Like what
he writes?
... Add *herub to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *herub a private message | | | *herub's profile:My main reason for writing on this site is because I feel there are so much sadness in the world so helping someone when possible is the least I can do. I am no expert but do have life experiences and and work within mental health system for a while now.I live in UK and faces problems all my life and felt really useful talking to someone and sharing. |
|
Should my wife mourn me for the rest of her life or move on? I'm terminally ill.
Q. I don't know how to start, but I've been diagnosed with a 'potentialy terminal illness'. There is about a 50% chance I won't live more than a year. If I go into remission, then I guess we take it month by month from there on. We have 3 kids, alm...
A. 2 October 2008: Dear Sir
I am going to just share with you on your specific question. What you are doing is tying up loose ends in your life, ensuring especially your wife future well being which to me is an honourable, commendable human loving thing to do.
Of... (read in full...)
Why am I so tired? Is it depression?
Q. Hi, Lately i have been feeling so tired its not normal, all i can think about is sleep. When im awake i feel really down and dont enjoy any of the things i used to, mainly because i have no energy or no happy thoughts anymore. I went to have a b...
A. 1 September 2008: Hi It is definitely possible that you are having clinical depression. There are certain criteria that need to be fulfilled before diagnosis is made and treatment options discussed. 1)The symptoms you expressed are continuous for more than... (read in full...)
I'm so deeply hurt and desperately need some wise advice.
Q. Hi everyone, I would truly appreciate some advice/opinions on a really upsetting situation that I have recently found myself in. You won't believe the unbelievable piece of bad luck that I and my girlfriend just experienced... I'm 31, my girl...
A. 6 May 2008: It is a difficult dilemma for you and surely for your girlfriend as well. Firstly, is it really the obnoxious guy that bothers you or your view of what a fantastic lovely girl she is has been shattered by her one night stand with this unworthy guy ... (read in full...)
Am I with somebody who cant control their urges??
Q. Hi there folks. I've been seeing a girl now for nearly 4 months and I really like her. She's everything that I want in a girl, very affectionate, funny, attractive, etc. When we go out drinking though, I see her rubbernecking at blokes. Last wee...
A. 6 February 2007: Your girlfrined's description i.e attractive,funny and affectionate is exactly how i would describe a woman/lady I know and she is 50.Mind you she is beautiful and doesn't look a day over forty.Hopeless flirt like some of the aunty said.It feels ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfreind is going to dump me after valentines day! What should I do?
Q. It all started when my girlfriend started texting my mate telling him that she's dumped me and fancies him. And she asked him if he would go out with her. Now I think she fancies him and her mates told me that she's going to dump me after ...
A. 23 January 2007: There may be some truth in what your mate said or maybe not so the best thing to do is talk to your girlfriend first in an open,honest and mature manner.If she wants to moves on then let her moves on as she had already made her mind up.If your ... (read in full...)
I love my bf but...Is this older guy at work making a move on me?
Q. I am 17 and have been dating my boyfriend who is 2 years older than me for 7 months. I absolutely love him and don't see any other guy as possibly being right for me. However, there is a 21 year old guy I work with that flirts with me. The other ...
A. 20 January 2007: I am sure you love your bf but from your question there are gaps in how truly you love him.For example,the older guy is attractive and possible fantasy(my interpretation of fantasy is someone you aspired to be with usually a film star or someone of ... (read in full...)
After our discussion about my trust issues w/ her, she acts the same. Is it time to call it quits?
Q. Is it time to call it quits in the relationship when you have a lot of doubts/questions about your girlfriend? We've had talks about my feelings and 'trust issues' before. But, the same things seem to be happening over and over. Is it because I ...
A. 11 January 2007: It all depends on what are the trust issues.If it is to do with she goes out alone too often,flirts in front of you or anything like that and she knows of your feelings and showing no regards to it,and you know that you cannot change the way you ... (read in full...)
He slept w/ our maid for 10 months before I caught them! Counseling is not available in our area, so what can be done?
Q. i have been marriage for 18 years with four children.we are from the uk and have lived in thailand for the past two years,my hasband committed adultry with our live in thai maid for ten months before i caught them.she has gone and he said he was ...
A. 8 January 2007: Sorry to hear of your problem,firstly. Secondly with regards to whether you should go or stay,you have answered the question in a way as you said you still love him.
What happened caused you tremendous pain and he was extremely silly to do it.Mo... (read in full...)
My bad depressing 2006 is spilling over into 2007...
Q. hi all, im not sure where to start, i had a real bad year last year , so far this year is not too bad.. but i cant seem to keep my head high and a smile on my face, ive been depressed before but it doesnt feel the same..just wishing something good ...
A. 8 January 2007: Hi
Really empathise with how you are feeling.Although I cannot share your sadness,I do understand as I have worked in mental health for a long long time and seen many sufferers of depression and thankfully it is very treatable.
You mentioned... (read in full...)
I get bored easy in relationships. Is it just them or me?
Q. Hi, I've just gone 20 and had a few relationships but there's one thing that worries me. The thing is, the longest I've ever been in a relationship is a year. Around that time though I start to get bored. I'm not sure if it's the person or i...
A. 25 December 2006: I don't think anyone can second guess how you feel in a relationship,only you can.Like charmed4eva353 said it could be you are very young and wants to live a varied life now so that is fair enough provided you are honest with whoever you are with at ... (read in full...)
He wants me to be his girl but he loves to party to much! Any advice?
Q. hi, im female age 25, well my question or concern is i dont know what goes wrong every time i meet a guy they are only out for themselves. for example I started dating a guy he is 32 yrs old but he acts like he my age he like to party alot not too ...
A. 25 December 2006: Hi Lexie209
The long and short of it is this guy though fun and probably a great guy is not ready to change his way.If you can put up with the way he is treating you and wait then good luck to you.However if you cannot then you can talk to him a... (read in full...)
We split up and I'm going insane...I don't want to lose her! What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend and I split about a week ago. It has been incredibly hard for me. We've been talking for the past two days and I cannot tell if she's just being nice or if she still likes me. We met this afternoon to exchange X-mas presents. It was ...
A. 25 December 2006: It is always a tremendous wrench to lose someone.The way you felt I guessed both of you must have been together for some time. The question of why is this happening,the sadness,the fear of not finding another relationship like this one and the lost ... (read in full...)
Found out she instigated a kiss with a guy from work! Should I stay or go?
Q. i have recently found out that my girlfriend of five years kissed another man at her work.For the first four years of our relationship we were blissfully happy and got engaged.This past year i became controlling and emotionally bullied her, ...
A. 22 December 2006: It is complicated due to the fact that she was going through an emotional roller coaster at that time.As you said you were controlling and bullied her emotionally so it not that difficult to understand that she had seeked some form of reassurances ... (read in full...)
I confronted my wife about the affairs I found out about and she claims they're over - the last email was 4 days ago!
Q. My wife and I have been married 23 years. We have two daughters, one in college and one in third grade. I love her deeply, passionately, and openly. She is always saying how lucky she is to have me. I pay attention to her, I notice new clothes, ...
A. 15 December 2006: I cannot imagine what you had been through when you found out especially you have been a faithful,attentive and loving husband.If there is one thing you have learned from this is that she lies by virtue of saying she is lucky to have you and your ... (read in full...)
Was it a man talking in the background or a woman with a deep voice? Could she be cheating?
Q. As My Girlfiend Cheated On Me or am i being silly? last night my girlfriend planed a night out with some work friend's. she went out 9.30pm she was going to the night club down town. i agreed she could go i give her money 2 go. at 3am the nigh...
A. 10 December 2006: Just a short note to add to all the others answers. I have a very close friend who told me in all honesty(she is worldly wise about relationship issues)that attack is the best form of defense and lie,lie,lie and lie through your teeth unless the ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me twice then asked his friend to tell me, it was over! I still feel for him though and I want to know why he did this?
Q. About a month ago, I was 'dumped' by my 1 year boyfriend. He has told his friends he has cheated on me twice, and his friends told me. I am absolutely appauled. Even so, I still feel something for him. He has not spoken to me since the break-up...
A. 23 November 2006: Hi
First of all I don't think he is worth the footprint on the ground you walk on. He is callous,a coward,a cheat,immature and a total prat. Asking him what went wrong will only allow him to lie,gloat and may lower your self esteem more. He hasn'... (read in full...)
I think I have clinical depression...If I go to the doctor does my Mom need to know?
Q. I think I have clinical depression or something so I want to do something about it, and I was just wondering if I were to go to my doctor about it could she actually do something about it? Would they give me drugs, as I'm 16. Does my mum need to ...
A. 21 November 2006: Hello
Depression is quite a common problem and the good new is that it can be helped successfully especially with so many different treatments out there.Also positive signs are you realise there is a problem and want to seek help.
Has your symp... (read in full...)
He married to another but he is my soulmate! I'm giving up on all this..am I doing the right thing?
Q. Should I give up my soulmate? We met in 2005 at work, but developed a close relationship over the next few months. We understood each other completely, often times without even saying anything. We stood by each other through problems and though w...
A. 19 November 2006: Hello Zhang
Rhythmandblue2 has many good points in her reply but maybe not everything relating to you on a personal basis.
Just maybe you went into your marriage young without much experiences of others.Just maybe you were coerced into it ... (read in full...)
He won't commit to us because I'm an American....
Q. Hi. I am absolutely crushed right now and needing advice. The guy I am in love with says we cannot be together, even though he apparently "loves" me. Why? Because I'm an American. He's living in the UK, specifically England, and he has told...
A. 14 September 2006: Hi to a unique decent human being(no matter where you hail from).You sound like a mature,sensible,understanding,loving,also has her opinion sort of girl. He on the other hand seems just a tad immature,although probably a nice guy(otherwise why would ... (read in full...)
I think my mum is sleeping with my boyfriend!!!
Q. I need some serious advice, I think my Mum might be sleeping with my boyfriend! The other night, I went round to my Mum's and she answered the door in her dressing gown looking pretty flustered. I wanted some company, as my boyfriend was 'w...
A. 23 July 2006: Wow what a horrible really horrible situation you are in!!Your feeling must be in turmoil.shocked like you said,angry,hurt,frustrated,disgusted,anxious the whole gamut.You poor poor thing.The two persons you probably trusted most!I cannot feel how ... (read in full...)
What can I do, to make my parents trust me again?
Q. I have a really big problem with my parents and I want to get their trust back. I am 17 years old and have recently been going drinking in pubs, bars and clubs. I lied about it and they found out now they don't trust me anymore and don't believe a ...
A. 22 July 2006: Your feeling of hurt and upset nevertheless reflected that something is wrong.If you are aware and accept your action is wrong then only will you want to change them.Your parents I am sure felt just as bad if not worse mainly because they brought ... (read in full...)
My wife makes our family holidays a misery!
Q. Whenever our family go on holiday my wife seems determined to spoil it for everyone. Last year she spent two days looking very annoyed, then, blew up at me for something trivial (the entrance fee to a waxworks would you believe, it wasn't even as ...
A. 20 July 2006: Sorry to hear of your dilemma and I thought I was the only one who had this problem.There must be a support group for people suffering from this problem?To share a little of my tale,like you all my previous holidays with my family,I had to walked on ... (read in full...)
I don't believe my boyfriend when he says he isn't cheating
Q. I have a boyfriend and I think I love him.He says he loves me too.But I don't know if he is cheating on me because he hardly ever calls me and he is always getting text messages and calls on his cell phone from other girls.And he always talks about ...
A. 20 July 2006: Hello, from what you have written it showed the turmoil you are going through and I am sure a sick feeling in the stomach as well and not too mention questioning about whether he is cheating or not even before you go to bed.It is not easy for you.
... (read in full...)
Married and looking my best then i have in years, how to deal with all the extra attention from other woman?!
Q. Hi there. I'm a 33 year old married man. I have a beautiful wife whom I adore and 2 lovely children. For all the world we have a perfect life. I even feel like a bit of a hypocrit claiming i have a problem. You see.. I met my wife when we wer...
A. 16 July 2006: What you are experiencing is boosting your ego and there is nothing wrong with that.Every single soul in this world enjoys a little massaging of the ego every now and then.It is pleasant and flattering.However as long as you take it at that and not ... (read in full...)
I've been snooping on my wife's phone and found she's still in touch with her highschool sweetheart... Do I have the right to ask her to stop?
Q. I'm having trust issues with my wife. We have been together for six years and have been married for less than a year.I found out by checking her cell phone that she still communicates with a former lover who was also her high school sweetheart. When ...
A. 16 July 2006: You are absolutely correct in saying wives and for that matter husbands as well should not have secret friends.Trust can only be build upon when there is honesty.
She did not tell you maybe she knows you will be angry especially she thinks n... (read in full...)
In an abusive relationship and I feel stranded
Q. I am married and have only known my husband for 2 years. We have a 15 month old son together. We have separated once for six months because of abuse. But he is only on a peace bond as I told the courts I lied about the assaults although I hadn't. I ...
A. 12 July 2006: It is so sad to hear you feel that you cannot talk to anyone and feel stranded.It must be awful thinking there is nothing much you can do and facing all those threats.Listen to swimgirl126380 re;safe havens and the police.
He is acting like a n... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex and it didn't feel wrong, even though I love my current BF...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for two years but the other week I slept with my ex. My ex wants to give it another go and I was tempted but I realised how much I love my boyfriend and how I couldn't be without him. But when I'm with my ex it doesn't ...
A. 11 July 2006: Hi confused
So am I.You said you love your bf very much,from what wrote and reading between the lines you seem to love yourself much much more above anyone else including your bf.So,be honest and do the mature thing and tell him you are too free... (read in full...)
My wife is contacting an ex and I'm worried.
Q. My wife recently told me she's been in touch with an old boyfriend from many years ago. I think they met via an internet chat room by accident. She has confessed to meeting with him on two occasions for coffee, but insists nothing happened ...
A. 11 July 2006: Hi I am not trying to put more stress on you as you are already stressed out with change of job and now this,but you have to wake up a little.She showed you some texts and they seem innocent,well what about those she may have deleted? Same with ... (read in full...)
Even after 10 years, he wouldn't leave his wife, so I finished it...
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing John for ten years. It's a love affair. He's married; has been for forty years. They have problems, been married when they were 16 years old. I have always been there for him. I love him. It's wrong, I know. He is repon...
A. 6 July 2006: Hi
My answer is probably not the conventional one, anyway here it goes.
You have been with John for ten years,a love affair you said,so there must be something about him that fits your psyche and makes you happy when you are with him.It is in... (read in full...)
My husband says that I stare at people, but I am not sure!
Q. Everytime my husband and I go out he ends up getting mad at me because he says I stare. It embarasses him and he thinks that "I'm looking for something else." I would stop, but I don't even realize that I'm doing it. I love him dearly and don't ...
A. 10 June 2006: Hi
In many ways I can understand what your husband is saying,because of similar experiences I had with my girlfriend.Whenever we are out she nearly always seems to 'check out' other guys.Initially she said she is not aware of it,but latterly... (read in full...)
My wife is depressed and I don't think I can be supportive anymore.
Q. Sorry this is so long, but it is quite difficult to explain in just a few sentences. My wife has been going through depression for a long time now (over a year) and I don't know how to be supportive anymore. Days go by without us even talking bec...
A. 5 June 2006: Let me say firstly you are a gentleman,caring,honest,hard working and loving towards your children.I am of the same opinion that children come first.Sorry to hear of your own depression due to your wife's affair. You mentioned that her depress... (read in full...)
| *herub's friends
These are mutual friends, so *herub has
added them and they have added *herub!
|
