A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married man with two children. My wife is an excellent mother however our relationship hasn't been going too well for a long time. Our problem is our sex life. Ever since my wife had our second child she has not really been wanting to be intimate with me. She says she's been feeling insecure about how her body's changed since having kids. I understand this as my best friend told me he went through this exact same situation. She's really into oral so she uses that to try and please me and I love it but I miss actual sex. She doesn't like me seeing her body. She tells me she feels bad because she knows I'm upset but says she doesn't want to have sex if she's going to feel uncomfortable. I love her and don't want to leave her so what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): I have loads of stretch marks and a saggy belly from a c section and I felt bad about them for years. It effected my relationship and in the end he cheated on me and is now married to somebody else. I'm now with somebody and I have a fantastic sex life because I started buying nice underwear, like corsets or basques. Sometimes I just tie a scarf round my stomach, I know that sounds strange lol! They cover up the parts I really hate, I'm not overweight I just hate my stomach. If you are open with each could you suggest a trip to a lingerie shop? Spray tans also do wonders for covering stretch marks. My boyfriend seems to like me being partially clothed when we have sex, he always he says that it turns him on more than somebody stark naked. I don't think you have a problem with the stretch marks so if you suggest this say that you don't.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2015):
 So suggest seeing a dermatologist?
Stretch marks are for most women part of pregnancy. There isn't an instant fix but there are things she can do to make them fade faster.
If she had a decent sexual appetite before and not now that CAN also be due to hormonal imbalance - so I'd still go with her getting a full check up and her all her level checked.
And even if it's not weight gain she is battling, getting exercise can do wonders for the sex life.
Romance her, have date nights, make her FEEL loved and wanted - but let HER make the first move for sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2015): Hey, so I've had stretch marks all my life ALLover my butt and upper thighs. Last March, I tried Bio Oil (available online and in good pharmacies). The new purple/red stretch marks are totally gone, and the old ones are very faded. Buy her a couple of those, quick, esp if her stretch marks are new.Cellulite: try the coffee/oil/sugar scrubs a lot of people use regularly for this. There are loads of at-home remedies for cellulite, encourage her to try them out. Weight lifting also tones up the body and creates muscle instead of fat. Will give her confidence a boost but also firm up the skin.Also, try buying her and you guys a book on lovemaking. Just seeing the tasteful pictures can turn her on. Insist on lights off, for her sake, and take him to seduce her and make her feel safe with you. It really is a matter of safety for a lot of women. Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2015): Hi Honeypie I thank you for your reply.
My wife is pretty open with me about these issues. From what I see and from what she's told me, it's not a weight problem. She's very active at her job.
She had a c section in her last pregnancy and she has sagging/wrinkly skin there that bothers her a lot. She also developed pretty bad stretch marks on her stomach and hips. She hates what it's done to her skin.
My ex girlfriend had lots of stretch marks from her child, but she didn't seem to care much. I guess every girl is different.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2015):
Tell her you LOVE her no matter what, but that is IS important to you that she doesn't hate herself or her body.
Ask her what you can do to help her. Do she want to go to the gym and be work out buddies? Give her a couple of hours so SHE can go by herself to the gym?
If you can afford it find a gym with a good FEMALE trainer and get your wife started. Once she gets into the whole getting fit routine she will start to feel better about herself and... sex.
SUPPORT her in getting healthy. IF she will consider it, she might want to start with a doctor's visit have her hormone levels etc checked as it can be VERY hard to lose weight if your hormones work against you.
Let the notion of sex go on the back burner a bit. HER filling better about herself is priority.
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (5 September 2015):
Why would leaving her even come into the equation. . May I ask how old are your children .. being sexual intimate I can understand your frustration at wanting that closeness .. but at the moment she just isn't ready . How do you help at home .. does she have time for herself .. my hubby encouraged me to go back jogging and we bought a treadmill as well as weather where we are is terrible lol. You need to boost her self esteem .. Help out and look at practical things like a treadmill etc .
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A
female
reader, babalou +, writes (5 September 2015):
 Help her feel sexy. If you have the finances, treat her to some self-care items or things like lingerie. Compliment her frequently (sincerely, and don't overdo it). As a female, I have this problem even though I haven't been pregnant, but stress caused me to gain weight recently. But things like lingerie, manicure/pedicure, just things to glam me up tend to give me that confidence boost that I need to feel sexy. My boyfriend complimenting me really helps too. It may not help for her, but I think it's worth a try.Feeling sexy is something she'll have to want and want to make an effort for. I think since she's a mother, it will be much harder than it is for me since she has more stress and a family to take care.I think it's also important to mention that she may just not have much of a sexual appetite. It's not uncommon for this to happen to women post pregnancy and doesn't always have much to do with insecurities about their bodies.
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