A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am having terrible rows with my partner. We have got to the stage where we row about everything. He is a really nice man with children from previous relationships and in the main is fair and decent. Try as I might I don't like the fact that he already has children. Begrudgingly and only to keep me happy we tried for our own child but this didn't work out. We have separate homes and run back to our own houses when we row. The venom and vitriol in our dealing with each other is way out of hand. It is like WW3 with no barriers. He has his children most weekends and because the child's mother was horrible to me I won't come if the child is there. This is causing terrible ructions because when the child has gone the weekend is near enough over and I feel my weekend has been wasted. I am also under a lot of pressure at work and financial pressure so am on a tight fuse. My partner has said that his children are not going to go away and that if I want a life with him I have to accept things and get on with it which I know of course is true, but I am finding it incredibly hard. I am getting to the stage where I am avoiding any contact with the man. He in turn has turned cold towards me and is clearly unhappy and miserable at my behaviour. I am not sure what it is here that pushes my buttons but the closer he gets to me the more I tend to push him away. I knew him all through my marriage as a friend and he was very supportive when I got divorced and when we got together but now I just feel annoyed by him all the time. Any views on what to do would be helpfully received.
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Hi. Well I think you've been very hurt before and have a wall round you for a start. Thats going to take time and effort to break down, and he doesn't necessarily sound like the man who's going to be able to do that - he has enough commitment with the kids already. I think you're pushing him away when you want really to get closer to him - pnly know that one cus its what I do myself. And don't forget also you are choosing to stay away when the kids are there so you can't say he is wasting your weekend, you're doing that yourself.
Listen to your words - the closer he get to me the more I push him away - like I said, you're scared of him penetrating the wall, I think the kids are just another excuse to push him away. You already know they are a fact that won't go away. Why not try letting your guard down, opening your heart, and allowing him to love you in the best way he can and you may be pleasantly surprised. You may actually find yourself enjoying his company, his love, his love and even his children. (Good note to myself there :)))). I may just listen. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 November 2009):
It sounds like as much as you might like him or love him, he's just not boyfriend material for you.
I know I wouldn't go out with a man who could never spend a weekend with me. I know what children mean so I just avoid them.
He may be lovely so it is probably better to cut your losses now and save the friendship than let the bitterness creep in and mean you end up hating each other.
Good Luck!! xx
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