A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been friends with a man for 7 years and we are both married. We get along really well, but only get to chat a couple of times a month. I will shortly be leaving the school where we usually catch up and although nothing has ever gone on between us, I am really going to miss him. I would say we are attracted to each other,but we have done nothing inappropriate, he and his wife have had dinner at our place, but he has told me that she does not like us talking. He has other female friends and I asked him about that, and he said it's just me she feels this way about. Just the other day, I asked him about how we could catch up next year, meaning just having a chat via email or txt, and he said "you'll meet someone else". This really hurt me as it makes me sound like I've just been a bit of fun or that he thinks I'm going to forget him straight away. How would readers take this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 I wouldn't read more into it. He was diplomatically letting you know he knows you have feelings for him, that nothing can come of them and it's best you both move on.
A friendship with this man is inappropriate and you know it. His wife is fine with the other female acquaintances because they're just friends. You want more and she senses it. She's not an idiot and you shouldn't be one either.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 I don't think he saw yo as just some fun while at school, but he rather not offend YOU by saying that he RATHER listen to his wife and respect that SHE isn't at all happy with this friendship. After all.. he has to LIVE with her.
Wish him well. He has already told you he can't continue the friendship because she doesn't like it, so asking to "keep in touch" via e-mail is you ignoring his wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): You're looking for justification from us readers that he might like you romantically or you should give him true and concrete signals you are interested. Wanting us to tell you it is some ill fated love story, to just throw caution to the wind and go for it; forget you are both MARRIED... blah blah blah... Or rather our approval that you should pursue him and this relationship until you both have an affair.You won't get it.You should never have allowed yourself to get this close to begin with. You are already having an affair of sorts. You admitted yourself you are attracted to each other. And your "chats" whether they are a couple of times a month or a couple of times a day are highly inappropriate. Frequency has no bearing so long as you are having them, period. And you know it. Forget about this fantasy that has the ability to destroy lives. Move on. This is the perfect opportunity to say goodbye and focus on your spouses and your own marriages. Him already saying "you'll meet someone else" is his way of saying good bye to you. It is obvious. He is not interested in taking it further. It was probably a nice little distraction for him or ego boost. I do not think he was interested enough to move the affair with you beyond the talks to the physical. Or it would have happened long ago.His wife does not like him talking to you FOR A REASON. GOOD REASON. And trust me, when she puts her foot down, he is going to go by HER wishes, not yours.Leave this one behind you.You are barking up the wrong tree! You will only cause yourself emotional upheaval by hanging onto some fantasy which clearly now has an expiry date.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): I think he's protecting his marriage and feels your a threat to it. He didn't make excuses or try to sugar coat it. Move on, forget about him.
...............................
A
female
reader, babalou  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 If you're attracted to him as more than a friend, his wife's reaction is reasonable and it's probably best that you move on if it will be too much of a hassle for you guys to maintain a friendship, especially if his wife doesn't like you. If he is not willing to continue the friendship, you should let it go. I think it would be a bit unhealthy if you clung to a relationship with this man knowing that you are attracted to him, suspecting that he is attracted to you, and knowing that his wife doesn't approve of your friendship, probably because she can sense that you are attracted to him. You say that nothing inappropriate has happened, but if I was his wife, I would not be willing to wait to see if something inappropriate would happen. His willingness to let the friendship go, in my opinion, makes it seems as though maybe he isn't attracted to you but can tell that you are attracted to him but would rather not have you holding on.
...............................
|
