A
male
age
36-40,
*usten
writes:My girlfriend of one year has some built up resentment towards men from the experiences she has had. I love this girl, care for her enormously and would really like to help her with this.She has been disrespected sexually, not in an abusive or cruel way, but simply never feeling fully cared for or respected as a woman. Sex was just something that was fun and playful, but more often for the guy. It's happened repeatedly and with one-night stands to boyfriends.She is now a bit more sensitive to the way guys can even be disrespectful in day to day situations.I'm not one of these people at all, and she has told me this alot, but when we end up in situations that remind her of disrespect and inequality she has felt from other guys, she puts this on me subconciously and acts distant or not that nice towards me. In the moment, we didn't realise what was causing this and it was difficult to deal with. Now that we've realised what the problem is, we're trying to figure out how to get rid of the resentment that she has.Are there any women that could help me with any experiences they've had of disrespect or what they've had to deal with and how they move past it?Thanks so much Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (5 November 2009):
quiet-echo,
I feel as if it is really likely that they did not misunderstand her motives, but were just trying to use her for sex..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Please listen to Yos... you are lucky he decided to help you, he has researched this issue a lot.... Sometimes a man can help better than a woman..
The problem is HERS.. and I know you want to help, but she can't blame you or hold you responsible for the past... love her tendly, but make sure she stays in the present with you and dosen't get you mixed up and blame you for things that your not responsible for. You have no appologies to make, you can help, but it's her past and she is the one who must work through it, with all the love and support you can give....Don't get trapped in her horrible past or make appologies for things you didn't do.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Part of moving past something is seeing it for what it is. It may be that as well as feeling disrespected, and angry / hurt about that, she may also have some anger towards herself for allowing herself to get in these situations. She was complicit after all. In other words, to move past this she may need to forgive both them and herself.
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A
male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Good points Hijacked...
It's a bit like going back to Physics 101...
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction..
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (29 October 2009):
 You say she has had one night stands and such? Those type of actions are such that yield disrespectful behavior from men. When you have sex casually and treat sex casually, you will be treated as such, no matter which gender you are. Her actions are what cause reactions, and it sounds like she didn't really hold herself in a respectful manner. Granted, I guess there is nothing wrong when women want to explore sexually, but they should be willing to accept the consequences to what comes with casual sex. Both men and women are faced with these stigmas, especially women.
Men are going to judge women by their sexual behaviors. Women are going to judge men by their sexual behaviors. It's a fair trade. So when she had one night stands and slept with whoever, of course she is going to build whatever reputation and there is going to be disrespect with this label. It's not wrong or right, it's just the way things are. Maybe realizing somehow that actions create consequences is one step she can take.
Another point is that hey, some men are disrespectful toward women. That's just the way things are. There are some men out there who are crude and sex driven who have nothing to say to a woman except a rude and rather offensive remark or two. She should know that she has every right to be just as rude back to get them to shut their mouths and go along with their day. It seems like she is dwelling on this a lot more than she should be. Whether it be her own actions that have brought this unwanted attention, or because there are men out there who can't keep their mouths shut, she should be able to move along and realize that you're a good guy. Just remind her that not all men are the same, and that she shouldn't dwell on the negative. As long as she is living respectably, she will gain more respect. It's as simple as that. Keep being that good guy and remember to respect her, and make sure you are receiving the same treatment.
I have had quite a few instances where men have disrespected me verbally for no reason whatsoever, I just roll my eyes, say something like 'in your dreams, heffer' and move on with my life. It's like fighting the sun coming up, some people are just jerks. Good luck!
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