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I'm a 20 something lady. In a long term LDR, bisexual but monogamous, very liberal teacher. Actually in the US.
My qualifications include my personal experiences and the many experiences of the diverse group of people I am surrounded with.
Every now and then I will post questions, in need of serious advice, so please bear with me and take good care of me, everyone. |
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Is it really wrong to pay for sex
Q. I have reading the many posts on dearcupid from men who are contemplating paying for sex. I see that most people are against it, like it is the lowest a guy can go. I am at the lowest point in my life now and it will only get worse. I have Marfan ...
A. 14 September 2016: Consider dating/hookup apps or websites if you really feel it's necessary. It's maybe a bit safer than a prostitute and it's also free. Plus you get the chance to get to know someone before you get to that step. Put yourself out there in as many ... (read in full...)
I love her and don't want to leave her. What to do about her insecurity over her body since pregnancy?
Q. I'm a married man with two children. My wife is an excellent mother however our relationship hasn't been going too well for a long time. Our problem is our sex life. Ever since my wife had our second child she has not really been wanting to be in...
A. 5 September 2015: Help her feel sexy. If you have the finances, treat her to some self-care items or things like lingerie. Compliment her frequently (sincerely, and don't overdo it). As a female, I have this problem even though I haven't been pregnant, but stres... (read in full...)
Does he prefer older women, or did I mess it up?
Q. Hello, I found this man I worked with really attractive, he's really nice and fun and we get along great! I have known him for a few years now and consider him a good friend. My friends always tease me and say what a great couple we would make, an...
A. 3 September 2015: Well, there's nothing that says he's interested in a relationship with you or even that he had been at one point. Flirting doesn't mean much. So that, combined with the fact that he is interested in another woman, I think you should let it go.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't know that I seen a text he sent to a friend where they were discussing a 3 way!
Q. Hi, Me and my partner was in bed and he was texting his friends in a group chat on 'WhatsApp', I glanced over (we've all done it) and his friend said "I think I was in love" to which my boyfriend said "Yeah, I think you was" (this is about their ni...
A. 3 September 2015: You've seen the evidence, so confront him. Otherwise you'll just be sitting around with a man that you know you don't trust anymore and be angry at him.
It's definitely not appropriate that he said that, even if he didn't go through with having a... (read in full...)
Why did he encourage me to move all this way and bring all my things with me, but now he wants me to leave? What can I do? I feel stuck and penniless.
Q. am so confused, I need some good opinions. So, I have been with my now xboyfriend for over two years. I am from SC and him PA. We have moved back and forth together for awhile but it never works out from bad luck and the fact that we break up all ...
A. 3 September 2015: I can't really give you financial advice, but as Honeypie said, it's about control. This needs to be over after this because someone who loves you wouldn't put you in this situation. You have a child and can't risk putting yourself in this situation ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and he's 15
Q. Hi, I have a pretty big dilemma right now and I don't know what to do! I recently met this boy through some volunteer work I do, we got on really well in the group setting and had fun together, it started pretty casual but I could feel the flirting...
A. 2 September 2015: "In your shoes" person again. I forgot to add that some advice that someone gave me that I should have listened to is that it's easy to find people "mature" when you aren't comparing it too much else. When compared to a 15 year old who is bouncing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's best female friend doesn't want to be friends with me!
Q. Hi guys, I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we are great, but I have a question I'd love your opinion on. In around 2007 my boyfriend dated someone for just shy of 2 years, for names' sake let's call her Heidi. My boyfri...
A. 17 February 2015: I second what WiseOwlE has said, although I wouldn't have put it so harshly, haha. His tough love approach may be what you need to hear though.
I was in a similar situation once. My boyfriend's ex had been his friend since grade school, and she ... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend gets distracted when we are skyping!
Q. What do I do about my constantly distracted long distance boyfriend? I've mentioned to him before how I hate that often when we're Skyping or on the phone, he'll get distracted for significant amounts of time browsing the internet, chatting with ...
A. 15 February 2015: We're long distance because of college. I'm finishing up and he started late so he has a while to go. We met online though and we're going on our 3rd year. There's no surefire plan for the future since he probably won't be living off campus for at ... (read in full...)
How do I approach my crush from six years ago?
Q. When I was at school, over 6 years ago there was this girl that I was friends with. However, she was bisexual but leaned towards girls. I really liked her and we flirted a lot during school and outside of school. We never were anything more. We ...
A. 14 February 2015: It's up to you whether you want to take the chance on this. If you do, just start by messaging her on social media and seeing what she's been up to. Just say she came across your mind at some point and you had been wondering how things were going ... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend gets distracted when we are skyping!
Q. What do I do about my constantly distracted long distance boyfriend? I've mentioned to him before how I hate that often when we're Skyping or on the phone, he'll get distracted for significant amounts of time browsing the internet, chatting with ...
A. 14 February 2015: Thanks a lot for your response, like I see it.
He lives a seven hour drive away and we see each other 2 or 3 times a year since we're usually busy, but yes, calling is primarily how we manage our relationship.... (read in full...)
How do I back off in a LDR? How can I encourage him to chase me?
Q. I am the female, 23, and lately boyfriend, 21, has been acting distant. We've been together for a year. He would text me good morning beautiful and all those things but for the past couple of weeks or so, they are nonexistent. Whenever we te...
A. 31 January 2015: You're not overreacting. Communication is a huge part of a LDR and if he doesn't want to talk to you and is speaking so harshly to you, that's not a good sign. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend complains that I don't see her but I have to work!
Q. Me and my gf been going out for 2 years. We have struggled with money but now have finally found jobs. I am not happy with my job however I want to make the most of it. I work Monday to Friday 7.30-5.30 am And second job is Monday t...
A. 15 November 2014: Yes, the fact that you think spending time with her is babysitting speaks volumes about you. If you don't want to properly maintain your relationship and give her what she needs then you need to let her find someone that will. My boyfriend and I ... (read in full...)
I have the hots for the amazingly hot baby sitter
Q. I have an amazingly hot baby sitter, she is new to my family, just me and my daughter, but I have known her sister for while now. How do I find out if she has any interest? I wont lie I would love to see her in more ways than just my baby sitter. I ...
A. 15 November 2014: You are eventually her employer. Can you imagine how she feels about you because of that's? She is there to work and take care of a child so it is very unlikely that she sees you as a man. If you make a move on her you will definitely scare her off ... (read in full...)
2 guys..neither situation is right. What should I do?
Q. Dear Dr. Cupid i have a problem i like this guy i think hes cute, but theres some one else who i love truly we used to date the cute one asked me out but i didnt think we were right for each other. The one i love still likes me but just wants to...
A. 15 November 2014: Let him go if he's not interested in you. You never know, you may end up falling for the cute guy.
As far as I see it, the guy you love isn't even an option and you are already aware of this so don't waste anymore of your time hanging on.... (read in full...)
How can he take a chance on love with me?
Q. ok my head is starting to be blagged , theres this guy i met and we are friends he likes me as a friend id like it to be more hes called me special and sends really flirty texts to me and even said thats what he would say to a girlfriend and not a ...
A. 15 November 2014: He will date you if and when he's ready and interested. It's your call on whether you want to wait for him to be ready or if you want to explore your other options and find someone else to pursue. If you think he's opening up, you should wait and ... (read in full...)
Tips for my coworker to admit he likes me?
Q. I have this guy that I work with and I am pretty sure that there's a good chance that he likes me. I see him on some weekends and I'm seeing him this weekend too at work but I want him to admit that he likes me. I don't know if this is possible ...
A. 15 November 2014: The only thing I can think of is saying it straight forward. Asking. That is the only way you're guaranteed to get some kind of answer. Playing games can lead to misunderstandings. You can't seem to read him now, so any secret tips will only give ... (read in full...)
Two weeks ago my husband joined a gym, and now he has no energy left for intimacy. What can I do?
Q. Just a quick one really... My husband and I have been together for a good 4-5 years and we have always had a good sex life (3-5 times a week) up till about two weeks ago when he joined a gym. I'm all up for him going and getting fit feeling bett...
A. 15 November 2014: Step one is to communicate your feelings directly. Not in the form of a question, but in the firm of a statement. Tell him that you are craving intimacy and that you have been feeling neglected since he has started putting all of his energy into ... (read in full...)
Do I believe him or not? My older married lover says he'll leave his wife when I finish college.
Q. My older, married lover tells me he will eventually leave his wife once I finish college. He has brought up the idea of having a baby together recently. Does this mean he is serious about our relationship and would having his baby be a good choice? ...
A. 15 November 2014: He won't. If he thought you were worth divorcing his wife, he would do it without wasting time staying with her. He's saying what he needs to to keep you on a leash. When you finish college, I'm 100% sure that he will find more reasons to make you ... (read in full...)
When a guy friend looks intensely at you while talking to his girlfriend...
Q. So there's this guy-friend I've had in a group of friends, not super close or anything, but I've noticed they way he acts around me has changed recently. HE seems to be more cautious and I feel his eyes are always on me. The one thing I want to ...
A. 12 November 2014: To be blunt, it sounds like you're making something out of nothing. His looks could mean anything, and he might not even be looking at you as often as you think he is, or any more often than he looks at others. You only notice when he looks at you. ... (read in full...)
My friend tells me she's in love with me!
Q. I've met this woman and we have became really close friends and she says she loves me like her husband.but not in a sexual way but now I've fallen in love with her and I told her she said it's ok I decided to end our friendship she broke down in ...
A. 12 November 2014: My only advice then is to distance yourself. If she leaves her husband for you, which at this point is very unlikely, it would cause chaos within your family. You can still be her friend but the affair has to stop before things become messy. The ... (read in full...)
Do I keep this online LDR going or ...
Q. So there's this boy.. And it's probably funny to people how we met, but it was unexpected to happen the way things did. We actually, met over Xbox! and it started w/ us just Playing a game together and we added each other then always played ...
A. 12 November 2014: Hello. I'm currently in a long distance so I have experience with this subject. When I was 17 and in a long distance relationship, I felt the same as you guys do most likely. I felt in love and very willing to have a future with my boyfrien... (read in full...)
Why does my ex randomly email every few months?
Q. My ex boyfriend will randomly email about every few months or so and has done so for about four years. If this four years we only dated about 5 months. We kept getting back together off and on, but I would be faced with the same issues that I left ...
A. 11 November 2014: If you don't want to maintain contact with him, tell him or block him if you feel that is safer. There are tons of reasons why he could be emailing you, but I don't think its too important to worry yourself about that.... (read in full...)
I really care for this girl but unsure if she sees me as just as friend or more?
Q. I met this girl six months ago when I got a new job. In this job all the staff lived together in a house, so for the past six months I've been living with her. About two months ago I realised that I am in love with her. Before this I thought I was ...
A. 11 November 2014: I think it's safe to pursue her but be sure that she doesn't have a long distance relationship going on with the other girl or anyone else first. Allow her to make the first move, but I think it would be okay to arrange to see her if she lives close ... (read in full...)
Too many questions. are these games she's playing?
Q. So I'm in a thing not quite sure what to clarify it as with a bisexual girl. We both just got out of a relationship her ex cheated on her and mine cheated on me. We went on a few dates and what was weird for me was we didn't have sex or even kiss ...
A. 11 November 2014: If she says she is not your girlfriend, she is not your girlfriend. If you don't have anyone that you call your girlfriend, you are single and able to pursue whatever type of relationship you want. This girl doesn't appear to be interested in dating ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends more time with his friends than he does with me
Q. My boyfriend spends more time with his friends than me! I'm not saying that we should see each other everyday. Perhaps just once a week. He has made a lot of plans with them but whenever I bring up sth to do, he either says he is busy or already has ...
A. 11 November 2014: I agree with Aunty BimBim. If he is not willing to prioritize you, I think you now know just how important spending time with you is to him. One day a week is not a lot at all. He is more interested in putting time and effort into his friendships ... (read in full...)
I'm angry on the way he thinks about single mothers, what shall I do? Is is possible to change his mind?
Q. Hi, There is a guy whom I meet on training and at the end of the training we have a party and we meet there suddenly we separate with out exchanging address I was just thinking about him and rely upset for not having his address. Next day after th...
A. 11 November 2014: It doesn't sound like he dislikes single mothers, but he is not ready to be with a woman that has a child because even though your child lives with your parents, the child is still your responsibility and a big part of your life. He may not want to ... (read in full...)
I found incriminating evidence against boyfriend about cheating but he denies it all. What should I do?
Q. I've been in a two and a half year relationship which began when we were 15/16. We have a wonderful relationship and he treats me incredibly well, we are both respectful and incredibly loving. Faithful and genuine. In the early stages of our rela...
A. 11 November 2014: Cheating emotionally is just as bad as cheating physically. I had an ex like this that often would join dating sites and hit on people, made fake accounts as girls to try to flirt and get nude pictures from lesbians and cyber. In my experience, it ... (read in full...)
Naked pictures in a long distance relationship, she wants to see mine but won't show me hers!
Q. I am in a long distance relationship for over a year, yet we have not seen each other in person, but we communicated daily in web cam, phone, facebook, etc. I love her and she says she loves me very much. We have plans to meet soon and we want to ...
A. 11 November 2014: Neither of you should send anything. She has reason to be afraid since typically girls receive more slack when engaging in sexual activities, especially sexting. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Just wait until you can actually meet and see the ... (read in full...)
My friend tells me she's in love with me!
Q. I've met this woman and we have became really close friends and she says she loves me like her husband.but not in a sexual way but now I've fallen in love with her and I told her she said it's ok I decided to end our friendship she broke down in ...
A. 11 November 2014: You have to tell her that you can not keep up this affair because you really do love her. It's inappropriate for her to string you along in such a way, and while it would be a tough decision, if she really can't handle being apart from you, she will... (read in full...)
If your boyfriend's friend went to a hooker, does that mean your boyfriend could do it too?
Q. Hi everyone. Should I worry that a friend of my boyfriend has been using prostitutes? (The guy is single). Does that mean my boyfriend could also do it? I am just wondering if the people your boyfriend considers friends could have an impact on his...
A. 11 November 2014: If he is meeting prostitutes, it will eventually come to light, but it doesn't seem like you have any evidence or reason to believe that he is. My friends do drugs but I dont. You could probably just have a conversation with him about the fact tha... (read in full...)
She no longer shows affection -- does that mean she doesn't care?
Q. Hello everyone, I've been dating my girl friend for the past 8 months now and it was all going we l when it all started, she'll text me always and call too but Now I believe that I love her more than she does because , I don't get any affection ...
A. 11 November 2014: The best thing to do in this situation is to express how you feel about her not showing the kind of affection you need to feel love. I am the same as your girlfriend. While I can't be sure of the reason she acts this way, I am a lot less ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my married lover
Q. I've been in a relationship with an older married man for a year. In the last year, my feelings have grown for him, and I am in love. I know it's selfish, but I want more of his time to be spent with me. He insists that it will get better, but I'm ...
A. 9 November 2014: Obviously you should leave him. He's cheating on his wife to mess around with you. Do you think he won't cheat on you if he leaves his wife for you? I should add that I highly doubt that he plans to leave his wife. He's just stringing you along, ... (read in full...)
He's seemed awkward since our first date. Why?
Q. I met a guy through a friend as he is her uni housemate. We met at a party and hit it off straight away. Since then I returned home after visiting her and we texted a lot - he was quite flirty and invited me on a date when I next visited my friend. ...
A. 9 November 2014: Who's to say? It doesn't seem like you guys are in too deep so just go on about your business. He'll mention it if he's serious and still wants to go on a date. ... (read in full...)
It's the end of our friendship ..........
Q. Hi, I have been friends with a man for 7 years and we are both married. We get along really well, but only get to chat a couple of times a month. I will shortly be leaving the school where we usually catch up and although nothing has ever gone on ...
A. 9 November 2014: If you're attracted to him as more than a friend, his wife's reaction is reasonable and it's probably best that you move on if it will be too much of a hassle for you guys to maintain a friendship, especially if his wife doesn't like you. If he is ... (read in full...)
My parents don't like my boyfriend and I feel bad going against their wishes
Q. I have been dating this boy for about 5 months now. I am 22 and while I've gone out with a few guys, I've never been in a serious relationship before as my parents are mega strict on these matters. The boy I am dating lives in Manchester (I am in ...
A. 9 November 2014: You have to break away from being controlled by your family eventually. I'm 20 and my parents get concerned when I date but they know that I am an adult and I have to make my own decisions. The same applies to you. Talk to them about the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is irresposible with finances!
Q. My gf has serious personal finance problems. Even though she makes more than enough to pay her expenses and save, she consistently spends her entire paycheck and sometimes overspends it. She's open to discussion and is often willing to cutback ...
A. 9 November 2014: Tell her those long term and short term worries you have expressed. If she's given an ultimatum like this, knowing that she could be at risk of losing you, she will either work hard to be better or keeping being irresponsible. That will be your ... (read in full...)
How can I live more comfortably in this flat living with the kind of people I live with?
Q. Helloo, I'm having a problem that causes me a lot of stress and would appreciate advice on how to handle it. Please bear with me as I've just come out of a 'chat' which involves the problem. Thank you. At the moment, I'm living in a flat with my...
A. 31 January 2013: You have to find a new place to live, in my opinion. Adults refused to be controlled by other adults in this situation, and if no one is willing to change, you may just have to find a new place to live with you, your boyfriend, and other flatmates. ... (read in full...)
The mother of my boyfriend's son doesn't like me getting close to her son
Q. I have a boyfriend who has a 3 year old son to someone else,his sons mother thinks im getting too close to their son.im not sure what to do my boyfriends sons mother has a boyfriend is hardly involved at all is this healthy??and what should i do ...
A. 30 January 2013: Also, my parents are divorced, but I met my father's girlfriends all the time, and it didn't HARM me like some of you are assuming it will do to this child. It would harm the child a lot more to see you around but have you ignore him while he's ... (read in full...)
The mother of my boyfriend's son doesn't like me getting close to her son
Q. I have a boyfriend who has a 3 year old son to someone else,his sons mother thinks im getting too close to their son.im not sure what to do my boyfriends sons mother has a boyfriend is hardly involved at all is this healthy??and what should i do ...
A. 30 January 2013: Ignore her. It would be stupid to not get involved with the kid because this woman sounds insecure. If the kid likes you, he likes you. She'll just have to suck it up and stop being immature. It's not like you're trying to take custody of the kid. ... (read in full...)
I feel my best friend is being controlled by her boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it
Q. The other day I got into a little spat with my best friend who is my ex. we went out for about 7 months and ever since have been really close and we call each other super best friends or best friends plus 1. Anyways I haven't been able to see her ...
A. 30 January 2013: First off, I don't want you to be offended by this, but really ask yourself how you feel about this girl. Because to me it seems like your feelings go far beyond a friendship, and if her boyfriend is feeling this also, whether or not you or her n... (read in full...)
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