A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been together with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. we have 2 children, 1 from a previous relationship. in the first years of our relationship he suggested a threesome so i tried it, part of me enjoyed it part of me didnt, i used to dread it comming to the so called party weekends when it wud happen, always with the same person as well. in the last couple of years these party weekends have dropped of thank god and i haven't participated for over a year. the problem i have got now is that my husband is a lot less interested in nmaking love, the only thing that gets him going is, talking about threesomes again or thinking were going to have them. its everytime we make love he has to mention them. other than this he is always too tired, i am just not sure on his feelings animore or why it has come to this i am so confused as what to do please help with some advice
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 So he gets aroused if there is another man, but not another woman. I have bad feelings about it. Maybe it's only me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou to all your responses, i will be thinking of these and weighing everything up. the third party was another male, nothing sexual between them two though happened it was just the thrill of me with two men. it just used to leave me feeling so confused that i have made exuses not to do one since over a year ago thankyou for all your replies
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): You got some excellent advice from Dear Jilly above.He obviously needs a big thrill to get excited about having sex with you. It sounds like his sex drive is waning in his older years and he desires sex with you less. That is to be expected as you and your partner age, however, the threesome piece tells a different story.You mentioned that you stopped participating in the threesomes. Did he? Perhaps he is still getting his rocks off with the other third.You need to do a lot of quiet self reflecting and ask your self if you should separate and find someone else, as hard as it may be. You aren't getting any younger and his behaviour indicates that he is already tired of you and would move on in a heart beat if the opportunity presented itself. Don't get caught short.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 June 2010):
Was the threesome with another woman, or with another man? Sorry to ask this question. But I don't need an answer, really. If it was with another man, then he's a closet gay. If it was with another woman, then he wants someone else in his bed, not you. Sorry to be this blunt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): If you need other people, porn, threesomes to initiate love making..then may be you guys have reached the end of your journey. Fantasy is one thing, role play is great, but when a man and woman have to watch porn ( which basically is NOT love making) it's just copulation in the most basic terms, may be it's time to think about being with a man who loves you, who is turned on by you - YES, he still appreciates another female form, as you will the male form, but the real guts of lovemaking, is between just you and him, where neither of you need porn.
Gosh if this is what it means to remain with one person for life, to have sex, means threesomes and porn are needed, then personally I would opt for less time with someone, but where it was built on mutual respect, care, LOVE and passion, not something that has become nothing more than you can find on any online casual sex dating site. It's not the length of time together that is the measure of worth, but the quality, warmth, love and passion shared that makes it worthwhile.
People don't always remain in love, people do emotionally out grow each other, and physically too. To force the relationship past what is naturally there, is not only almost impossible, but highly unlikely, as you can never get back those first heady days of passion.
Unfortunately you went ahead in the first place, and whether it was to please your husband or not, it has produced a situation where sexually he is unlikely to want to go back, or be satisfied with to one-to-one love making, as this most certainly is just about sex, and not about the exchanges of love between you.
You deserve better, so don't ever do something sexually or otherwise to please a man - you are not a commodity, nor a porn actress or hooker.
I really hope you can resolve this, as this must make you feel dreadful..so sorry!
Jilly x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Ok, I have never really been in a situation like this but I can try.. If thats all that can please him then thats his problem. You try by wearing a sexy outfit or if the kids are not home just jump him if thats what it takes to make him want you without thinking about a threesum. Just do something to make him forget about that crap.. If you have to take a trip to love stuff or a place like it..
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (28 June 2010):
 If you read your words they tell how you really felt about this whole thing. You say part of you enjoyed the 3somes, but yet you dreaded the whole thing - so you never enjoyed it at all, you were just going along with your husband. Thats fact No. 1. You don't want to do that any more, so don't put yourself through it. If thats not acceptable to him, then tough, move on. There's nothing wrong with fantasy, a lot of people need that to boost things especially in a long term relationship. Maybe you could use other visual stimulants such as porn etc that stay between you two rather than straying into areas youre not ahppy about. Main thing you need to do is communicate. Talk to him about the way you feel. Tell him you feel unhappy, insecure about what he wants. That way you'll find out what is really behind his lack of interest - and it could be anything - but unless you ask you won't find out. Then ask him what you could do to spice things up a bit without outsiders. We all try to second guess when the easiest thing is just to ask. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You could( i suppose) buy an inflatable thied party(yuck( or you could file for divorce.
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