A
female
age
36-40,
*aschica
writes:My fiance says I'm sensitive, but I think he's just mean. I won't get into a whole lot of background. We've been together for 7.5 years now and I just get upset with him too much I feel. He just does things that get under my skin and it really sucks because I'm working on a Ph.D. and when he upsets me, I can't focus on my work. Anyway, the most recent situation happened yesterday. Warning: this is going to sound silly. We're walking up the stairs to our apartment and he's spitting like every 5 seconds so I ask him if there is something in his mouth. He snarks back at me, "Let me handle my business." Blindsided and hurt, I say "Can you just answer the question?" He says, "Why do I need to answer that?" Of course, I'm upset but for more than just this but because he seems to get annoyed at me for asking him questions. And it's not interrogative questions like his whereabouts, just small stuff. I'm upset because we've had this conversation a number of times and I keep telling myself that I should stop asking him stuff and just not say anything to him at all because I never know when he'll jump on me.I almost want to just break it off with him because I can't live like this or am I just being too sensitive?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): you should leave this relationship, this is no way to live. walking on eggshells every day is no way to live. the long term stress can be debilitating to you.
A
female
reader, raschica +, writes (21 December 2011):
raschica is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I'm still working on my degree. He is the one who decided not to go for his, which is fine. And he is supportive of me in school. It's just when we have arguments, which, in my opinion, is way too often, I have a hard time focusing on school. I think you're right though about either accepting it or leaving. He eventually apologized and said that in the future he will just answer questions so we'll see how it goes.I was thinking about it today and there have been plenty of times that I'll be blinking a lot and he will ask me if there is something in my eye. I don't jump down his throat. I can't bring it up now though since we've kind of made up, but I just thought that was peculiar.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 December 2011):
 I think you should either accept this is how he is or leave him. im sure a woman like you wont have any trouble meeting someone new. Did your decision not to go for your PhD have anything to do with is lack of respect and support?
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A
female
reader, raschica +, writes (21 December 2011):
raschica is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response guys. I wasn't sure what the response would be. @rainorfire, I'm not so sure about him being jealous. But I do see your point. He has a master's degree and could've gone for a Ph.D. but decided against it so even though, I've been in school a few years more, as of now, we have the same number of degrees.
Does it happen everyday- no. But it happens often enough that I just hate for him to talk to me and kick myself for even asking him a question to begin with. I certainly can't live like this. What gets me even more is that he knows that I'm hurt and instead of trying to make me feel better and apologize, he sits there and acts like a total ass when I'm trying to talk to him about it.
Grr! I honestly do not know what to do.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 December 2011):
I think he is jealous. Your working on a Ph.D congrats so im sure you have a masters and are highly educated where does he stand. Maybe your smarter more successful and hes lashing out at you out of jealousy.
I dated a girl whose ex was exactly like that i knew him and her and when i was around both of them he treated her like crap. He would tell me when she wasnt around that her career and schooling was taking up to much of their time. Basically he was jealous that she was finishing her degree had a successful career and he was basically a bum.
Well she eventually dumped him went out with me we had a great time but she eventually had to relocate because of her job but now she makes six figures a year and has completed her degree and is happily dating a professional athlete.
Some men are intimidated by successful intelligent women not I though And i only date women who drive an S Class. Michele was actually Obamas boss food for thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Hi
I cant totally answer your question but i can empathise! My boyfriend drives me crazy. Anytime we fight he says oh off u go again you're going to cry! He says the same to me im too sensitive...but how cant u be sensitive when someone says such hurtful things to you=how else are u suppose to take it? Why couldnt he just answer u nicely. I dont understand guys at all. But im sure they cant all be like that?? One thing i will say is, does it happen often?? In which case...a whole lifetime of it could be withering so maybe you should stop and take stock of your relationship and ask yourself can you live with this man forever? The reality of what hes like as oppose to the fantasy of marriage which we all want. Take care
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Nope, not too sensitive. It's a difficult life living with passive-aggressive types or people that get very defensive over nothing. My friend recently dumped a guy saying she couldn't imagine living likecthat forever . She'd ask him why the dog was dirty and he'd argue back " what are you saying, I don't wash him enough!!?". Personalties like that are just so difficult to get along with and in the long run have a peaceful happy life with.
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