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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm having trust issues with my wife. We have been together for six years and have been married for less than a year.I found out by checking her cell phone that she still communicates with a former lover who was also her high school sweetheart. When confroted with this she downplayed it saying that they rarely talk and just catch up with each other. Time passed and I had noticed that she called him one day while driving home (this was figured out by seeing the itemized bill for her phone). I had asked her when the last that they had spoken. Her reply was that they had not talked since I took issue with (7mos.). I asked her to just be truthful to which she stood her ground. Then I showed her the evidence catching dead in a lie. My question is Do I have a right to not wanting her to talk to this man? Or should she sacrifice that relationship for the sake of ours.Another quick note is that after we married she told me that she spoke with him and cut it off and he understood why.Looking again in her phone I found his number in the address book but under a different name.Should I tell her I know or just let it go? I want to trust her but am having difficulty doing so because of her lies.Wives should't have secret friends. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, cherub +, writes (16 July 2006):
 You are absolutely correct in saying wives and for that matter husbands as well should not have secret friends.Trust can only be build upon when there is honesty.
She did not tell you maybe she knows you will be angry especially she thinks nothing will come off with her ex.Then again maybe she is hoping for something more.Both reasons seems wrong for you.The latter one definitely no good to you.The former reason I believe she should not entertain as well since she knows it will hurt you,so,why do something that can hurt soemone one loves?Hasn't anyone heard of small sacrifices?
People say that you should trust your partner and not snoop into her privacy.Hello,I sometimes think that statement is so contradicting that it is laughable.Just look at the statistic for infidelity and divorces.If you had not snooped she would still be continuing with her tryst and that may lead to other things and the fact that she lied as well.From my point of view,because you did what you did,at least is out in the open and is given a chance to mend what may be going a little wrong in your marriage,e.g complacency,no spontaneity,taken for granted.Then hopefully it can work out and trust will be rebuild through honesty.
If you don't sit her down and talk to her honestly and maturely then it will only eat at your trust and love for her more and your confidence and increase your self-doubt.Nothing can be resolved without two way communication.Talk to her about your feeling,pain and hurt and love for her and want to work at your marriage to make it a loving one.You don't have the right or need to ask her to stop,she is an adult and I certainly hope she WANTS to stop because she knows it upsets you.
Sincerely hope there is nothing to it and both of you will continue to have a wonderful marriage and lives.
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female
reader, lucee +, writes (16 July 2006):
wow this is a tricky one. your wife would be really hurt to find you've been looking through her phone as it is personal to her. however, you may also feel that you did the right thing to look. they must have been a trigger to make you want to 'snoop' through her phone. but i think the only thing you can do is confront your wife. sure she may become angry about your lack of trust. but this is the only way you can find out why she's been in touch with her childhood sweetheart. it could possibly be because there good friends. ask her why she didn't tell you about this friend. if there's nothing going on and they are just friends,then prove to her you are truly sorry for the lack of trust. if your wife goes out socialising with this friend, go along with her. if there's nothing to hide she will be glad you are showing an interest.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 She's obviously not being truthful and thats not good. If she was angry at you snooping and stuff, that'd be understandable but when she's lying about it and going all sneaky, then I think you definitely have a right to ask whats going on.
Unless she's being honest, the unertainty and stuff will always be there in the back of your mind which could lead you to resent her later.
Try get her to be truthful and tell her what you know. Hope things work out
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