Please help me to accept her past
Q. I’m in my first relationship and have been rocked by a revelation from my girlfriend. I’ve been trying to deal with it myself – for reasons that will become clear I can’t discuss it with friends – but it is driving my insane. I really need some help ...
A. 9 September 2011: It's been a while since I last wrote a response on this website, and more especially on this subject, but the quality of the OP's initial article, and the majority of the subsequent help responses prompted me to add my four'penneth (that's ... (read in full...)
Got quotes?
Q. got good quotes ? any kind . love , life , dark , light . you name it . I need some good ones for my class . lol . help me out . post one or more(: thanks ....
A. 14 November 2010: "Ham and Eggs" - A day's work for a Chicken, a lifetime's mission for a Pig..!!... (read in full...)
I'm done 'having meaningless fun' but just so worried that when I'm faced with the next guy - I won't refuse!
Q. Ive hooked up with prob 10 + guys in my lifetime, but never had sex with them...I had sex ONCE with a guy (that i didnt know well) and never had it again....after having sex i realized that I had lost my self respect and that even making out with a ...
A. 10 August 2010: Hello there,
Well there is another concensous on this which goes something like; A guy who respects you and is worth his salt won't want to just hop into bed with you for a one-night-wonder too.
I for one am less than impressed with a... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to know the relationship history of the person you are dating?
Q. Mod Note: OP's own title: I would think that it is normal to want to know about the relationship history of the person you are dating. Especially as you are getting closer to them and more committed. Some folks seem to disagree with me...but I c...
A. 29 July 2010: I think it's essential to know the relationship history of the person you're dating as you don't know how something which is part of that history might affect your feelings, if not now, then maybe in the future.
Let me give you an example of how t... (read in full...)
Wife messing around, was it planned?
Q. my wife has been going to her best friends house every weekend for a few months, her best friends boyfriend also invites his own best friend and they stay up late getting drunk and chatting,about a month ago my wife said we should split, and i now ...
A. 13 July 2010: You've been set up here matey..get rid and quick...... (read in full...)
Why cant a make a guy cum from a bj?
Q. My last boyfriend of 6 years never came during a blowjob. now my new boyfriend hasnt either Am i doing it wrong?? im really hurt hes stuck with a rubbish girlfriend!! are some men unable to come during a blowjob....why!!!!!...
A. 13 July 2010: Yes, I can vouch for CaringGuy's comments there..don't go blaming yourself, it really isn't anything you're doing wrong i'll guess..you know sometimes it's too much of an intense sensation and then works against the guy..so i'm told!... (read in full...)
Why did wife lie about her past? I have a right to know!
Q. I found out my wife lied to me about how many guys she slept with before me. When the topic first came up when we were dating she told me there was three. I had a very hard time with this because i felt very insecure about myself. At that point i ...
A. 27 April 2010: I totally agree with the anonymous poster's comments below.
Yos, I've read pretty much everything you and TTM have written on this issue which blinds common sense and rational emotional states. It's a subject matter in it's own right and I ferven... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 24 March 2010: Hi Yos,
Yes I can honestly say i'm ashamed to have written that poem..in a low moment..there's been quite a few..
Anyway thanks for the comments associated..
Regards
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 24 March 2010: It can be an issue, it is for me..and ultimately "could" become an obsessively destructive intsrument in a relationship. There are some on this site that would say things along the lines of "if you can't accept it then leave her" etc..Hard as it ... (read in full...)
I lied about my sexual history. How can I make it up to him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. When we first got together i lied about how many sexual partners i had had. Since then, I have lied to him about 2 or 3 more times, letting only a little bit more information slip but not telling him ...
A. 9 November 2009: Hello anonymous,
I can share your dilema with this.the only difference being i'm on the other side of the fence in so far as having been "drip fed" details of my wife's sexual history over a 25 yr period!! She was the same age as you seem to be wh... (read in full...)
Help needed! How can I get over her past?
Q. I've been dating my current girlfriend for about 6 months now and everyhting was fine and dandy... We really felt we were in love with each other but we got into talking about our pasts and hers really upset me. She's young and has been with 7 ...
A. 9 November 2009: I was going to write a pretty long dialogue on this issue for you but then thought..why bother!..the feministic SS will just harp on about the "past is the past" and you shouldn't judge her etc...the usual bollocks.. Anyway, cutting it short... (read in full...)
Last week he loved me, and now it's over??
Q. Hey guys i would really appreciate some help with this one. If it is long i apologise but going into detail might make it clearer to you. A few weeks ago a dear friend of my got back in touch after a long time and after talking etc we realise...
A. 7 November 2009: I think you've answered your own question here in what you wrote:
Quote 1: At that time I was pregnant with someones child.
Quote 2: I no it was to soon to talk about it but it had to be done.
Quote 3: he said the recent conversations wer... (read in full...)
I've cheated on my fiancee and I'm seeing him this weekend... Do I tell?
Q. I've got myself into such a mess. I'm engaged to the most amazing guy in the world, he means everything to me. We currently only see eachother at weekends as I'm at university now, and may way of coping with him not being here is to sort of push him ...
A. 6 November 2009: Hmmm...Sounds like you've got your own big, secret suprise for your boyfriend too..although, not so wonderful!! I'd take heed of what Gina says here, she's pretty spot on. If it was just limited to kissing then maybe ok, fair enough..weak mome... (read in full...)
Should I ditch this engagement? After what she did with this guy?
Q. I need help. I just found out my fiancee cheated on me a little while ago. I don't know if I should marry her or not. I'm real pissed off and upset, but I love her, but this is not acceptable. I'm a believer in that 2 people who are in love and ...
A. 5 November 2009: I can't believe you're giving her the benefit of trying to work through this..i'd agree with Frank Kermit...Get Rid and quick..... (read in full...)
Double trouble!!!
Q. I've been dating a guy for a year, I was his first girlfriend, first everything basically. He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated. We've stuck by each other through loss, fights with friends, unemployment, and other situations. It made things ...
A. 3 November 2009: Don't date anyone right now, you're not emotionally stable enough to lend enough maturity to a partner who honours you but you can't reciprocate. Just listen to what you're saying here.."He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated" quote. But then ... (read in full...)
G/f's past experiences have made her resentful toward men
Q. My girlfriend of one year has some built up resentment towards men from the experiences she has had. I love this girl, care for her enormously and would really like to help her with this. She has been disrespected sexually, not in an abusive ...
A. 29 October 2009: Good points Hijacked...
It's a bit like going back to Physics 101...
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction..
... (read in full...)
Am I a hoe because I agreed to have sex with my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend is 19 and I am 16. We live in Australia so it is legal. We were making out the other day and he started feeling my breasts under my shirt and vagina on top of my pants. He quietly asked me if I'd have sex with him and I was so turned ...
A. 17 September 2009: Uncle Phil....
Does this mean that she made herself a "hoe" beacause she had a quick "fork" ?
Sorry couldn't resist that one..
... (read in full...)
Should I tell this new guy about the abortion I'm about to get?
Q. A little over a month ago, I had a one night stand. Unfortunately, I did not use correct judgment and we used the withdrawal method. As it turns out, I can attest it is not as effective as I'd hoped to believe. An Abortion has been scheduled for ...
A. 16 September 2009: I find it hard to believe most of these replies above bear absolutely NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER to how the new boyfriend might feel about this situation he is potentially about to find himself in!
Natasia states that by not telling him it would av... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 7 September 2009: Correction..I meant i'm one of the 90% shy/caring/non-experienced guys who fell for one of the 90% women.... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 7 September 2009: I'd like to thank ALL the contributors to this discussion, i read with great interest what i think is a well balanced, constructively argued, and supportive article. I'm one of those 10% guys who unfortunatley have been trying to contend with the... (read in full...)
One night stand eaves me filled guilty and shamed
Q. To begin with It was my birthday and I got totally drunk and me and my friend decided to hook up with these 2 guys we know and they were being really friendly and sweet, they took us to some random house where we waited for ages for his bro who ...
A. 16 August 2009: Candice...I've already added my thoughts but couldn't help myself responding to your follow up and what you wrote;- "Its just hard yeah with all the pressures thesedays seems like all the girls are doing these kinds of things its harder to be dif... (read in full...)
One night stand eaves me filled guilty and shamed
Q. To begin with It was my birthday and I got totally drunk and me and my friend decided to hook up with these 2 guys we know and they were being really friendly and sweet, they took us to some random house where we waited for ages for his bro who ...
A. 16 August 2009: It seems like a bitter pill to swallow, but perhaps a good lesson well learnt.
I guess the message here is don't hook up for random sex with just anyone..save it for someone you feel emotions for and then it'll be something you don't regret.... (read in full...)
Sex on the first date what should I expect now?
Q. This guy and i met at a club. We talked and called each other the next day and decided we should hang out that night. He drove quite a distance to see me. Things got really hot and ended up having sex on the "first date". Now i'm not sure whether or ...
A. 12 July 2009: I would'nt hold out too much hope to be honest...seeing as you gave your "all", and he took it..where's the next level of tis relationship going?..It's reached it's zenith already as far as he's concerned.
It sounds like this guy's knotched you up a... (read in full...)
Should I tell my partner I cheated a year ago?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are both in our mid-late twenties. He put me in a very vulnerable position early in relationship which I forgave him for and we worked through it. Last year I made a stupid mistake and cheated on him. I ...
A. 19 January 2009: Hmmm..difficult one.
You don't mention what the "vulnerable position" was that your boyfriend put you in..perhaps this has a bearing on things?
Without that knowledge however..look at it from his point of view..does he have a right to know th... (read in full...)
How do I approach this sort of conversation?
Q. hello all Just need advice on how to approach a tricky situation with my newish bf, or if I should at all. when i was younger i was sexually abused by a family member, close friends know, and i'm not asking for help to get over what happened b...
A. 13 January 2009: Hi there anonymous, This is so much like my wife's story when we first got together 26 years ago now. She was presistantly sexually abused by a family friend from the ages of 5 - 9 when it finally stopped. Before we got together she'd ha... (read in full...)
I can't get over his past
Q. OK this will be really long but I feel I have to give you the full story so you can try and help. Me and my boyfriend are both 24. We have been going out for almost 8 months. We told each other we loved each other after about 3 months. A month or so ...
A. 7 January 2009: Hello there bec1984
I've had exactly the same issues, but in reverse, with my wife.
If you'd like to e.mail me i'll run thru what it feels like when the role is reversed (i.e. issues over your wife's/girlfriend's past).
There's a whole host ... (read in full...)
I'm sure she likes me but I'd like your help... what do you reckon?
Q. Hi, I need advice fast... I worked for a rail replacement company called First group for 3 years and left recently to start a new job... My parents continue to work for First... one of the contract coach operaters they use often has a driver cal...
A. 6 January 2009: Hi there, sounds like you've got a potentially really nice girl there. To me, from what you've written, i'd say that she is very interested in you and is being a total lady in not being too forward and so on. You'd be a fool to miss out here... (read in full...)
I'm too devastated and don't know what to do. I love him.
Q. My boyfriend dumped me and treated me awfully, calling me names and basically blaming me for everything. What did I do? Well nothing, almost. He couldn't deal with my past. Once he asked, I told him what he wanted to know and it was chaotic. So next ...
A. 18 December 2008: Hello there,
I wondered if you might like a bit of Male perspective on this?
This is a subject which appears fairly regularly on here and seems to affect a lot of guys (me included). I'm just getting thru' what must have been the most painful... (read in full...)
She is extremely depressed, I became emotionally drained due to our problems... HELP.
Q. To whom may have advice, Let me begin with some background information I met my girlfriend (who I have been dating for over four years) in college. The first year was amazing (the first time I ever though about marriage) but after that it was a ...
A. 8 December 2008: Hi there anonymous,
One thing you may care to get checked out is to have her Doctor check her for Thyroid Gland activity. An underactive Thyroid Gland (or the enxymes which promote the production of the thyroid hormones) can give rise to increasi... (read in full...)
Why didn't he respond to my text?? Talk about rude!
Q. Please please please could someone offer me an explanation for this? I am particularly interested in hearing a male perspective. Please. Why would a 40 year old man that I have just met, tell his best friend (also a good friend of mine) that he re...
A. 3 December 2008: Hi Cindy1,
A bit of male perspective here...but first..god!!..why do blokes do this..i wonder myself sometime too. However, maybe there's a worry of him feeling nervous and perhaps running the risk of being rejected, you know sometimes for us g... (read in full...)
Lost erection... is this ED?
Q. Hi I have been dating for some months now, mainly seeing each other weekends. Things are going well, but today when it came to sex I completely lost my erection. Neither of us have discussed it, but we both know it happened. Was quite embarrass...
A. 24 November 2008: Hi there,
I wouldn't dwell on this too much if i were you, from what i understand you've little to worry about, except your own worries! and this could promote further the problem (in your own mind). As a guy of 48 years old i have encounte... (read in full...)
Do I give him the chance and go back with my husband?
Q. My husband and I split about about 4 months ago. We were having to deal with a lot of pressures in our lives, losing our house, my father dying and a new baby and a toddler (I had post natal depression). We never stopped getting on or talking we ...
A. 17 November 2008: Hmmm.. A real dilemma here. I also run my own business which goes from being great (at times) to being a complete pain and source of unbelieveable stress (at times also). In all the years i've been in charge of running a business, thru' good and b... (read in full...)
I am falling in love with you, so I think we need to stop seeing each other
Q. Concern for many years. I have had a few casual boyfriends and a couple relationships in my day, so I am not new to this. There has been a nagging question that I want to have a male perspective on. All my male friends give me answers lik...
A. 12 November 2008: Hello there Anonymous,
48 yr old guy here...woo..how to answer this one!
It seems from what you've written that you might be spelling out to the guys that you're only into a casual relationship, and not wanting anything permanent or serious long... (read in full...)
Men over 40: do men loose their sex drive after 40?
Q. This question to men over40...I really need to know how common is that,, that man loses his sex drive over 40? I'm so confused because I know many older ,60 and up guys who are chasing after woman and yet I keep hearing about andropause what hap...
A. 6 November 2008: Hi there,
It must be just an individual thing i think, i'm a 48 year old guy who has a very active sex life (everyday for me would be just fine). I don't let life's other aspects of work get in the way of my sex life with my wife as i find it ... (read in full...)
I just feel so used, hurt and basically broken.
Q. I am having a very hard time, two days ago something happened to me, which I just never imagined would happen. I had been with my boyfriend for only about six months. We got pretty serious straight away- not sexually but emotionally. He seemed to ...
A. 4 November 2008: Dear Thisyearslove,
This is such a sad tale, as a guy i feel for you and what you must be going through right now...if i could apologise on behalf of all the guy's who mis-treat their girlfriends like this i would do so...it really makes my blood... (read in full...)
Has the age gap finally caught up with us? I'm so discontent!
Q. Where do i start????...ok so im 31 and my partner of 15 years is 41, we have 2 children, and here is the BUT i dont really know if I'm happy any more, we separated about 2 years ago for a year, then got back together when we got back together things ...
A. 29 October 2008: Hi there, I agree with Midge that i don't think it's an age thing. I'm just 48 and a male, but i went thru' a period where sleeping after work was a pattern which developed into a bad habit. This was due to stress at work and i came home feeling ... (read in full...)
Should I suggest meeting for a coffee, or continue to wait for him to initiate?
Q. I wrote a few weeks ago about a guy I had met at the end of july. We met out one night and then began dating, during this time his mum was very ill and she eventually died in september. As I didnt know him very well we muddled through this and I su...
A. 24 October 2008: Hello there Anonymous
You sound like the most considerate person anyone could wish to meet, although i don't know you i'm so proud of the way in which you're handling this situation and yourself with regards to your feelings, consider... (read in full...)
Why is it such a big deal to me to think about my boyfriend's sex life with his ex'es?
Q. My boyfriend has had two girlfriends before me, both of which were long-term relationships. Naturally, he was intimate with both of them. And I totally understand that. However, it really bugs me to know the extent of their physical relationships. ...
A. 21 October 2008: Hello there anonymous, sorry to hear of your troubled thoughts.
I share the same sense of hurt with you on this one, i'm just about to post a similar question but in a reverse situation. I'm a male who's been married for 24 yrs and has a major issu... (read in full...)
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