A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been married for close to 12 years with 3 lovely girls. My husband is an orphan,he had nothing when we got married, i worked so hard to build our marriage, 3 years ago he started behaving funny, between 2006 and late last year he had slept with 4 women including my best friend who is also married in our matrimonial home, then he had orals all kinds with 5 others, i had suffered a lot from emotional to loss of all kind, i lost a pregnancy that almost claimed my life, i was involved in an accident , fire gutted out house, all these were traced to one of his mistress who happened to be a widow and wanted desperately to move in and bear him a boy, late last year he travelled out of town to go and sleep with yet another married woman telling me that he was going on a business trip, when he came back he confessed all to me, even though he begged me and he seems to calm down for some time, now he is coming back late again telling me that it is work, i know that i had forgiven him but from time to time,i am tormented about everything and i feel like moving out, i don't know what to do? can i ever find happiness again in life in this marriage? please help me
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 Oh dear, what a sad story. I have to be blunt here, there's no gentle way to say it 'Get out, and get out fast'. He only continues to hurt you, and he will never change. If it's not you he's doing it to it will be someone else. You are worth so much more. You don't deserve this. Life is too short. Get out there and taste the real fruits that are waiting for you. Yiou'll get all the help and support you need - thats the way the universe works - but not until you make the move. You've got through all this stuff, the rest will be easy compared to that. God bless you love.
A
female
reader, tjazzy +, writes (13 November 2009):
Baby love - I don't know which religion you subscribe to, but I'm sure you do not want to die young of a deadly STD or AIDS. Your man is using his own hands to tear your marriage asunder. I would say that for your health's sake and for your children's sake you leave the man. But if there is any chance of redemption for him (and you will know better) then please pray for him everyday and also try to find out what his problem is. If the only problem is the girl child issue - then I think you better move out and move on with your life. The only problem is that until the man is dead, you can not remarry, pray hard about the issue and appraise your financial situation before deciding.
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A
female
reader, ma-an-na  +, writes (13 November 2009):
hi!
i think in your heart of hearts you already know the answer but you just need someone to confirm what you have been fearing.
am 19 and not married, but i know a problem when i see one. do you love yourself. that is what you have to ask yourself, not whether the relationship will work.
You are a remarkable woman to have stuck around for such a long time despite his unfaithfulness, but there is someone you are forgetting and that is yourself. No man should be in power of your soul and of your life. You've done all you can to save your marriage, but if he is starting to make a habit of skipping off, best you let him go. A cheating husband can never be a loving husband. there is something missing in his life that he cannot find with you or any of the woman he's been sleeping with. Until that gap is filled, you cannot trust him.
With all these illnesses out nowadays, you cannot allow him to sleep around and then hop into bed with you when he feels like it.
YOU are the boss here, you are the wife mother and u are exquisite and beautiful. You deserve so much better than this and he needs to realise that.
if u want my advice, i say ask for a divorce. When he sees you mean business and are not some plaything, he will have two choices- either he straighten up, or else you leave him. If he loves you, he'll fight for you. if not, then you be better off without him.
And DON'T let him put pressure on you using the girls. They are your children, but your life is so much more important. How will you raise them well if 50% of the time you are weeping over a guy like that. How can you teach them to be happy if inside you are miserable. How will they learn what love is if all they see about love are tears and lies....
Do you love yourself?
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