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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'm sorry to be so negative ,but I;m getting very disillusioned,,,, My husband stopped having sex with me few years ago, and I can do what ever I want ,but he won't even look at me. I look fine, I have no problems with my look. So he is turning to be a very different man, I used to know. He does have E.D. But we don;t know the cause,as it is not from medical reasons, as he went to doctors. So i wonder what is going on. BUt my opinion, he is not very motivated to make changes. I think , It is not right, because I live in a weird place, where I don't know what is going on.From my opinion, there are 2 kind of middle age man , one who is horny and running after other woman ,and never can be trusted and trying to be young again ,looking for their old love etc, and the other who has some problem ,with ED or emotions, and just turns grumpy and sick, or just very honest but not really a man with their wife.See I have seen this too much, and now I think ,life works that way, .I'm so sorry ,if there is many good man out there , who stays very loving at the whole time, but it seems to be the way how things works right now. Tell me what you think?I'm planning to be a man free woman now, as I feel disillusioned. PLease help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Try to force him a bit, take him for a vacation, where everything is very calm ,and no stress. Try to very sexy, but no pressure.
If nothing happens, I think you should file divorce , because things like that can get really nasty after 10 years. No sex marriage is dead .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I agree, its,the luck of motivation.. If he would care ,he would do anything to make this work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Lazy, unmotivated, selfish men!
Great marriages and sex don't just happen, you have to make them a priority. Obviously it is not important to this man, or the other two posters. Sex can actually get better as you get to know someone through the years and you can explore sex on a spiritual level...but that's probably too much work for the men that posted here...they would probably rather watch a video in the dark and wack their own wee-wees LOL
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Usually it's the opposite situation that occurs. Perhaps your husband has a low testesterone level or perhaps he is depressed. If it concerns him, he really should have it checked out. Also, he should consider exercising... it increases blood flow and helps with confidence and overall health.It could be that your sex life / relationship has gone stale as well. A marriage counselor can help you reinvigorate it. Also, he may harbor a resentment against you, has cheated (or is cheating on you), or has a condition that a doctor has yet to determine.Often married men and women have different sex drives, so it can be challenging, especially when one partner lacks in pleasing the other. Either way, it's up to you on what you need to satisfy yourself, but it sounds like the biggest problem is the lack of motivation from your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Oh, another cause of ED in middle aged men, alchoholism.
Does he drink several drinks every day or is a weekend drunk?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I agree, it is killing sex to see the same woman for 20 years. Its sorry ,but true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): What I think is that you have accepted a sexless marriage far too long. Why isn't your husband taking medicaton for his ED?
Are you absolutely sure it is not for physical reaons....here are a few that can contribute:
High blood pressure
Poor circulation due to blocked arteries, has he had a stress test
Low testosterone levels has he had his hormones checked through blood work?
Smoking cigarettes
Being over weight
Lack of excercise
Stress and depression, has he been checked for depression, there is medication that can help him
Have you tried marital counseling?
If all this has been done, you don't have to tolerate this type of marriage, you have choices, you can choose to leave and go on your own.
And no there are not two types of middle aged men, people are people and they are more complicated than that, but very often the solutions to these problems are the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I am a man married for about 15 years. Tell you what, it is now a burden to have sex with my wife, specially when I am required to take the initiative also. It is nature of man, I guess. And I read somewhere, that sexual drive increases when you have sex with more than one woman (girlfriend, keep etc). So a one women man has more chances of ED or going grumpy too soon. Its a bitter irony but that is mostly it, I guess.
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