A
female
age
30-35,
*Ax
writes:Helloo,I'm having a problem that causes me a lot of stress and would appreciate advice on how to handle it.Please bear with me as I've just come out of a 'chat' which involves the problem. Thank you.At the moment, I'm living in a flat with my boyfriend and our friend (who owns the flat because he parents bought it for him). I'm going to call my flat mate Bob.Bob is very laid back which is because he comes from a wealthy background whose parents never pushed him to do anything, hence he's 24 with a meaningless job and a child in another continent who he doesn't care about. My biological father hasn't got in contact with me for many years so you can see where my frustration already lies. Bob has a best friend. And i swear, my flat mate would let him get away for murder as they’re that much of bum chums. I'm going to call Bob’s best mate Jack.I used to be close to Jack until I moved in with Bob. My boyfriend is also close to Jack. My boyfriend, Jack and Bob have all known it each other from secondary school many years ago.Jack pretty much lives at our flat. He is finally paying some rent, after many arguments on my side mostly, towards the rent because he lives here that much (stays about 4 nights in a row). And of course, everything costs. I had to put a fight with Bob and Jack for Jack to pay £30 a month because he comes here that often and doesn't clean up after himself, ever! Even if i constantly ask him, and nicely! I ask nicely if he can clear up after himself, and he argues back! What an absolute joke. And as X doesn’t even clean anything himself, it doesn’t bother him. I’ve never seen such a dirty room in all my life, and I’m not even going to start about the stuff growing in his separate bathroom! Bob honestly doesn't think Jack should pay for anything!! He isn’t bothered about anything. Now, the problem is the electricity bill. It has gone up by £115 in comparison to the last bill and that’s because Jack lived here more. And guess who has to pay for it? My boyfriend and me. Who doesn’t pay for it? Jack. We all split the bills 3 way but now I want to split it 4. Fair enough if Jack wants to come over and wants to chill and hang. But what I’m angry about is that Jack falls asleep to the TV. I wake up in the morning to find him asleep to it all the time. So that’s at least…36 hours of wasted TV I’ve caught him. And yes, I tell him to turn the TV off. Countless times, and even my boyfriend did. Did he listen? Never. And now I have to pay for it because Bob thinks it’s alright as he’s our ‘friend’. I told him that’s not how it works as it’s his choice to let Jack stay here that long and then he says the most horrible thing ever, “ You wouldn’t even be watching that TV if Jack didn’t give it as a gift. So should I tell him to take it back?” First off, I moved in with a TV in the flat and two, Jack’s parents were throwing it away, which my boyfriend was there at the time and suggesting bringing to this flat. I’m honestly losing it. What can I say to get some respect and make Bob see what’s he’s doing wrong? I’m tired of being pushed around. And moving out is not an option. I want to be able to live at least more comfortably in this flat. Can i?
View related questions:
best friend, flatmate, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 best advice... start finding a new place to live. NOW
stop cleaning up after jack!
keep to yourself.
I have never found that a situation with a couple who has roommates works well.
roommates are fine
couples living together are fine
couples living together with roommates... recipe for disaster
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Hi
Just move out, find a flatshare for just you, with a couple of girls. You don't have to take your boyfriend with you,or split up with him.
Your not happy with your living arrangements,your merely a tennant in somebody elses flat,sharing with the owner and 3 other guys.
Energy bills have all gone up, I don't think leaving a TV on will boost it by £115, heating for winter might,TVs really dont use that much power.If this Jack won't put in a contribution then its up to Bob to sort it and he's not bothered.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 January 2013):
 well, you live under bob's roof, so you abide by bob's rules. simple as that. you're a tenant in his house. you want a different living situation and to call the shots, then you have to get your own apartment where you make the rules. but you said you're not considering that. so i say it seems you're unfortunately out of luck.jack shouldn't have to pay rent. the reason i say that? because once again: he's bob's friend and bob can make those decisions since it's his place. should jack pitch in some money for power and water every month, etc? probably so. it's the respectful thing to do. and if jack won't or can't afford it, bob should offer up a little bit extra to make up for it since it is his friend, afterall. but honestly, bob is the landlord. and as long as you live with him, you're kinda stuck dealing with whatever he wants.
...............................
A
female
reader, babalou +, writes (31 January 2013):
 You have to find a new place to live, in my opinion. Adults refused to be controlled by other adults in this situation, and if no one is willing to change, you may just have to find a new place to live with you, your boyfriend, and other flatmates. It will take a while, of course, but you'll just have to bare with it if you want to live comfortably until you can manage to get a place of your own.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): I know that you say moving out is not an option but i would seriously consider it. If your that unhappy put your foot down and get them in line or alternatively carry on putting up with them until they drive you out of your mind.
...............................
|
