A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My older, married lover tells me he will eventually leave his wife once I finish college. He has brought up the idea of having a baby together recently.Does this mean he is serious about our relationship and would having his baby be a good choice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (3 December 2014):
I am sorry hun..but more than likely he is getting his fling and just having fun .Do not settle for 2nd best go for somebody closer to your age who will treat you well .you have got loads of time to go out with older men..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): Sweetie, Why are you choosing to be 2nd place, when you deserve to be 1st place?
Ask him why he wants to wait to leave his wife after you are through with college? if his excuse is he doesn't want to burden you: a good counter arguement is:
"After all, you are already out on your own, taking care of your own place, vehicle, bills etc? It would be more cost efficent for both of you to start a life together now." You can qualify for student discounts on apartments. *Watch for micro expressions of squirming now!
The big baby question...OH H 2 THE NO! If he wants a baby, you need a committment FIRST! You want to see a cheating man run for the hills, mention M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E. A baby is a full time job, no days off, no sick time.
Who will be the primary caretaker of this child? U will! After all a baby is for life! Why shouldn't you be too?
OH yeah, he already has made that committment to his current wife!
My father told me this when I graduated High school:
"Run for as long as you can. Because once you have kids, your life is no more your own."
After all, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve to travel the world, You need to see France at 5 am after dancing all night with friends! Believe me it's beautiful!
Late night movies with friends, day trips on a whim.
Sexy momma dresses & heels for New's Eve Balls!
Not baby spit, or poo at 3 am. Tearing apart the house looking for the binky or teether ring. Dreaming of getting six hours of sleep before a 10 hour shift on your feet.
That's what comes after you have ran and seen the world!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2014):
 "My older, married lover tells me he will eventually leave his wife once I finish college...."
Yes, and it won't snow in Minneapolis, this winter......
And you want to procreate with this cretin?????
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, Princess_008  +, writes (15 November 2014):
I definitely agree with others.Why is he waiting for your studies to be over to end his relationship to separate with his wife?? How are these two different matters relate? If he wanted, He could leave her now...for you. But its obvious. Its just excuses.NO, DONT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM. He wants to have a children with you most probably to make you and his relation safe. Because that means it will be more difficult for you to leave me despite the fact that he is still with his wife. And the result?? He's getting the cake on both side. and you are ruining your life.Now if he's cheating his wife for you now, even if he marries you one day, what's the probability he won't cheat on you with some other girl.. You know, Once a cheater..always a cheater
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (15 November 2014):
I'm not going to tell you to leave this man BUT do NOT have a baby with him. If you had this baby with him, YOU will be raising it alone!
He will NOT leave his wife for you. You are an interest to him but nothing more. He doesn't love you.
Get an education. Take care of yourself. You deserve all things that are great to have!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 November 2014):
 Married men will say ANYTHING to keep their little honey on the side. The will lie..lie..lie.and then lie some more. Do they mean what they are saying ? No..no and no! Should you believe him? No, not for a minute. He'll say anything to keep you around as your grow older and older and all the good single taken men are snatched up while you sit around waiting for a phone call when he can sneak you one..waiting for a few stolen hours together.
Wake up..smell the coffee. Don't have his baby! He'll just keep making more and more excuses to keep you around.
My best friend waited for 7 years for her married lover to get a divorce. She couldn't see through his lies. There was always one reason or another why he couldn't leave his wife...Finally she woke up and seen her life passing her by.
Don't let that happen to you! Find someone who can give themself freely of you without running home to wifey every night. Respect yourself!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): "Does this mean he is serious about our relationship and would having his baby be a good choice?"
He is not at all serious about your relationship and he will never leave his wife. He's saying whatever he thinks he has to say in order to string you along so he can keep screwing you on the side.
Getting yourself knocked up and then having to drop out of college to raise the spawn of a lying, cheating scumbag completely on your own would NOT be a good choice.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 November 2014):
 No having his baby would be ridiculous, specially while you are still IN college. And he is still married.
If he leaves his wife, how long do you think he will stick it out with you? Or do you presume that you are "better" then the "old" wife? That he won't tire of you and want a "younger" model down the line? And then what? you will be stuck with a baby and a guy who can't afford much in terms of child support.
Are you really so naive that you think if you get knocked up, he will without doubt leave her?
WHY not focus on your education, get started on a CAREER after wards BEFORE having babies? And specially NOT have babies with a man who is STILL married to another woman.
Come on, honey... Have a dose of common sense here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): You are young so you dont really understand this man is married and leaving his wife will never happen.He had to love this woman he a put a ring on it.Dont lower your standards get with someone else and leave this married man alone.
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A
female
reader, babalou +, writes (15 November 2014):
 He won't. If he thought you were worth divorcing his wife, he would do it without wasting time staying with her. He's saying what he needs to to keep you on a leash. When you finish college, I'm 100% sure that he will find more reasons to make you wait in the sidelines and you will spend your youth chasing a man that you will never end up with. Besides, he's cheating in his wife for you so even if he does leave her for you, which won't happen, it's highly likely that he will find another lover during your relationship. Hell, there's no reason to believe that you're the only person he's cheating with. Let go of someone else's husband and find someone who wants to be with you and only you. Someone that you don't have to "wait" for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): From one college chick to another...I would say no to both questions. Logically speaking divorce is a long process that takes months to years to complete. And a child, well, that's a lifelong commitment. Why put yourself through the hassle when you can focus more important things like: where will I get my masters degree, will I land my dream job, and will I aced my final exam. Obviously getting a guy is not hard for you, so find another one without baggage. You deserve. And good luck in college!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): you sound young, do really want to settle down and have a baby straight away when you leave college. I'm not saying you are planning to do that straight away, but I assume that this man probably might want to as i am assuming theres quite an age gap between the two of you, as he has a wife. Also he doesn't sound like a nice man with very good morals to just leave his wife like that. I dont think you should, I think you will find someone you like better. If you go ahead anyway and dont follow my advise and get with him anyway, then you should at least demand that he leaves hes wife right now if hes serious. But all in all I don't think you should bother with him at all he don't sound worth it.
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