A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and a guy were seeing each other for a few months and we proposed going slow.I found out just recently that he has 2 children. I found this out from a close friend of his, he didn't tell me.He is a heavy drinker, drinks every night and sometimes in the day. He has also been warned by his boss, who has noticed him coming into work in a drunk state, so he almost lost his job of 10 years due to his drinking.His compulsive drinking obviously suggests to me that he is unhappy. It also suggests that he isn't supporting the kids as best as he could be, as he is more concerned on spending money on alcohol than he is spending it on his kids.I also don't believe that he spends much time with them as he had never mentioned seeing them within the few months we were together. In the day he worked, then off to the pub, then we'd meet. This was every day.That is a long time to go without seeing his children. So that makes me wonder if he cares? Even most dates we went on I was obliged to pay, as his money was better spent on his drinks.I called things off after I found out he had children, due to a number of reasons; He isn't there for them, he's mixed up, and he's very unhappy. These are possibly the reasons why he is drinking. He decided to lose contact with me when I found out. This suggests that he'd only have been with me If I didn't know.However having looked at his Facebook, he has began uploading pictures of his children. When I was with him there were only past pictures which were uploaded last year, which I only noticed when I found out he had kids.I feel awful for the kids because they aren't being supported as best as they could be by their Dad.Yet I feel awful myself as I called things off. He said that I could make him so much more happier.This has been my first relationship, and I feel as though with the situation things seemed quite heavy. I think the mother of the children is 18, if that helps answer the question. They were involved in a 3 year relationship. The guy described is 27.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Stay away from this one... he will drag you down to his level.
Appears he is an alcoholic, that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
I am sorry for the children but once again WHERE IS THEIR MOTHER? Dont let someone else's problem become yours!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Yeah of course you should have stayed with this deadbeat dad of an 18 year old's two kids, who's 27 and turns to alcohol instead of facing his issues with a clean mind and living up to his responsibilities. You missed out big time there he sounds like a great catch.
He's the guy I always wished I could be but could never quite give up on myself or others that easily.
If you want to be a charity worker then go volunteer your time in the children's ward of a hospital. If you want a healthy relationship then you can only have it with a person who can give you one. You're not responsible for his life, he is, and he shouldn't be around messing with girls when he has two kids to feed and he's in no emotional state to actually be a good partner anyway.
"He said that I could make him so much more happier." No, just no. You're no ones saviour OP, you're a woman with needs, desires and a life you want to share. He has nothing to share with you but depression, self-abuse, alcoholism etc . You did what you had to, you actually helped him by choosing not to become the enabler his pathetic wretched excuse for a life. This was his choice OP, he chose this, this is all the result of his actions and inactions. If you want someone to pity go to that children's ward and see what it's like to see a 5 year old battle cancer. People like this guy make their own bed, they don't deserve sympathy. All they should get is a pat on the back if they turn things around but pitying someone who spends all their time and money pitying themselves is like pissing into the wind to make a rainbow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): I think you were 100% right to call this off, you don't want to be involved with an alcoholic who lies to you about the fact that he has children. You can do much better. Take care.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Stay far far away. It's just too much baggage and too many red flags. Don't you think you deserve better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): not a good sign at all....if you were just casual acquaintances then sure I can understand if he chooses not to share his personal details that he has children. But if you have been dating exclusively and officially in a relationship, then it's a breach of trust that he didn't tell you this because this is a very important personal detail. He's basically trying to deceive you, for whatever reasons he has. At what point was he going to tell you, ever? If you some day got engaged?? then it would be oh by the way...??
I think you did the right thing of ending this relationship. This is just not an honorable way for a guy to conduct himself in a dating relationship.
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