A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for 2yrs and have recently moved in together since doing this he has changed, he goes out drinking all the time, spending my money as he doesnt work, and im starting to really recent him freeloading of me, he is a nice guy, when he is sober. but i think he has an alcohol problem, i have tried talking to him and told him that it was me and the children (none of which are his but i know he loves dearly)or drink, and i thought it had work but suspect he was just sneaking out, i dont trust him anymore and and feel like im being taken for a fool. im really questioning my feeling for him but i dont want my children to loose another dad, as i have had some really bad relationships in the past, im also scared because of the relationships ive had that he may become violent like my ex did when he was drunk. i dont know what to do? and its tearing me apart, i want to do what is best for my children, they really love him but i dont know wheater my anger is masking my feeling for him or if there are any ther any more.please help
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drunk, money, moved in, my ex, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You were right to make him chose between the drink and you. Your family do not deserve another man in their lives that has a problem. Better him gone swiftly than it descend into something you fear. They would be better off with no Dad than with a sponger with a drink problem. Your children may love him, but they don't see in him what you see, because of your history with men. And you are wise to be wary. Spell out your concerns to him and if you feel that he is not trust worthy you will need to end it. You obviously and rightly are putting your kids at the heart of your decision, and if they have a happy Mum then they will be OK.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Well, I think you know the answer to this one, but are looking for validation.
It sounds like this guy is taking advantage of you. In addition, he is setting a poor example to your children. Your kids watched their first father behave in this manner and now you've invited a 2nd one into your house. You need to set the record straight that this type of relationship is unhealthy and not good.
I'd begin by asking myself these questions:
1) Why do I keep choosing these types of men
2) Why did I tolerate his behavior as long as I have
3) What's keeping you in this relationship
In short, give this guy an ultimatum: quit the booze and find a job or move on.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Your bf sounds like a dangerous anomaly in your children's lives with the drinking and not working. Does he spend time with your children? Does he tell them he loves them? Is he doing everything a Dad should be doing?
I personally would leave him for now until he can get rid of his drinking problem and get some help. It's not doing your children any good being exposed to someone who drinks all of the time and doesn't work at all? Do you want them to be raised around that? I was in the same boat before I met my current bf. You and your children deserve better than that and I don't think you are wrong for questioning your feelings. He isn't supporting you or your children in any way.
If you leave him until he gets help then let your kids (depending on age) know that their "Daddy" has a problem, you can decide whether to tell them alcohol or not, and needs to go away for a while to get some help. Put him on probation (if you want to stay with him).
If you leave him (which I would) and move on, don't move in with your new guy until your relationship is really serious and he has shown you some committment (getting engaged) and your children committment as well. A man has to earn the title of Dad. It's not just handed out.
Good luck sweetie. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
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A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 I was never a drunk, but at one time in my life I did consume an amount most people would consider alarming.
When my 1st daughter was born, I lost interest in getting drunk.
No AA - no drama - just a radical priority shift.
That's normal behavior.
If he's not working and boozing it up or being otherwise unavailable, he's not a father anyway.
If you do split with him, try not to rush into the arms of the next guy that seems likable.
Alone doesn't mean lonely.
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