A
female
age
41-50,
*eekeretta
writes:A little over a month ago, I had a one night stand. Unfortunately, I did not use correct judgment and we used the withdrawal method. As it turns out, I can attest it is not as effective as I'd hoped to believe. An Abortion has been scheduled for this week. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I met another guy. On the 2nd date we had protected sex. Well, we've been on another date since then and I'm wondering if it is necessary for me to disclose the fact I am having an abortion. We are still new in the relationship, yet I don't know what to tell him if we are both getting hot and heavy. I only see him about once a week. Am I tripping over nothing?
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Seekeretta, I'm sorry if I sounded harsh in my first reply, it's just that your post sounded much more concerned with sex than with the baby. I am completely against abortion, and I speak from experience, having been forced into one when I was 21, and also now being the mother of two children. I can only say one thing to you: don't do it. You will always regret it, but have you ever met anyone who regrets having their child? Of course not. Abortion is a con. Before you go through with it, it seems like the 'sensible' option - but it isn't. It is such a destructive act - a total violation of you, and your baby, and any moral decency.
Your best option is to not kill your baby. It is to be pregnant, tell the new man (of course his choice whether to stay around or not, but either way you will be FINE), and adjust to your new life. It will be an amazing adventure and your baby will be the most precious thing to you. You've come here for advice, and I am giving it: I have been through these things, so listen to me. Please. Holding your child and loving them is the purest pleasure you will ever feel, and the biggest privilege in life. Don't trash this. Treasure it. And as someone else said, all the rest of your life will fall into place around the baby. I promise you.
A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Seekeretta; In life, we have to go by priorities. Have your baby.. In time, everything else will fall into place..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Metalsman,
Your third paragraph confuses me. Merely having sex does not mean you are intimate. Intimacy means you are close to a person, can talk to a person, know a person, and build a relationship prior to sex. Sex is just sex without these attributes. Sex is a natural act after intimacy is established.
Many people have sex casually or just for fun. I don't agree with that. I am ashamed of having a one-night stand years ago; it made me feel sick at heart. There are others, however, whom it doesn't bother.
Seekareta,
Abortion? I believe in choice. After seeing my out-of-wedlock though, I had to rethink this. I thought with her what we might have missed. There are soo many people out there wanting babies. Think about giving the child a chance and putting her up for adoption. Think of the child and not just how to make your life more convenient.
I have known people who had an abortion and not given it a lot of thought. After doing so, their lives were filled with what might have happened if they had had the child.
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A
female
reader, Seekeretta +, writes (16 September 2009):
Seekeretta is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate hearing different sides and views on this matter. Though it may seem as though I am cavalier about this time in my life, it is far from that. Please understand, this is not a time where I will brush it off and move on. If anything, I am trying to move on and look at some positive aspects in my life. Perhaps, a man is not that positive light... that is where the problem started. Some of your answers have made me realize that I do need to respect myself more and should not have been so quick to jump in the sack with him. When I first met him, I did not know I was pregnant at the time. He was refreshing at a down point in my life and sometimes my passion is too much to handle, so I shared myself too early.
I never thought I would have an abortion. Never! But here I am! This is one of the toughest decisions I've had to make. Trust me, I am not taking this lightly.. in fact, I am very depressed over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): believe it or not it is none of his business even if you want it to be. do not tell him. it will ruin things and really it would put a huge emotional burden on him (yes i just said that). your about to go through a very strange time in your life. the abortion is going to change you in ways you can't possibly predict. keep that in mind, find someone you can share it with (someone very close , NOT HIM) and do what you gotta do.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (16 September 2009):
I suggest that you not tell him, but take care of yourself and heal as quickly as you can. Be gentle with yourself and allow this relationship to grow in a normal manner. I'm sorry your having to go through this, but you'll do fine. While I respect others opinon about abortion, I'm a firm beliver that each woman has the absolute RIGHT to make her own choice. I also belive that the guys have no right to interfere in the decision. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): You shouldn't tell him--maybe never--or maybe if it becomes a very serious relationship.
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A
male
reader, metalsman +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I find it hard to believe most of these replies above bear absolutely NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER to how the new boyfriend might feel about this situation he is potentially about to find himself in!
Natasia states that by not telling him it would avoid him being "put off" you, and for a whole host of other reasons, all valid and potentially "deal breakers" from maybe his point of view - Do you not think that maybe he ought to have a right to know what kind of person he's getting into bed with and that maybe he's being denied the opportunity to "choice" of girlfriend lifestyle?
Ask Oldersister says that havng sex with someone you havent know long isn't being "intimate"..what!..excuse me but when does "intimate" get more so than by having sex with someone?..In addition apparently trust is built up over the long run and sex isn't going to speed that up!..Hmm..Ok there was me thinking that trust starts at the beginning of a relationship and that sex is an emotional and physical qualifier of two people sharing trust for each other. How naive i must be...
I have no problem with abortion in principle, and from the OP's situation it would appear to be a valid conclusion..i mean why bring a child into the life of a woman who obviously can't respect herself let alone a child and the responsibilities that brings.
I think the new boyfriend should be told...at some early point, not necessarily before the abortion, but he should be at least be put in the picture and have the chance to make his own mind up as to where his feelings lie for this person.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (16 September 2009):
Please I am Begging you .. Please do not have an abortion.. The baby is from God - and coming into the world through you.. From the time of conception, the heart cell is there .. It is a human life.. Please follow through and have this baby .. Men come and go - but this child should know Life..
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (16 September 2009):
 This is a very serious decision in your life.
What should concern you is that getting an abortion is a very emotional thing, and the fact that you're taking it somewhat lightly is of some concern, not so much with the new guy in your life, but for your own sake.
Some of my female friends had abortions in their past and each one has expressed some degree of regret or remorse over having taken that choice, or at least done so without someone there and close to emotionally support her.
So having said that part, I hope you'll have a friend or someone you trust there with you when you have it done. It seems like you've made the decision already.
The other thing is that there are consequences to an abortion that you should be fully aware of, they're both psychological and physical so you have to do whatever the medical staff tells you to do after the procedure's done.
As far as the new guy in your life, its probably not his business right now. But if you two do get closer and it looks like you're a match on down the road, I think you want to be honest with him and tell him, but only if your relationship progresses to something serious. He may have strong views about abortion and if this in anyway hits home with him, he's entitled to know the truth. Otherwise he may resent you for hiding it.
Otherwise, telling him now isn't going to do you any good and he has no reason to get involved unless you make him get involved.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 September 2009):
Do you think that having an abortion will just be like popping in to the hairdresser's or something? You are likely to feel something after this procedure, both physically and emotionally. If you are getting close to someone then it might be difficult to hide this. At this moment you are heading for a huge, cataclysmic hormonal change - and it will affect how you feel for a while.
However, yes, I think that telling your new man is not a good idea, not least because it may very well put him off you. He might not like (a) the one night stand, (b) lack of responsibility, (c) fact that so soon after this you are already having sex with someone else (ie, him) and (d) that while doing so you are pregnant and about to have an abortion (and (e) he might not agree with abortion).
I think you're playing with fire in more ways than one, but i guess all you can do is follow your heart, abort the child, and go ahead with your new person. I really don't think you should be having sex so quickly with complete strangers though, if you want my advice ...
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 September 2009):
I think that it's your business and he doesn't need to know...not necessary for him to know at all. Take care :)
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (15 September 2009):
I would not tell him, after you've had the abortion don't have sex right away unless you're using protected because you'll ovulate right away. I had an abortion in April, it was really tough, and really hard on my mentally and physically. Make sure you get on birth control after this, I am not going to look down upon you, because the same thing happened to me. I put this link in so you can read about abortion aftercare instructions. http://www.hodesnauser.com/tabafter.htm
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): i would not tell him, its your business and personal at that. It would serve nothing for him to know.
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