A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I wrote a few weeks ago about a guy I had met at the end of july. We met out one night and then began dating, during this time his mum was very ill and she eventually died in september. As I didnt know him very well we muddled through this and I supported him as best I could, luckily im a nurse and therefore had some understanding of how to be with him. He was obviously gutted/devastated as he was very close to his mum. Well three weeks ago he had a small operation and I went to see him afterwards to see how he was, and give him some tender loving care. We had a nice afternoon, but then the following week he was going away with his dad for a break. I didnt hear from him all week, and understood that as he was grieving with his father, although I was alittle unsure where his feelings were/are for me. When he returned he called me and we were supposed to go to a wedding that weekend, he apologised and said he could not make the wedding, I was fine with that but as the call came to an end he made no other arrangement to meet up withme. So I said, I totally understand if at the moment your not interested in anything with me, as you must be going through a very hard time, but let me know and I can leave you in peace. I said I understand how hard it is to tell someone if you are not interested, especially now with all your emotions everywhere. He said, 'I'm definately still interested, my head is all over the place, we dont need to check in 24/7 with each other, I will call you tomorrow and arrange a get together.' Then he said, 'I would tell you if I was not interested, I wouldnt find that a problem.' I was a bit upset by the checking in 24/7 comment as I have giving him loads of space and certainly not been texting and caling non stop. But by this comment I felt he was saying give me more space. so I decided to let him be and let him come to me. Anyway he caled the next day but I missed the call, he didnt leave a message, I called him back and didnt leave a message either. He then called again 2 days later and we chatted, but toward the end of the call he still had not asked to meet up. I hinted by asking what he was up to in the week, he said he was busy but might be around on wednesday and if he was would call, and we could meet up, I said sure and left it at that. Well I didnt contact him all week and he didnt contact me about the wed, I thought he really isnt in a place where he wants to meet me, Is this becauseof his mum ? or is he not interested ? He then rang me on friday, so to keep all pressure off the situation I just chatted casually and friendly to him, then I ended the call first. Again he did not try to meet up with me. It was his birthday wed, I sent him a happy birthday message and he responded. So my question is to guys/girls. Is he in a bad place and at mo, can only handle a friendship by phone ? or is he just not interested ? My confusion is if he was not interested then why call me a tall? its not like im calling or texting him, now I leave him to initiate contact. He could easily walk away. Also, should I suggest meeting for a coffee next time we meet or continue to wait for him to initiate ? I have to add he has not dated for 2 years and has told me he's got no clue about it all, and he is 40 and says he has never been the one to ask a girl out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou so much for those two answers I feel very supported and will definately give him a little push to meeting up , and go from there. thankyou again xxxx
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reader, metalsman +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Hello there Anonymous
You sound like the most considerate person anyone could wish to meet, although i don't know you i'm so proud of the way in which you're handling this situation and yourself with regards to your feelings, consideration and relationship with this guy.
It must be difficult for you and i can sense there are some strong feelings you have for him with the way in which you are delicately approaching the relationship.
For my part (as a guy) it appears he is having some issues with the grieving process and consequently can't concentrate on showing his feelings towards you because he's a bit consumed with his own grief, especially if he has a father who is also going thru' the same process at the moment. From your text i would say that this guy definitely is interested in developing a relationship with you (he'd be a fool not too) but he's struggling with a lot of issues, loss of mother, his own grief, his father's grief, and maybe also there's a lot of sorting out of things which he feels that aren't best left just to his father to do.
If i might offer some help it would be to maintain contact, even if it has to be initiated by you, try and draw him out of himself and his predicament as dwelling alone or/and with his father will be making him introvert and withdrawn. The last thing he needs is to develop a full scale depresssion over the loss of a parent and i think you (with your inherent nursing skills) could be a very important person in helping him, but equally i think that this support and love shown to him will go a long way towards displaying just how much you think of him and your feelings...he won't ever forget that believe me.
In conclusion, i think you ought to make the moves here if you want to develop things, and to be honest it sounds like there's the making of a great relationship potentially.
All the best and good luck, hope it works out for you.
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