A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick one really... My husband and I have been together for a good 4-5 years and we have always had a good sex life (3-5 times a week) up till about two weeks ago when he joined a gym. I'm all up for him going and getting fit feeling better about him self but since he's been going we haven't had sex once. There is hardly any kissing or touching, its basically get in bed he says night rolls on his side (so his back is to me) and starts snoring. Even if i make the first move he just moves away from me says sorry but he is too tiered. I'm not a overly sexual person but I'd at least like to be kissed or cuddled. I understand that he is new to the gym and will have aches and pains and be a little more tiered but for him to be like that from day one going to the gym makes me a little more than confused. I have asked him about it but he just shrugs it off saying nothing is wrong. Ive asked him if his feelings have changed about me and he says I'm being stupid. I've even asked if he's been seeing some one else he of course denies it saying I'm being paranoid. Any help or advice about why else has he gone like this would be great thanks xxx
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 November 2014):
 I say give it some more time. If you have no reason to suspect anything going on, then don't start making guesses. So far the only change you know of, that was mentioned here, was that he started to go to the gym. It's just been two weeks, so perhaps he is indeed just tired and a bit overwhelmed. Give it some more time. He will adjust. As he gets into a good routine, going to the gym will give him more energy than he had before, and he will become more active, both in the bedroom and otherwise.
It's just been two weeks, so I suggest you wait a bit longer to see what goes on. Talk to him about how you miss kisses, do NOT start interrogations about whether or not he's not in love with you/has found someone else. He is right, this is stupid and paranoid. Although I do not approve of him saying such things, it is not nice of him to say to you.. but he's also right. You have no grounds to come with such accusations, and such accusations, or questions, are very hurtful. If he feels under attack (which anyone would feel if they were accused of cheating, or simply asked if they were cheating...) it is natural that he will get defensive.
Talk to him instead about the cuddles and kisses and sex. That you have become a bit worried. But also realize that at times when people have lots on their minds and lots to do (or perhaps their bodies are aching from exercise) there will be less sex for a period. However if it truly is because of him recently going to the gym, then it will soon be back to normal.
A
female
reader, babalou +, writes (15 November 2014):
 Step one is to communicate your feelings directly. Not in the form of a question, but in the firm of a statement. Tell him that you are craving intimacy and that you have been feeling neglected since he has started putting all of his energy into going to the gym. Let him understand that you support him going to the gym to get fit but you have needs that need to be met within your relationship. Tell him exactly what you want. For example, at least one night of sex a week (no specific night as that may take the fun out if it) and some cuddling before bed, kisses, etc. See where things go from there. I don't know him personally but I would imagine if someone told their partner that they missed the intimacy that that person would make an effort to provide without feeling burdened.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014):
It does sound like he maybe cheating on you. Why dont you offer to do other things with him besides sex, like going to the cinemas or suggest other things to do together that he likes that's not to active, or even ask to go to the gym with him sometimes and see what he says. Then you might be able to get a better idea if he is cheating. If he doesn't want to do anything with you then maybe you have good reason to believe he is cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014):
It does sound like he maybe cheating on you. Why dont you offer to do other things with him besides sex, like going to the cinemas or suggest other things to do together that he likes that's not to active, or even ask to go to the gym with him sometimes and see what he says. Then you might be able to get a better idea if he is cheating. If he doesn't want to do anything with you then maybe you have good reason to believe he is cheating.
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