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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. I am absolutely crushed right now and needing advice.The guy I am in love with says we cannot be together, even though he apparently "loves" me.Why? Because I'm an American.He's living in the UK, specifically England, and he has told me that although I'm currently studying in the UK and a relationship "would be great", he can't go through with it because his family and friends absolutely loathe the U.S. and everyone who hails from there.I've been to his house and met his family, and it does seem true. They were very icy towards me, regardless of how nice I was to them. I tried to be a very friendly, sweet and curteous guest in their home, and quite a few times throughout the night they made anti-American statements or jokes, which I tried to laugh off. Some of the jokes were funny and I laughed. But some of the things they said, in all seriousness, bothered me very much. Still, I kept my mouth shut and didn't want to offend, no matter how much they were offending me.I'm not one of those uber-patriotic "America can do no wrong, we are the best!" thinking types. I know America is hated by many because of our government and the war. But I didn't realize that people hated us so much, they would refuse to support their son's relationship with a "Stupid, fat, lazy, war loving Yank" as his uncle referred to Americans.I'm so heartbroken.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Just wanted to share this. I am an American and I dated a Muslim man from Iraq while I was living in Australia. (He immagrated from Iraq only 4 years ago and has family in Baghdad.) He was very good to me and never once bashed the US or our government. (We did have discussions, but never aggressive or hurtful)
Real men don't judge by nationality, religion or race. Sounds like you're making a good decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my. Just thought I'd add, I just had a little chat with this fellow and told him how much it hurt me that he just sat by and let his family say such mean things to me. He said something along the lines of:
"Come on, try to understand. You're American, would you date someone from Iraq, someone you're at war with?"
When I said yes he got angry and accused me of lying and just left in a huff. First of all, are the UK and US at war and I just wasn't aware of it? Oh please.
What an eye opener this experience has been.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,
Thanks for responding so quickly. I think you're all right. I do love him, but I have to face the fact that this relationship would probably be dysfunctional at best.
I'm just so confused. I've known him for ages. He's in America often, I'm in England often, so we see eachother quite a lot. And he's never mentioned his family acting like this before.
I guess I was just surprised because up until now, my experiences in England have been so positive. Even after realizing I'm American, everyone I've met has been so friendly and welcoming. I guess I'm just not used to this.
Oh, well. Once I'm ready to move on, there are plenty of decent English guys to choose from eh? ;)
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male
reader, cherub +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Hi to a unique decent human being(no matter where you hail from).You sound like a mature,sensible,understanding,loving,also has her opinion sort of girl. He on the other hand seems just a tad immature,although probably a nice guy(otherwise why would you fall in love with him)who may thinks he is in love but not the real meaning of truly in love.He is young and is unsure of voicing his own feeling against anti-americans sentiments sprouting from his family.It seems easy to say if he loves you then he should stands up for you but in reality when you are not mature enough then it is quite difficult to challenge your elders and possibly heroes.I am sure they love him but with restrictions and conditions i.e he cannot love someone whom they don't like,well that is selfish because they should be happy for him as he has someone like you loving him.If it doesn't work out(perish the thought)then they should be there to support him without judgement.
He probably loves you for who you are as a person and when he grows up a bit will realise he truly love you and protect you from narrow minded ignorant people.Heard of the saying love conquers all?You love him and who to tell you otherwise and to find someone you feel right and want to be with is wonderful and the pathway to union is exhilarating.So if you want him enough then I would suggest continue with your unconditional love for him,eventually he will see what a bright star you are and truly love you and stand up for you if his family is icy towards you.Possibility is that you will probably win over his family as well.However,if you feel you cannot do this then you should move on now or maybe set a time limit then evaluate whether he can truly love you.Best wishes.
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reader, Roopz +, writes (14 September 2006):
Shocking,
Im English but I would never tolerate this sort of treatment no matter what. In all honesty, the person's family will ALWAYS play a prominant role in a relationship. Trust me, there will always be narrow minded people that will hate a type of person be it nationality, race etc..... its just some of sort of excuse to vent their anger.
Although you could say "hey what the hell, its my life.." and ignore it it will eventually cut deep and hurt. My advice to you is to save yourself pain and avoid this one Im afraid. I echo the above person's views!
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reader, Abacadaba  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 to be honest, thats VERY shallow, not only of his family, but of him, to allow it to happen, now, im English, and that just makes me annoyed at my fellow countrymen. I know if i went to America (or any other country) and got that sort of stuff thrown at me i wouldnt want to go back, but i guess if you really do like him, you could try sort it, prehaps if you go there again and they are like that, you should just say, hey, what do you think you are doing? im no different to any of you, just because im American doesnt mean you can treat me like this, i know it might be a hard thing to do, but seriously, would you rather have your dignity than take abuse? and it might even make them think, hey we have been right idiots to her. But a relationship with a family like that, it wont be easy.
Best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): If he is prepared to let his family and friends dictate who he marries then he's a loser. Try to forget this wimp. If he loved you, he'd do what he wanted and be with you. Totally spineless. By the way... I'm English. ;-)
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Personally, I think that is totally classless as I am also an American. Why would he even bring you there knowing how his family felt about Americans? This is a lack of consideration on his part. Why would you want to be with him, because thats HIS family and of course I'm sure he shares some of their views. Besides, if he is his own man he would be able to make that decision on his own without any outside influences from his family or otherwise. If you choose to pursure this than I suggest you prepare yourself for a long ride in the UK because his family won't make it easy and it seems he is not willing to protect you from their ridicule. I say leave now and keep the self-respect you have or stay and let this situation break you down. "USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA..."
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