A
female
age
36-40,
*razy-Candice
writes:To begin with It was my birthday and I got totally drunk and me and my friend decided to hook up with these 2 guys we know and they were being really friendly and sweet, they took us to some random house where we waited for ages for his bro who didnt turn up to let him in so we had to go elsewhere to some random house after buying some more alcohol from the corner shop. We girls carried on drinking and then things started y'know happening. Me and the guy went into the bathroom and started having sex. Things just got worse after thathe was Extremely selfish and just kept making me give him basically some head even though I didn't really want to. I just kept drinking.... And I just tried to have fun even though the whole things felt so wrong he didn't even want to kiss at all. He was basically derogatory and treated me like a whore. He turned into a man with NO respect for women surprise surprise. He didnt even know my name or number and he just wanted to score some head. I really regret the whole thing so much. I used a condom but still worried about STDs I suppose. Anyway I know theres no quick fix for these kinds of things I just don't know what I'm gonna do I feel like I've completely let myself down and if i see that guy again I will be so ashamed.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 "You just cant spot a sexual sadist from a mile away."
Exactly Candace!
The point is that if you actually take time to get to know someone in a manner that does not involve drinking/drugs, etc. , it is much easier to spot the freaks. They usually give themselves away by their words.
If you base your social life around risky behaviors, you are likley to get burned time and again. Guys generally do not respect a woman they can bed in short order. They are looked upon as easy prey for some guy that just wants sex. Please have more respect in the future for YOURSELF. That self respect will lead you to much better decisions.
A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice +, writes (16 August 2009):
Crazy-Candice is verified as being by the original poster of the question That's so sweet. Thankyou so much. I definitely needed to hear that. :)
Too many women ARE selling themself short and after many years they realise it was all FRUITLESS.
I feel like I will just let the whole thing go untill I meet someone who sparks something in my heart.
That seems like rather a sore experience for you. I hope it's not left you with too many regrets. No ones an angel I hope you don't subconciously punish your wife for her past irresponsibility.
promiscuity Is not something to be so proud of I suppose.
It doesn't build strength or character.
Its more like a drug hit.
Makes people keep going in circles until they die alone!
Well I do hope I meet a special guy one day. Who makes me laugh. I wont hold my breath though. I'll just focus on friends fun and getting my life together for now and hope to forget my sour experience.
I think I'll actually get some therapy or meditation as I also have other self destructing behaviour. I need to stop being one of life's risk takers as I do feel like i'm the life of the party at times. Not the responsible one!
Hope I can learn that fun can happen with out alc & sex lol.
Thanks soooo much for the advice.xxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, metalsman +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Candice...I've already added my thoughts but couldn't help myself responding to your follow up and what you wrote;-"Its just hard yeah with all the pressures thesedays seems like all the girls are doing these kinds of things its harder to be different and say no and you dont want to be considered Boring. You just cant spot a sexual sadist from a mile away. I can only try my best but I dont plan on being celibate forever its like you either have sex in a relationship or casually and I dunno about either of them neither of them are perfect.maybe the best thing for me would be to try and find someone who likes me for who I am but Im so terrified of getting heartbroken. I feel like sometimes the whole thing is a LOSE LOSE situation and that being a woman we're always the ones getting fecked literally. Sometimes I feel like I have to be what they want me to be coz they make me feel like I'm not good enough and all this bull about self respect and that means nothing when you're feeling that way I suppose."One day soon (I promise) you'll meet someone who totally captures your heart..and vice-versa...it'll be a match you both think is made in heaven..and then!!..the dreaded PAST will crop up at some point, at which moment he'll do one of three things..a)Be not bothered that you were promiscuous in your younger years (hope for this), b)Not say much but he'll dwell on it for years and years with it eating away at him bit by bit until such time as he just can't handle it anymore, or, c)Realise at that moment that you're not the kind of girl he wants to settle down with for the rest of his days..and throws you to the wind!.What i'm trying to encourage you to think hard about here is that meaningless casual sex outside of a relationship does nothing good long term..oh yeah it might feel great whilst you and the "one this week" are humping away merrily but look at what it leaves you feeling like afterwards..There's nothing wrong with being celibate and waiting for the right considerate loving guy to come along...equally there's nothing wrong with sex outside of a proper relationship..providing you can absorb the aftermath feelings it seemingly leaves you with.Take my word for it..a guy who's worth his salt will not for one fleeting moment categorise a girl who's "boring" as not being worth the effort..this almost for a guy makes it doubly worth the effort and i guarantee you'll command his respect without having to capture his heart by using your knickers as a net!!I am, like many guys who post comments on here about this issue, having to endure the emotional torture of dealing with a wife who's past was pretty colorful..I was/am Mr b)..one who was blinded by falling for a girl who on the face of it appeared to be sugar and spice and all things nice etc..and proported herself to be a well balanced lady.However 26 yrs down the line and 4 kids later quite a few home truths became known to me..I hadn't realised but i'd married the college tart apparently!! It's eating me alive knowing that if i'd known the details previously then i'd have chosen someone else.Please don't rack up a past which will come back to haunt you. You don't have to be anything to anyone other than yourself..and certainly don't have to hand out sexual favours just because it's the "expected" thing or you everyone else is doing it...put yourself above all that and live your life..not your peers..and if your friends are doing this then find some new ones..move to a new circle of friends who don't carry the outlook that a quick shag is a good night out!!Let me know if i can be of any further help..Regards.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): candice, it all starts by cutting out the booze. or else you will pay a dear price for your good time girl image. stop blaming this guy (blame shifting) accept that YOU made the mistake and move on. learn form this mistake. nobody can treat you like a whore if you do not think of yourself as one. hard but realistic view.
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A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice +, writes (16 August 2009):
Crazy-Candice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I do drink way too much
I feel like I associate fun with alc. and need to change this viewpoint. Yes I may have acted like a slut for one night,
I don't usually even do casual sex & this was my first sex experience all year.
I feel used but It was an experience to learn from.
I do think the guy is a pervert though no one has made me feel like he did.
Its the quiet ones youve got to watch I thought I knew him but turns out I didn't know anything til I was in a more than vulnerable situation where he wanted an object not a human being.
Its just hard yeah with all the pressures thesedays seems like all the girls are doing these kinds of things its harder to be different and say no and you dont want to be considered Boring. You just cant spot a sexual sadist from a mile away. I can only try my best but I dont plan on being celibate forever its like you either have sex in a relationship or casually and I dunno about either of them neither of them are perfect.
maybe the best thing for me would be to try and find someone who likes me for who I am but Im so terrified of getting heartbroken. I feel like sometimes the whole thing is a LOSE LOSE situation and that being a woman we're always the ones getting fecked literally. Sometimes I feel like I have to be what they want me to be coz they make me feel like I'm not good enough and all this bull about self respect and that means nothing when you're feeling that way I suppose.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (16 August 2009):
 He treated you like a whore because you were kind of acting like one. No offense, but do you expect a guy to treat you like a princess while you get completely wasted in front of him and then have random sloppy sex in a bathroom? I certainly wouldn't. So start by realizing that things happened due to your actions. This is you who decided to drink and mess around with a somewhat random guy. If you start taking responsibility for it, you'll start being able to get over it. With that said, you don't have to be ashamed around him, because he did it too. I know there is that entire 'slut vs stud' stereotype out there, but you are the only one that can allow yourself to be ashamed. So don't let them make you feel like that. Everyone messes up. As far as an STD? Get to a doctors and make sure that you are disease free. That will definitely put your mind at ease. After that the only thing you have to worry about is the future. Hopefully you will take this shame and worry to learn a lesson. Girls heavily drinking and attractive men just do not go together. Ever. Drinking can get the best of everyone at times, so next time try to take it a little easy and remember what you went through this time around. It may stop you from making another mistake. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, metalsman +, writes (16 August 2009):
It seems like a bitter pill to swallow, but perhaps a good lesson well learnt.
I guess the message here is don't hook up for random sex with just anyone..save it for someone you feel emotions for and then it'll be something you don't regret.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (15 August 2009):
1) STOP DRINKING!2) Do not let yourself be put into these positions. Booze is never an excuse. You had sex with him because you wanted to. When it got not fun any more you should have said STOP!No means no in any language. And if this guy forced you then you were raped.And not all men are like that. Ive done a ton of bad stuff in my life but treating a girl like a whore is not on my list.I am not placing the blame solely on you. This guy is a pig and if he was aware that this was making you uncomfortable then it was his responsibility as much as it was yours to stop. And yes get yourself tested for STD's...condoms are not foolproof.Look it happens to many young ladies all the time. So you are not alone in what happened. But the next time that you are in a situation that may make you feel one ounce uncomfortable, get out of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): well candice you can either carry on with your alcoholic stints or decide to sober up and take note of what you are doing. there is no easy way to say this- your behaviour will give you a reputation for being easy. just hand you some booze and any guy can have you, is this who you are. i trust not. so do yourself a favour and cut out the booze. if you have difficulty with alcohol please seek professional help. i am sure there ia a AA in your hometown. you may be a good kid but you are on the verge of some disasterous decisions if you are not controlled. please stop messing up your life.
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