A
female
age
41-50,
*OODYGIRL
writes:For the past 6 years, my husband and i are in a long distance relationship. My son who is 6 years old (he left a month before he was born) and i visit him twice yearly for a total of 10 weeks. Initially when he left, i would cry all the time and get very depress because of how much i miss him. After 6 years, I couldnt care less. The problem is I think I am growing out of love with him. There is somebody else and i like him. Do you think the distance ruined our relationship?
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 Then you have to talk to him about it again, tell him its not getting any better for you, that you need his love and attention if you are to survive. Maybe his position is such that he can't spare the time or the energy to give you what you need because he is struggling himself. I don't know, but I know I see that with my own husband. Sometimes I get so fed up and angry (like tonight) when he comes in, barely speaks and then falls asleep. Other times I understand it is because he is working so hard - 7 days a week - and I know he doesn't want to be doing that himself he just has a staff problem. Its not easy, I know, and when everything in my life is ok I can cope with it, but sometimes I need time, attention and support and its tough, and at the moment I am feeling very vulnerable. I have to say, thats when I usually turn to my own friends for support, but at the moment so many people seem to have such serious problems its difficult to speak to them - thats why we have this site I guess. Anyway, all I can say is communicate. If that doesn't work, try to see a counsellor or someone who can help you talk through the situatiom amd find an answer that suits you. Happy New Year to you. Make it the year you do whats right for you. I am. God Bless.
A
female
reader, MOODYGIRL +, writes (30 December 2008):
MOODYGIRL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Deema.
My Husband came across an email sent to me by the other person. He became furious forcing me to admit a few things (not details, just surface level). He cried and confessed how much he loves me. This made me feel very guilty as if i am doing something really bad. I think he's in denial, as he has not approached the subject since. Things are business as usual where he is concerned, while i feel stifled and im dying inside.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (30 December 2008):
Hi honey. Its very difficult being in a relationship where you don't get to see the other person very often. You have to work very hard at keeping things going and keeping the interest there, and if its one sided thats harder still because what have you got to try hard for? My own husband works very long hours, mostly 7 days a week and we get very little time together. Its fine when everything is fine, but when theres a problem its very difficult and I can end up feeling very alone. However, he is very kind and understanding and likes to talk, so we do manage to get things sorted eventually. Of coruse, if you aren't feeling you're getting anything from the relationship and someone comes along who is offering you those things - love, kindness, support, etc, it is natural towant to take those - who wouldn't. But I think you'd feel a whole lot better if you spoke to your husband first and told him how hard you are finding this. Give him an opportunity to come up with the goods first. Spell out your needs - and then if he doesn't come up with what you need then I think you have a right to consider other options, but I would advise you to speak to him first. You will feel a whole lot better knowing you've done everything you can to try to put things right rather than jumping ship and then feeling guilty. Good luck.
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