any part of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): you are reading too much into it
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Sounds like he simply did a nice gesture in the spirit of the season. I'd tread cautiously here, as these type of situations do have a tendency to suddenly turn into more than an acquaintanceship. I'd certainly keep things in perspective and keep it professional and try not to overreact or overthink simple, kind gestures. But the details of his marriage (from either his wife or him) should probably be limited.
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A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 He isn't the one whose behavior needs to change - it's you who is acting inappropriately.
What you said is that while he has never discussed his personal life with you, you took it upon yourself to discuss your love life with him.
He split some swag with you.
That's customary and normal, and I'm sorry your other fellow employees are such cretins that they don't realize this.
The bit about the game?
Doesn't set off any alarms, and I could speculate on various innocuous contexts.
Remember that guys NEVER stop liking toys, they just increase in complexity and expense along with our budgets.
I can see myself in a store with an acquaintance (gender irrelevant) and rooting for the toy I'd most like to have, whether or not I'd ever seen the kid.
Like I said - speculation.
The only thing we know for sure is that you discussed personal stuff with him, he did not do the same, and he behaved ethically with respect to the basket.
You do the math.
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