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male
age
51-59,
*allbloke
writes: Hi there folks. I've been seeing a girl now for nearly 4 months and I really like her. She's everything that I want in a girl, very affectionate, funny, attractive, etc.When we go out drinking though, I see her rubbernecking at blokes. Last weekend she was staring at a lad and said that she thought she knew him then she asked me if I knew who he was! She kept trying to grab a glance at him after. The thing is, when she's out with her mate, she'll more that look at men. She and her mate will talk to them and flirt. Another problem is that she admitted to me that she's fallen in love with blokes who weren't interested in a relationship with her and she's put her life on hold so to speak while she pursues them :( I don't like that one bit! Maybe she wants what she can't have.She also told me that she went for a ride with a biker whilst she was seeing someone else and from what she said it sounds like she was infactuated with him, yet didn't mind stringing the other poor sucker along.In short, I fear I may be with someone who can't control their urges. I mean, she's 38 and never lived with anyone, never been married, never been out with anyone for more than 8 months!I feel I'm letting myself in for a load of pain :(
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male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (7 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom some of the things she says, it sounds as if she's a closet tart. She won't have sex unless it means something yet she has said that she wishes she could just have sex with men without feeling bad. I feel that part of her does want to have uncomplicate sex with lots of men, to sew her wild oats, yet perhaps lots of girls do but never will!
I'll have to see if I can take a step back from this. If I can't then I'll have to leave. Maybe I should tell her how I feel about her & if she runs off then it was never meant! At the moment, I can't handle the thought of being dropped.
A
male
reader, cherub +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Your girlfrined's description i.e attractive,funny and affectionate is exactly how i would describe a woman/lady I know and she is 50.Mind you she is beautiful and doesn't look a day over forty.Hopeless flirt like some of the aunty said.It feels like she has a need to be desired and it will only get worse because when she gets older she would probably feel less attractive and the urge to justify her desirability will be stronger. She is not likely to change now,so,it is fairly plain to see you will be hurt. Maybe you could use this as a learning curve and enjoy the relationship as it is with no love attach.She obviously does. You did not mentioned love as well.If you cannot deal with it now you never will.The hurt may later on turn into hate and sour a pleasant friendship/relationship.Find someone else if you can't deal with it or tell her honestly that both of you are open to looking for other possible long term relationship.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (6 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing that has done my head in is that she's so affectionate, I mean she cuddles up to me all night long, she wants to have sex pretty much every time I see her. When we spend time together we get on great, she does make the effort by doing nice things like cooking meals every time I go over, we cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV. It feels like we're a proper couple.
When we're not together, I feel like she's not too bothered if she sees me, i.e. few texts, phone calls, invites. It seems to be me doing all the work then. One thing I should add to this is that she is a very polite person, doesn't like upsetting people or arguing.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (6 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing that has made it difficult to walk away is that she's so affectionate, I mean she cuddles up to me all night long, she wants to have sex pretty much every time I see her. When we spend time together we get on great, she does make the effort by doing nice things like cooking meals every time I go over, we cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV. It feels like we're a proper couple.
When we're not together, I feel like she's not too bothered if she sees me, i.e. few texts, phone calls, invites. It seems to be me doing all the work then. I'm feeling like I'm not enough & that she is keeping part of herself back or she's always looking on the other side of the fence which is not doing my self-confidence any good at all. One thing I should add to this is that she is a very polite person, doesn't like upsetting people or arguing.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (6 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing that has made it difficult to walk away is that she's so affectionate, I mean she cuddles up to me all night long, she wants to have sex pretty much every time I see her. When we spend time together we get on great, she does make the effort by doing nice things like cooking meals every time I go over, we cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV. It feels like we're a proper couple.
When we're not together, I feel like she's not too bothered if she sees me, i.e. few texts, phone calls, invites. It seems to be me doing all the work then. I'm feeling like I'm not enough & that she is keeping part of herself back or she's always looking on the other side of the fence which is not doing my self-confidence any good at all.
One thing I should add to this is that she is a very polite person, doesn't like upsetting people or arguing.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (6 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your support, it's much needed and appreciated.
The thing that has made it difficult to walk away is that she's so affectionate, I mean she cuddles up to me all night long, she wants to have sex pretty much every time I see her. When we spend time together we get on great, she does make an effort. It's just that I feel like I'm not enough & that she is keeping part of herself back or she's always looking on the other side of the fence. When we're not together, I feel like she's not too bothered, i.e. few texts, phone calls, invites. It seems to be me doing all the work then. It really is head wrecking :(
I sometimes feel like she deliberately tries to make me insecure too, She tells me she fancies loads of men on TV etc, which is pretty insensitive if she doesn't have any feelings. Perhaps the truth is that she likes me but that's all.
She did say that she was very indecisive. She feared making decisions for fear of how it would affect the rest of her life. I think here lies the problem!
I may well have to take the advice from the first reply.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Hi
Sorry the reason you want to be with this person is what?
She is showing all the signs that she will break your heart. Why would you put yourself through this, and want to carry on.
She might never be able to comit herself to you anyway.And how will you deal with that.
I have to say, I thought you were going to be one of those older guys who goes out with the young girl, then cant keep up with it. But at 38 surely she should have grown up a bit.
It doesn't sound like she cares for your feelings at all.
I dont ever say this, but i think you should finish with her, as i think your pain is clearly on the cards, if you put up with this.
Plenty more fish in the sea, and some not scared of being caught. XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): unless you have lots of rope it doesnt sound like your going to get this one to stay in a loving faithfull relationship for a long time.
keep her as a close friend, explain your fears and just say you dont think its going to work as a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): It does not look good to be honest. I think you should get out. There are women who are hopeless flirts and I would say that at 38 years old she must be one. It is sad because she will suddenly find herself alone and not able to know HOW to love a person.
Whatever the reason for her inability to connect, you need to preserve your faith in womankind. Break it of and tell her you want to see how you feel in three months because you don't think she is the settling kind and you want to find a stable partner. Then sit back and watch.
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